cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3500461
it was bad, but we both agree we have to talk about it.
The conversation became a yelling match where neither listened to the other, we both started ranting about the other one and left the room.
It was, however, mostly my fault, something I want to acknowledge.
I was thinking about using pauses each time one feels offended or thinks is going to yell, so we both leave the room and calm down, pauses we can use to try to understand the other’s point of view before resuming the conversation. We don’t have to solve all our problems in one sitting, we could explain how we see a particular issue and if we don’t see an immediate solution, sleep on it, meet on another day to keep talking about it. I’ve also heard about using a talking pillow and not forgetting is not me against her, but we against the problem, but other than that I have no idea what to do.
I also plan to tell her I find some things she does extremely unfair because this is not a one sided apology where I’m the only guilty party.
This is a conversation to clear the air, to be sincere and to see if we still want to be friends.
I would also say it its important to understand and accept that what a person feels is valid even if something it is based on is ‘wrong’. If I hurt you, you hurt, and that is important to address even if I didn’t mean to hurt you, even if I think that isn’t a thing that should be hurtful, even if you misunderstand my motives.
When I act a certain way, you may think it means a certain thing, because that it what it has meant coming from other people, or what it would mean coming from you, or what you believe it is supposed to mean. I on the other hand may not even realize that another could take it to mean something other then what it means for me. It can be hard understanding what another person’s actions or reactions mean, and doubly so because we do not always understand ourselves.