I’m squishing your head!

Overrated. ON ERROR RESUME was much more fun.

Back when I still rode airplanes, I used to never shut my notebook off except when I was about to leave for a flight. Then I had the pleasure of watching Windows install 957 updates while the cab was honking outside.

I remember Macintosh computers from circa 1990. Even then Apple loved to just remove buttons because they hate buttons. Because it was so perfectly intuitive to drag a disc icon over to the fucking trash can icon in order to eject the floppy disc, they didn’t have a physical eject button for the floppy drive. Helpfully, they instead put the power button right where a floppy drive eject button should have been. So I was constantly turning the computer off whenever I wanted to eject a disc.

“Can’t find a better man.”

I’m a Cognitive Developmental Transportation Engineer … aka school bus driver.

My mom taught me growing up to deal with spiders like this. She proudly told me how her dad had taught her to do it. Now she’s nearly 90 and when she sees a spider she’s like KILL THAT FUCKIN THING!!!

My local Acme carried red bananas for a while. They are fucking delicious, taste more like a banana custard than a regular yellow banana. They’re also a bit smaller so less of a commitment to carbo-loading when you peel one. I wouldn’t mind at all if they became the new standard banana, even if it would kind of ruin Mario Kart.

We can’t accept drum and bass. We need jungle, I’m afraid.

“What is an Imagine Dragon, anyway?”
“Imagine Dragon deez nutz across your face.”

TBF this was all more than 5 years ago when the job interviewing process at most IT companies involved just putting a moistened finger underneath the candidate’s nostrils. Apparently the programmer job market is pretty horrific these days, although I wouldn’t know since I drive a school bus now.

How about an example from the last 40 years?

“Jimmy Page wrote Stairway to Heaven when he was 23, but I learned to play it at 18.”

MS is waaaay too big to fail.

I was thinking Microsoft employs clever people

As a programmer, I’ve had numerous colleagues who have ended up as software engineers at MS. They were mostly either unbelievably lazy or extremely incompetent. The rest who were both ended up there as managers.

I assume this meme was meant to be pronounced like Gal Gadot’s “Kal El, NO!”?

I usually preferred male PMs, solely because my contempt for their lack of technical knowledge was never mistaken for chauvinism. Women PMs who stayed in their lane – or even better were actually technically competent – were A-OK with me.

My good PMs understood that their role was to attend meetings and create a buffer between myself (who understood what had to be done and was doing most of the work) and the higher-ups. The awful PMs were the ones who thought they were running the show and driving everything.

I used to tell my bosses that everything would take three months. I would then ensure that everything took three months, usually by fucking off for two and a half months and then blasting something out in the last two weeks.

Prostate Manipulator