Fuck you too, buddy. Fuck you, too.

My ex grew and changed. You haven’t. That’s the part you’ve conveniently ignored this whole time. I literally explained that in an earlier post, but you’re more than happy to ignore information that conflicts with your fake ass worldview. I’m not some shmuck who thinks she is irredeemable because she didn’t choose me, and instead eventually found someone else who really treated her right, after struggling with her trauma for a while. If she had kept doing dumb shit and getting with abusive men her whole life maybe your argument would have a leg to stand on, but right now your argument is a fucking quadriplegic.

As I said before, she eventually got divorced and broke free from her traumatic past and is now happily married to a good man and has kids. But sure, the fact that she grew and changed means nothing and means she’s to blame! No, losers like you you refuse to grow are the only people to blame.

It’s not a double standard if it’s bullshit you made up in your own head that doesn’t match the facts of the situation.

Don’t worry, I don’t think I have any superpowers.

I don’t know, you’re the biggest fucking clown I’ve ever encountered, so that seems like a superpower.

You get to be compared to him, because I spent an afternoon trying to be nice and having you bitch and moan and make excuses for yourself at me. Just like he does. Get over it.

Also, it’s weird how much you obviously get off on this. It’s clear you want people to not like you so you can be bitter about it, otherwise why would you try so fucking hard to make it happen?

I drive them away because it’s easier than building something on potential only to inevitably see it come crashing down.

So you finally admit that you’re the problem here. Glad you recognized it. Now shut the fuck up.

You aren’t your cognitive conditioning, you can make a choice to be different. You don’t want to make that choice, ergo, you can fuck off. That’s me setting a boundary with someone who obviously isn’t worth the effort.

Geeze, and you say I blame others for my bitterness.

Called it.

I don’t need to hear it anymore, because you’ll just use this as justification for why you’re a fucking angry shitty loser instead of having an ounce of self reflection over anything you’ve said here in this giant fuck off thread of you being a whiny little bitch.

Also, if you actually had a thick skin, you wouldn’t be a such a fucking whiner about all the times you’ve been mistreated. You’re like that dipshit Donald Trump. Says he’s a big strong man but can’t shut the fuck up about all the perceived slights he’s ever received. Strong people with thick skin don’t spend several hours writing full on screeds about how awful their life is because everyone else is a big meanie. They especially don’t compare people not liking them because they’re a bitter assholes to people’s human rights being violated. Seriously, grow the fuck up. Although I know you won’t because then you won’t have the satisfaction of being able to say it’s everyone else’s fault.

I don’t know man, I was excluded from it for a long time and I made myself a better person and then had a happier life. You seem pretty dedicated to being an angry bitter asshole who blames everything on everyone but yourself, so like I said, you do you. Go ahead and be a fucking asshole who no one likes. I did my bit, walk away and stop being an annoying loser, please and thank you.

You got what you wanted, I’m sick of your loser shit, so piss off please. I don’t need to hear it anymore, because you’ll just use this as justification for why you’re a fucking angry shitty loser instead of having an ounce of self reflection over anything you’ve said here in this giant fuck off thread of you being a whiny little bitch. Good, I hope you feel justified and I hope you stay the sad sack loser you are, because if you’re really this much of a twerp who can’t listen to positive re-enforcement you probably deserve it.

Once again, you whining that people don’t like you isn’t the same as caring about your civil rights dumbfuck. I gave you a lot of outs in this conversation, but your whiny bitch ass just wants to keep digging a deeper hole to prove how unlikable you are. Well, guess what, you succeeded, I officially don’t like you and think you suck. Not because you’re a bad person, but because you have zero self reflection and whine about lame shit when people tried to help you understand and do better.

Be happy, you got what you really wanted, people don’t like you. Good job, it’s a self fulfilling prophecy you fucking idiot. If the only thing you put out into the world is “no one likes me and everyone judges me” eventually, that’s all you’ll get from the world. You get out what you put in, and you’re obviously all too happy to put in “I want people to fucking hate me so I can be sad and bitter about it.”

That’s odd because out here in the real world people absolutely let women know that it’s their own lack of boundaries that led to being taken advantage of, and nobody gets upset because no one is being a petulant ill tempered dick about it when they do so. You are literally living in a fantasy land you’ve built for yourself so you don’t have to face your own shitty attitude being part of this.

I’m not the one who is pretending. You do you, obviously no one will be able to break through that wall of self importance.

EDIT:

I don’t make it my fucking personality.

*Gestures broadly at this entire thread.

Sure looks like it from here.

he’s a good man even if he did wind up the sort of guy that’s really into sports.

Thank you kindly for the compliment.

You’re an adult, and you don’t change it by telling your child self that, you change it by having some fucking self respect and not blaming every person who has mistreated you for why you should never trust or be kind to anyone else ever. Your own inability to accept your own lack of boundaries when it comes to being taken advantage of or treated like a pushover is evidence of that. I’ve been hurt too, but I also see when I made mistakes, didn’t set clear boundaries, and how that impacted the situations a great deal. I have also seen when my own bad attitude has led people to dislike me, and so I dropped the bad attitude, because it hurt me more than helped me, and honestly, I’m much happier for it. You really ought to try it sometime.

Incel is an insult because people like you make it your whole personality and are bitter sad sacks who make it the worlds problem instead of choosing to look inward. People give up and insult incels not because they can’t get laid, but because they make their whole lives about it instead of finding anything constructive to do with their time like my asexual friends do. If you think people actually make fun of incels because they don’t get laid and not that they fail to see how their shitty fucking attitudes is why they don’t get laid while latching on to anything to try to justify it except their own shit behavior and beliefs, you’re missing the forest for the trees.

Also, I didn’t get laid until I was 20. You are literally reaching for any, and I mean any, reason for this to not be your fault and to justify being bitter and angry and unlikeable.

It’s the first one, I promise. The second one is just the excuse you give yourself. It’s a choice you’re making to be bitter and unlikable, as much as you want to pretend it’s not.

It’s absolutely not the same logic. You not being able to get loving people in your life as an individual because of a bad attitude and outlook is not in any way the same as systemic oppression. You are not being systemically oppressed because your shitty outlook and attitude makes you not likeable. You not having people who like you in your life is not anything like people being kidnapped in the streets for being the wrong race or having the wrong politics, being denied legal counsel, food, water, or reasonable living facilities and then being disappeared to a country they’ve never been to. The comparison is honestly laughable.

You’re desperately looking for any way to justify being an angry bitter sad sack. I don’t know what to tell you.

If “vagina” is treated as social currency, then what the fuck do you expect to happen?

The thing is here, you’re the only one seemingly holding it up as social currency. I think you really need to think about that. Because I have close friends who are asexual, they’re not and never have been driven by sex, and they’re some of the funniest, most thoughtful, most artistic, most pro-social people I have in my life. Genuinely one of my best friends has had one girlfriend in his life and has been celibate by choice since, and he is one of the most prolific artists I know and I wish he could get a foot in the door with his comedy writing, because I think his stuff should be on television or other media. I listen to the albums he has released regularly. He has a vibrant social life and many friends and literally no one cares that he has no interest in sex.

If you think “people who get laid” hold it up as a social currency, you’re the one who actually holds it as a currency.

I already am, dude.

I can tell. I tried to be supportive and understanding here instead of just ragging on you, which I definitely could have. You have rejected it out of hand with excuses of why it just makes sense for you to be bitter and hateful. I don’t know what else to tell you. That’s on you.

Also, I definitely don’t think I’m the exception rather than the rule considering how many men I know who have had similar traumas and are also well adjusted adults who don’t blame the whole world for their problems.

You’re not helping your case by telling people who actually get laid regularly “don’t be a cuck,” though. If you don’t want people to throw you in that handbasket, then maybe stop giving them reason to do so through the way you speak and present yourself? Then turning around and blaming them for it?

I mean, I definitely don’t feel like a cuck because a woman with serious issues that stemmed from trauma stopped talking to me (and later admitted to stalking me afterwards, wondering what I was up to), when I was dating someone new who was a better fit for me within six months (a beautiful punky redhead with a killer rack). Nevermind that this was also all 22 years ago for me. Nevermind that I’ve also never wanted to get married or have kids. She’s doing well now, has kids, is married to someone kind and loving, and I’m happy for her for that. I’m happy she worked through her trauma and didn’t keep going down the same path of submitting to abuse.

You’re giving people lots of people good reasons to make such assumptions and then you blame them for not knowing your personal history after some throwaway internet posts where you make some seriously misogynistic statements and aren’t initially giving your background. You don’t have to be steeped in machismo to be a misogynist, in fact it can be argued that the 4chan incel crowd feel the same, which is where all the talk about “Chads and Staceys” comes from, where they, like you feel not attractive, feel like they have bad social skills, and get angry at the world for not holding their hand like a baby through it instead of making an effort to do better themselves, even if it takes a long time, a lot of effort, a lot of pain, and a lot of rejection.

But as I said elsewhere, you obviously need help. We all need help. But you won’t be able to move forward until you accept help and accept your own part in how all this works instead of all the blame being on external factors and external actors. We absolutely play a part in how others perceive us and judge us, and we can’t always blame others for those rationally made judgments if we’re giving them good reasons to hold those judgments.

I mean, arguably, that’s what sex workers say, too. That you’re paying for their time and that anything that happens is a choice between two consenting adults. They’re getting paid for their time and sometimes sex just happens during that time.

Seriously man, and I say this with no ill-intent or judgment, you need a therapist. This is way too much for me, an internet stranger, to unpack. I go to therapy for chronic depression that I had long before I was diagnosed with cancer when the depression got worse. I often feel like the universe taunts me by giving me everything I’ve ever dreamed of and then slapping it out of my hands and pointing and laughing. I’m not blaming you for anything, but we all have time to grow and the ability to grow and change and not be the person we were raised to be with the limitations placed on us. I was sent to an extremely small private Baptist school where the only “friends” I had were the same 18 kids from kindergarten to middle school, and I was mostly bullied and ostracized by them. My mother was overbearingly Christian and lacked education herself and had trauma from losing her first children to being kidnapped by her ex-husband which led her to being overly controlling because she would panic about losing us the same way. My extended family was similar to yours, it sounds like as well. I am by no means conventionally attractive and have been overweight the majority of my life.

Our experiences and trauma don’t define us. The pain and problems we suffered aren’t what make us who we are unless we allow them to. That bitterness you hold for it all, that deep contempt for a world where you assume everyone is going to reject you or judge you before even giving them the chance to do so is a choice, even if it doesn’t feel like one. I just try to let such judgments roll off my back, because they will always be there, there will always be someone else judging us or rejecting us. I learned that in high school when I found out there was some kid who hated me and thought I got all the attention from women because of one of my few friends who even had a boyfriend who wasn’t me. It made no sense because she was just my friend and was dating someone else, and it just made me laugh, because it was so patently absurd.

The only blame I can lay at your feet is your unwillingness to be open to the opportunity for things to be different instead of crawling inside a shell of self-protection by rejecting others before they can reject you, and even then I can understand why your trauma makes that hard. It’s been hard for me in similar ways, but I promise you life is easier if you don’t do that. I promise that you don’t have to reject everyone to protect yourself, and that you’re doing yourself more harm and disservice by doing so than you would by being open to the opportunity for something good to happen for once.

What probably makes me the saddest is how much how you speak reminds me of my longest-lived relationship, and the one that troubles me the most about it ending, where she felt like no one would ever love her and people would always judge her for her mental health problems and she had endless panic about being abandoned. I spent so much time and energy trying to prove to her she was worth loving, and that she shouldn’t let people’s judgments impact her, and that I wasn’t going to abandon her. You deserve someone who gives you that kind of effort and time as well, but if you don’t allow someone giving you that kind of time and effort to allow yourself to grow and accept that things could be better, try to change your outlook, you will end up still bitter and blaming the world just like she does, which is what ultimately ended our relationship. I worry for her a lot still.