I always have had this dichotomy. First off, I have moderate ADHD (don’t we all on Lemmy, ha!) And am a maximalist, meaning I like stuff. Having stuff that does something (video games, PCs, TVs, cars, motorcycles, audio gear etc) or enables me to do things (tools, climbing gear, cheese press, etc). I’m maybe a mild hoarder, but to be fair if I have something collecting dust I give it away or sell it to someone who can enjoy it. I don’t keep garbage (don’t all hoarders say this? Oh boy…)
If its not obvious, I do a ton of shit. I often look at it as, “well, life is finite so I’m going to do all I possibly can before I’m not able to/the world ends”.
The issue is twofold. One is, guilt. “Do I really need this stuff? Do I need another video game? Do I need to plan for another shed for garden items or is what i have just fine?”
Secondly, it makes it hard to relax. Sure, I can chill and sit and read and listen to music sometimes, but I’m always thinking, life is draining away, everything is getting worse and more expensive, I really should be finishing projects and getting stuff done before something bad happens"
Then you see all those psycho linked in folk who are always talking about bettering yourself and getting up at 5 am every day to go for a run. That’s not me. But then i wonder if I’m not living up to my potential.
If this sounds like a first world problem, it is. I’m very spoiled. I work 65 hours a week but its a fine job. A little boring (maybe thats why i feel underutilized, my brain likes to go full speed) but I’m not in the mines or anything. I know MANY others have it far far worse.
Oh look, it’s another me.
First off, forget those self help social media posters. Many are full of shit trying to make money off your purchases of their classes. If they sound batshit, they’re not a good fit for you.
I’ve attempted hundreds of projects. Most don’t come through. Many are ongoing. Many are in the forgotten abyss. I used to be sad about all of that. I’d find parts to a project that got superseded by a totally different design. I still find project parts to vehicles I’ve sold. Games I’ve forgotten, games where I suddenly stopped 20% through, “worthless” games where I’ve got hundreds, maybe thousands of hours. I used to be sad about not paying proper respect to great games and instead falling for quick match or battle Royale types.
The root of the sadness is similar to yours: we have finite time. Gotta make the most of it, right? Play the best games, create the art I dream of, build the best version of my car the community has ever seen, ride the most miles on the bike, see the most mountains, try the most beers, have the most nights out.
Not so much anymore. I have finite time to experience things, but I also have a finite rate of consumption. I do not have time to do it all. When I was younger, living with my parents or living in a low maintenance apartment, the world seemed so open. It seemed so devoid of me. Moving into a house of my own was like the dolly zoom moment of my life. Partly because I came face to face with all my incomplete projects and forgotten hobbies as I properly packed them at my parents’. Partly because so many of the “must do” house projects are still not done, not even prioritized, 3 years later.
And yet, the world has not ended. I’m not a failure. I’m still enjoying things. But I have limited time for pleasure and limited money to do so. I cannot do it all, and that’s fine. I say yes to what I can. Does it really matter if I don’t make a drawing because I gave a new album a full listen-through? Does it really matter if my car isn’t the most special build because I took the bike for a dozen rides instead? I’ll do what I can when I can. I still have what I consider to be a high productivity drive, but I worked to be more satisfied with what I have done and less critical of what I haven’t done. I’m not lacking in these fun things because I’m lazy, I’m lacking because work and sleep take more time of my life than anything while chores/repairs/errands eat so much of the rest of it. It’s not my fault, and it’s not yours either - especially with you 65hr work weeks.
Actually, let me repeat that: it’s not your fault, especially with your 65 hour work weeks. Being bored at your job puts the mental restlessness into overdrive. That does not help you feel accomplished with these other interests because I’m sure you aren’t getting into them as deeply with what little time you have left in the day.
It’s OK to relax. If you’re in a comfortable situation, your life is healthy, your home is secure, and you relationships are maintained, then anything else is a bonus. There’s no wrong way to relax. Theres no wrong way to have fun. There’s no way to be perfect so sometimes, relaxing is the best way to better yourself.
PS: books sit somewhere between video games and movies, but not in a line. While I certainly struggle to read at times I’m not trapped in a plane, there’s a good chance you haven’t tried the right book. You don’t have to read the great dramas or the cleverest mysteries. My gateway was Revelation Space, largely because my visualizations and feelings were rooted in 1,000 hours of the game Elite Dangerous. The quasi-personal experiences in the game had some decent overlap with the voids of space and desolate planets, devoid of life. Not that close, but close enough when a plot less game gets paired with the excellent descriptions of an author.