All too often “knowing what’s best for them” is just a lie bad parents tell to justify their authoritarian parenting. They don’t care what’s actually best for their kid, only what validates their own worldview and life choices.
I mean, kids are immature and need guidance, and parents often genuinely do need to take stances the child might dislike, due to having their interests in mind.
But good parents make that a conversation and don’t parrot shitty lines like “I know what’s best for you”
It’s also important to bear in mind that at early ages, conversation doesn’t really work. You still do it, because eventually it will sink in, but a certain amount of it is more for the parent than it is for a toddler.
My daughter is two and a half. She’s better than I expected her to be about listening, but if she’s already tantruming it’s usually less distressing to her to just say no. Gives her less to fuss in response to.
When she’s calm, depending on a number of factors we might be able to talk her through it. We always try. But we’re also going to be talking her through it countless times until she gets it.
The scenario we’re discussing involves a child old enough to start asking questions about people kissing. Of course dealing with a literal toddler would be different.
Ya most of the time that guidance should be - no, you cannot eat thirty five peeps for breakfast just because it’s Easter. And not - no you cannot kiss the person you love
Its an invaluable lesson that while adults know better than kids most of the time they don’t always know best and the sooner thats learned the better
All too often “knowing what’s best for them” is just a lie bad parents tell to justify their authoritarian parenting. They don’t care what’s actually best for their kid, only what validates their own worldview and life choices.
I mean, kids are immature and need guidance, and parents often genuinely do need to take stances the child might dislike, due to having their interests in mind.
But good parents make that a conversation and don’t parrot shitty lines like “I know what’s best for you”
It’s also important to bear in mind that at early ages, conversation doesn’t really work. You still do it, because eventually it will sink in, but a certain amount of it is more for the parent than it is for a toddler.
My daughter is two and a half. She’s better than I expected her to be about listening, but if she’s already tantruming it’s usually less distressing to her to just say no. Gives her less to fuss in response to.
When she’s calm, depending on a number of factors we might be able to talk her through it. We always try. But we’re also going to be talking her through it countless times until she gets it.
The scenario we’re discussing involves a child old enough to start asking questions about people kissing. Of course dealing with a literal toddler would be different.
Ya most of the time that guidance should be - no, you cannot eat thirty five peeps for breakfast just because it’s Easter. And not - no you cannot kiss the person you love
Right on. More people need to learn the difference between authoritarian and authoritative.