cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3420358
as said previously I’m a nurse, which means the overwhelming majority of employees are women. Gossiping, being unauthentic, cattiness and passive aggressiveness is a daily occurrence.
My current unit: there are 2 men that seem to be completely stoic (I don’t know what word would describe them better): they ignore drama and jabs, even if directed at them, they are punctual with their pauses, I mean really, 30 minutes and that’s it, and can ignore when other coworkers lazy around, even if it means they have to be the ones doing most of the work, extra work they don’t receive any extra money or recognition for.
I am writing in awe, because as much as I’d like to be this thick skinned, I am not. The feeling of being treated unfairly rubs me the wrong way really fast. My strategy so far has been to lazy around so much as my direct coworkers, even if they’re part of an established group at the ward I don’t belong to. They’re the ones supposed to be showing me around and teach me. If they don’t work, why should I?
I believe this is a trait of mine, something nearly impossible to change, it would make more sense to change the setting than trying to change me, to change jobs. I don’t know how to play this game where I am, in a workplace where most employees are women.
But my question remains to all of you who are this thick skinned: how? I don’t understand it. Don’t you find it tiring? Doesn’t it make you feel like shit when you go back home? Don’t you feel taken advantage of?
Experience and anti-depressants.
I’m not a nurse. Nurses are a different breed.
But as for me and my answer, I don’t let other people decide my happiness. That’s really all it is. Someone wants to be a jerk to me, I let them, I smile, and I go about my day. Because they do the things they do because of who they are and I do what I do because of who I am. Sounds cliche AF but it works for me.
I used to be a hardworking and trustful employee. Then after paycuts and layoffs, i’m still hardworking, but trust only in being prepared to get a new job anytime
It’s a form of self care.
I don’t get paid enough to care about other people or my employer so instead I’m conserving my energy to take care of me and the things I care for.
This is how I see it too. It helps to develop the habit of having your own project or interests in mind which you can turn your mind towards whenever you sense yourself getting drawn into the drama. For example, I’m writing a novel; during breaks/pauses/time off, any attention that I give to the silly dramas and childish behavior at work takes energy and focus away from my novel. Whatever your hobbies or off-work interests are, nurture a habit of focusing on them at will. (that’s not to say let people treat you badly, by the way. I just mean it’s a way to tune out the noise).
It’s an easy decision: learn how to manage your emotions or starve.
By not investing all of myself in my job and focusing more on the world outside
I find that as I get older I give fewer fucks. I genuinely don’t care what other people think of me - I don’t need their approval. I have my own friends, family, and interests which are important to me, dickheads at work aren’t.
Getting older and finding anxiety meds that actually worked for me here. It’s vastly improved my social life, especially around asking people out. There’s literally no downside or reason to be nervous about it.
I’m queer. I have to be thick skinned during my downtime as well
My salary and savings increased to where I’ll be ok financially if I get fired. I can’t fully retire, but would have plenty of time to find another job. The knowledge I’m financially secure really helps when holding onto my internal “this person is an idiot, ignore them”.
I can’t control how my coworkers act. I can control how I act. I can’t force my coworkers to adopt a sense of integrity, but I can hold fast to my own. In this way, I try to see those people less as terrible people and more like an immutable part of the job. For example, if you work in sanitation (e.g., picking up trash), it sucks when the weather is bad. But it’s not aggravating–you can’t control the weather, and you don’t blame it for being bad. It’s not a positive thing, but somehow it’s less stressful. (that’s not to say you should dehumanize others, just seeing them as something you can’t control, like the weather).
That being said, it took me quite a few years in the industry to be able to think this way.
An unhealthy attitude for an unhealthy situation. You don’t need thick skin if you dehumanize others. If you work harder, you are typically better at what you do than they are. They are less than you. Contemptable. Useless. Even if politics gives them a leg up, you are necessary, and they are disposable.
Granted this is a maladaptive sociopathic extreme.
