You’re not alone OP, I’m in a similar boat. If I may make some suggestions, talk to your girlfriend again. Let her know how bad it is for you right now. Hopefully she listens and tries to support you in ways that helps.

Second, you should really consider a psychiatrist and therapy if you can afford it. (I’m going to assume you’re in the US). The Open Path Collective is a low cost network of therapists. You pay a one time membership fee and then sessions range from $30 to a maximum of $70. And Psychology Today has a psychiatrist finder thing that has all sorts of filters to find a psychiatrist that’s right for you, including low cost options. They can help you find a medication that’s right for you.

I know people talk a lot of shit about antidepressants (and to an extent, I agree with a lot of the criticisms) but it’s undeniable that they do help take the edge off. When you’re on a good one, all it does is pluck the depression out of your brain, it’s a very subtle feeling but it makes a world of difference.

Lastly, I would suggest that you try getting active in your community. Find an organization that aligns with your politics, or is doing work that you feel is important and just show up to a meeting/public event they’re having. It’s very likely they need the help and would take you in with open arms. There’s a degree of fulfillment and relief that comes with being able to do good for those around you and actually seeing the results that medication can’t provide. Food Not Bombs is a pretty ubiquitous organization that focuses on feeding the homeless. My local FNB also sets up a free store and we have a bicycle mechanic that does free maintenance for our neighbors. If cooking isn’t your forte, there’s always something else you could do to make a difference.

You have every reason to feel depressed right now OP. But I hope you’re able to improve your situation and work towards healing. Take care

Just hopping in to recommend the books. They’re seriously good and the movies don’t do them justice at all

Married with two cats. There’s never enough storage

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Porque no los dos

I don’t understand the joke. Is it just booty?