In shell
Drawing pictures
Of fence tops
With him on top
Lemon yellow sun
Eyestalks raised in a V
The dead lay in pools of pale blue below

Scientists tried to give attention
To the fact that his shell turned left
Snail Jeremy the Wicked
Ruled his world, but

Jeremy didn’t get laid today
Jeremy didn’t get laid today

Clearly I remember
Pickin’ on the boy
Seemed a harmless little mollusc
Oh, but we unleashed a hedgehog
Gnashed his radula
Shot darts at mantles
How could I forget
He hit me with a surprise bump
My shell left hurtin’
Oh, tipped right over
Just like the day
Like the day I heard

Scientists tried to give affection
But the boy was something the others wouldn’t mate
Snail Jeremy the Wicked
Ruled his world

Jeremy didn’t get laid today
Jeremy didn’t get laid today
Jeremy didn’t get laid today

Try to forget this… (try to forget this)
Try to erase this… (try to erase this)
From the postdoc paper

Jeremy didn’t get laid today
Jeremy didn’t get laid today