cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3420358
as said previously I’m a nurse, which means the overwhelming majority of employees are women. Gossiping, being unauthentic, cattiness and passive aggressiveness is a daily occurrence.
My current unit: there are 2 men that seem to be completely stoic (I don’t know what word would describe them better): they ignore drama and jabs, even if directed at them, they are punctual with their pauses, I mean really, 30 minutes and that’s it, and can ignore when other coworkers lazy around, even if it means they have to be the ones doing most of the work, extra work they don’t receive any extra money or recognition for.
I am writing in awe, because as much as I’d like to be this thick skinned, I am not. The feeling of being treated unfairly rubs me the wrong way really fast. My strategy so far has been to lazy around so much as my direct coworkers, even if they’re part of an established group at the ward I don’t belong to. They’re the ones supposed to be showing me around and teach me. If they don’t work, why should I?
I believe this is a trait of mine, something nearly impossible to change, it would make more sense to change the setting than trying to change me, to change jobs. I don’t know how to play this game where I am, in a workplace where most employees are women.
But my question remains to all of you who are this thick skinned: how? I don’t understand it. Don’t you find it tiring? Doesn’t it make you feel like shit when you go back home? Don’t you feel taken advantage of?
I can’t control how my coworkers act. I can control how I act. I can’t force my coworkers to adopt a sense of integrity, but I can hold fast to my own. In this way, I try to see those people less as terrible people and more like an immutable part of the job. For example, if you work in sanitation (e.g., picking up trash), it sucks when the weather is bad. But it’s not aggravating–you can’t control the weather, and you don’t blame it for being bad. It’s not a positive thing, but somehow it’s less stressful. (that’s not to say you should dehumanize others, just seeing them as something you can’t control, like the weather).
That being said, it took me quite a few years in the industry to be able to think this way.