I (23M) started therapy today, hooray!
Only problem is, my family is too goddamn spicy. Once I got into my brother’s (25M) increasingly homicidal fantasies and animal killings, she stopped me before I mentioned the threats he made to kill people and told me that she is a mandated reporter and has an obligation to report certain situations to the authorities.
I think adding police to the equation will make everything worse and immediately paint a target on my back because I am the only one who would ever disclose the violence that happens under this roof. It might result in me being homeless if I have to flee for my life. I live in Ohio and it’s the middle of winter, so not a great start.
I wanted to work with a therapist because I grew up in this place and it traumatized me so badly that I’m scared of leaving this dump (not to mention, I have disabilities now that make that difficult). How much will I have to tiptoe around here? Is merely being afraid that someone will use violence against me reportable? What about if they fantasize about murder and domestic terrorism? What about violent crimes that they committed in the past? Or specific threats in the present?
Is therapy just not the right fit for this kind of thing? Did I end up with a heavy duty “fuck you” problem and therapy is just for “I feel sad sometimes” problems? It feels like bullshit to have to self-censor so much just because things were harder for me. How is throwing cops at the problem supposed to help when there is no universal basic sustenance or housing for the victims to escape to?
What are your experiences with mandated reporting, and how do you avoid triggering it?
Oh I totally get this.
I’m in an immigrant family and I just never felt safe to “report abuse”, especially during the first 5 years in the US… I was a non-citizen and I just feared deportstion… I did not like China from my memory…
I mean my mom just instilled the fear of CPS onto me, plus I felt very “foreign”, just couldn’t trust anyone… so none of my teachers really knew the true extent of what happens at home, I never told them.
Now I go downstairs and feel my heart tremble… despite my mom repeatedly telling me “how much she loves me”, I just never really feel safe.
My older brother made me run away from home when I was in China…
When I was in Philly, I ran away from home again, again because of my brother.
Both times I just ran to my mother. She was my best protector, simultaneously she’s also my abuser.
I love my mother, and I also hate my mother. But I also need her approval. Idk wtf is wrong with my brain…
Even now with citizenship, I’m TERRIFIED of venturing out in the world… I don’t know how to like… “survive” do basic “adult” stuff… I feel scared when I go outside by myself. I don’t even feel like anyone can really help me.
I’m just alone.
In China, police don’t do shit about domestic violence, it’s just “private matters”, nobody ever involves police.
So this sentiment followed us here.
Also like… I doubt white cops even give a shit about us minorities, we’ll all just get shot to death.
Loving an abusive mother is a very natural response. Children need their carers, so the brain has an evolutionary response to seek comfort from those carers. When carers are unreliable or abusive, those attachment patterns become disordered. Your attachment pattern sounds anxious-ambivalent, but the anxious-avoidant pattern of not loving your parents is also a cause of problems. So it’s not your fault and it’s not a broken response to your situation. It’s a broken situation.