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I am surprised that a lot of people think it would be exhausting to act differently around different people. Isn’t it just an automatic vibe thing that happens naturally? I have different interests and different personality traits and which ones show stronger absolutely depends on the person I am talking with. It’s literally easier to not be the same one size fits all person around everyone. I also wouldn’t call it disingenuous, I am not hiding anything, I just enjoy different kinds of people and interactions naturally adjust. It would be really boring and antisocial to only talk about the same stuff the same way with everyone.
Yo have different personalities for each of your friends? Thats exhausting. I have the same one for all of mine. Everyone gets a version of Eda the owl lady that swears a lot.
I used to, but i slowly just merged them all into one. It was exhausting.
Pick the most professional one and the weirdos will either get it, or notice you’re acting quite different and you can explain the others aren’t nearly as cool later.
Or pick the strangest and see whose really worth hanging out with
I have been using option 2 for a few years now and I’m never going back
Interesting. Now that I think of it, I don’t think I really have different personalities with different people. I don’t have that much energy. I might be more outgoing with some groups than others, but that’s a matter of volume rather than a different tune. Maybe that’s why people keep saying I’m “genuine”?
I don’t have different personalities with different people, but I definitely use different filters
The swearing will lower when my kin and boss are present. If not the swearing will be continue until the paint is stripped.
It’s not so much a whole different personality, but I certainly show a completely different side of myself to my parents than with my friends. I’ve noticed that there are some people with strong personalities who seem to treat everyone the same way no matter what. I’m the opposite. I don’t have the same relationship with any two people; I negotiate boundaries with people individually. In a mixed group setting, that can become real tricky to keep track of. Not sure if this is a neurodivergent thing but I would guess so.
I negotiate boundaries with people individually.
Yeah, I think you nailed it there. I am perfectly happy talking about certain parts of my life with certain individuals, while completely walling off those parts with others.
I sometimes feel almost “locked in” to being a certain way with certain people, it can get bad. It can also be wonderful. I think it’s just the way my brain interacts with other neurologies.
Vitangelo Moscarda discovers, by way of a completely irrelevant question that his wife poses to him, that everyone he knows, indeed everyone he has ever met, has constructed a Vitangelo persona in their own imagination and that none of these personas corresponds to the image of Vitangelo that he himself has constructed and believes himself to be.
Thank you for giving me a new book to read. This sounds incredibly interesting.
Oh most of his work seems to be in public domain.
I can see many old translations to many languages, however the only place I can find them is Anna’s archive. For example they have editions made by epublibre, but epublibre itself is down.
Alright I started reading it this morning. Very entertaining.
Super thx, I’m always interested in authors from Latin countries since they’re closer to my culture.
I kind of expected a Pirandello reference here.
This is also the exact (really, exact) same thing that Neon Genesis Evangelion touches on in the last couple episodes of the original series.
Huh. To me that seems like it’s either trivially true or it’s nonsense, depending on definitions.
Of course nobody knows anybody 100% - especially not oneself. So each person gets a different view, with slightly different facts and assumptions about each other.
But on the other hand, strong or important personality traits tend to be noticeable after spending just a few minutes with a person.
While it’s easy to assume that you can figure someone major personality traits out after a few minutes, that’s actually called a thin slice judgement which can drastically misrepresent people, especially neurodivergent people.
Interesting. That I think that puts it more on the ‘trivially true’ side (that everyone has a different view of everyone else, not necessarily an accurate one).
Is this a sign of autism, or just normal people stuff? My friend wants to know.
Mostly normal. There is some good research and theory about the topic out there. They refer to the trait as ‘self-monitoring’ and rank people as high or low in the trait. High self-monitors are “alert to social cues that suggest what they should do, and they are ready, willing, and able to tailor their behavior to fit in… low self-monitors are both less attentive to social norms and less flexible.”
High self monitors are activity specialists, who have friends for specific things, like a “ballet friend” or “tennis buddy,” and they avoid disputable topics.
There are a few trends that can be seen, with the high self-monitors having higher intimacy in relationships to start, but the relationships are less committed and shorter.
Some papers to look at: Nezlek & Leary, 2002; Fuglestad & Snyder, 2009; Leone & Hawkins, 2006; Snyder & Simpson, 1984; Wright et al., 2007). Quotes from Miller, 2012
Everyone wears different masks around different groups of people. Autism can amplify social problems, but everyone to some degree has experienced the image in the OP.
Trying to ascribe specific behaviors to autism might not be healthy, especially absent a formal diagnosis or a reason to think knowing whether it’s autism could help you deal with it in some way.
I feel sometimes like people treat autism as a pseudo-horoscope where just about anything can signify it. In reality, adult diagnosis of autism is very difficult for even professionals. Not only do autism symptoms tend to present less strongly in adulthood, but in addition to screening you, the neuropsychologist – as it’s a pervasive developmental disorder –will often ask to speak to someone like a family member who knew you when you were young. If it didn’t present in childhood, it’s definitionally not autism. Symptoms can get really fuzzy in adulthood in no small part because 18 years is a long time to learn how to act more neurotypical.
That’s not saying “ignore it and move on”. Introspecting like this can sometimes reveal broad behavioral patterns you didn’t notice or thought nothing of. Just keep in mind that autism is generally more complicated than something you can poll and ask “is this an autism?”
Everyone wears different masks around different groups of people. Autism can amplify social problems, but everyone to some degree has experienced the image in the OP.
This is very true, though it’s a bit like saying “everyone has irregularities passing stool to some degree, not just people with IBS”.
Everyone wears different masks around different groups of people.
Speak for yourself, that sounds like way too much effort for minimal payout, especially considering how many of them are transitory.
Guess you won’t be getting the Fierce Deity Mask then.
FWIW masking is also associated with ADHD.
Tell your friend to just be who they are and not worry what people think and those left hanging around are the people who love them and not the person they try to be. Which is way more fulfilling and less exhausting than trying to be the person others want them to be.
Or you make a new one for when they get together.
