Had seen a question like this in another sub, thought about asking it in lemmy too.
Eating better. Reducing carbs and eating more fruit and vegetables. I’ve had to give up some eating habits that I had before but I’m loving the results on my body.
Using the mantra “Jeff Bezos doesn’t want you to do it, cause he knows it’s a step towards the prophecy” to get me to do stuff that’s good for me but I don’t want to do (like going to the gym)
The prophecy is I will kill him with my bare hands
Intrinsic motivation?
I use Peter Thiel and Mark Zuckerberg
Sewing! Clothes are too expensive and I’ve found a very cheap cloth store. It’s dark and cramped and you have to dig around, but they have good stuff in there. Tank tops are the easiest garment to learn, and now I’m working on drafting a nice button up for the fancy blue cloth I found
And it’s so rewarding to make something long lasting!
- Seeking to understand others before being understood. As long as a (generous) standard of good faith is met, I meet others’ thoughts and views with curiosity. I do not have to agree with them.
- Realize that no matter how hard I try, a lot of things are outside of my control to change. The change you desire could take a long time and no shortcuts are feasible. You can stick to your principles and at the same time recognize that there is only so much you can influence.
Walking 3 times a day
I mean, it’s cause I recently got a dog, but it’s actually been really good for my mental and physical wellbeing too
I dropped a friend because they didn’t walk their dog.
Some time ago I learned about psychological safety and Crucial Conversations. Since then, I’ve seen them improving my life.
To test whether they actually work, I did a little experiment in my life. For some time, I played a little game where sometimes I followed the opposite advice to see what happened. And yeah, I saw the conversation quality go down. It really is not inconsequential to have a common purpose and being open to wild takes.
So yeah, I realized how powerful Crucial Conversations and Amy Edmonson’s research are and applied them to my life. And naturally my quality of life improved quite a bit.
What’s the advice?
Crucial Conversations — Summary
A crucial conversation is any conversation where
- stakes are high,
- opinions differ, and
- emotions run strong. These are the moments where communication tends to deteriorate into silence or violence—and also the moments that most impact relationships, results, and trust.
The book teaches how to stay effective, curious, and collaborative even when it’s hard.
- Start With Heart
Before opening your mouth, check your intent.
Ask yourself three grounding questions:
- What do I really want—for me, for them, and for the relationship?
- How would I act if I truly wanted that?
- What stories am I telling myself that distort my motives?
This interrupts reactive fight-flight patterns and restores internal alignment.
- Learn to See When Safety Drops
Crucial conversations become unsafe when people sense judgment, coercion, or disrespect.
Detect early signs:
- Silence: masking, avoiding, withdrawing
- Violence: controlling, labeling, attacking
The moment safety drops, the conversation stops mattering—only self-protection matters.
- Make It Safe (Establish Psychological Safety)
You restore safety through two tools:
i. Mutual Purpose — “We’re in this together.”
Show that you care about their goals and outcomes.
If purposes differ, create a shared purpose by inventing options acceptable to both sides.
ii. Mutual Respect — “I value you as a person.”
When respect feels threatened, no conversation works.
Apologize sincerely if needed. Use contrast statements:
- What I don’t mean → clarify the misperceived attack
- What I do mean → state your positive intention
- Master Your Stories
Your emotions come from the story you tell about what’s happening—not the event itself.
Event → Interpretation (“story”) → Emotion → Reaction
People naturally fill gaps with:
- Victim stories (“It’s not my fault”)
- Villain stories (“They’re terrible”)
- Helpless stories (“Nothing I can do”)
The fix:
- Challenge your assumptions
- Replace certainty with curiosity
- Ask: “What else could this mean?”
- STATE Your Path (How to Speak Honestly Without Triggering Defensiveness)
The book’s core communication tool:
- Share your facts (least controversial)
- Tell your story (your interpretation)
- Ask for their path (invite their perspective)
- Talk tentatively (avoid absolutism)
- Encourage testing (welcome disagreement)
This expresses truth while reinforcing safety.
- Explore the Other Person’s Path
Use curiosity to draw out their meaning-making process.
Tools:
-
AMPP Skills
-
- Ask
- Mirror (reflect emotions or tone)
- Paraphrase
- Prime (offer a guess if they hesitate)
-
ABC of listening: agree where you can, build on shared areas, compare differences respectfully.
Goal: understand them well enough that they feel seen.
- Move to Action (Decide + Execute)
Crucial conversations should end with clear commitment.
Questions to answer:
- Who does what by when?
- How will we follow up?
- What happens if commitments aren’t met?
Four decision models:
- Command (leader decides)
- Consult (get input, then decide)
- Vote
- Consensus
Pick based on urgency, stakes, and involvement.
Dialogue succeeds when people feel safe enough to express their full truth—and curious enough to hear others.
Crucial Conversations is fundamentally a blueprint for replacing defensiveness with inquiry, fear with safety, and positional fighting with collaborative problem-solving.
To understand your question, do you mean in general? Or to go into the details of how it looks to apply the ideas? In general, I’d say my advice is to read the book Crucial Conversations and the book The Fearless Organization and learn the ideas in there. How does it look? From afar, Crucial Conversations and psychological safety look like better conversations. I can’t say they’re perfect, but at least I avoid some pits I fell into before.
Oh, and I can think of a few more:
- learning calligraphy
- learning my times tables even better
- learning about psychological flexibility and becoming more psychologically flexible
- mindfulness meditation
- using pomodoro timers and actually taking breaks
- using Getting Things Done in a psychologically flexible way
- hosting friends much more often
- learning to cook tasty vegetarian or vegan meals
Meditating. Becoming less judgemental.
Practicing mindfulness through the lense of stoicism. Aurelius really had some good advice.
I’ve also been learning the dvorak layout which has been fun and better for my fingers.
Also learning a bit about how to work with docker containers as they seem super handy for self hosting and whatnot.
I know of two people that switched to Dvorak and both have regrets. Mostly because it’s a pain to switch to any other machine and not look like you’re just learning to type.
I haven’t had much of a problem switching back and forth between QWERTY and Dvorak between work and personal usage. I feel like you would have to be using Dvorak exclusively for a long time to experience that kind of problem.
For me, it seems kind of like learning to ride a bike in that just because I have learned another thing has not meant I forgot how to walk.
Yea these people have been all Dvorak for years, so switching back is difficult.
I see, that makes sense. To try to avoid that, I have a hotkey configured that remaps my keyboards between the two layouts so that I can maintain a sense of both.
Programming
