Years ago I was on 2C-B and lounging about in my brother’s room, staring at a big glowing plastic moon I had bought for him as a joke, when somehow the word and concept of it sent me spiraling down a rabbit hole of cosmic realization. At first the moon (or perhaps my thoughts surrounding the moon) began to rotate like a planetary body, becoming a parent star in a galactic arm, and eventually the central mass of a galaxy itself, ever turning with long tendril arms orbiting around its perimeter.

As the question of it grew, it became the universe itself, on a profoundly metaphysical level, and I came to the realization that every single living organism, both here and elsewhere in the cosmos, are not so much a part or some greater plan or design, but are instead just individual cells and appendages of recently awakened universe. One that has blinked its eyes from a deep sleep and has slowly become self-aware. And just as a child born blind will at some point use their hands and discover they have a body for the first time, we are tiny (but not insignificant) appendages of that universe discovering and exploring itself, trying to make sense or what it even is.

I found immense comfort in the idea that there is no greater meaning to everything than that. We’re just a part of something bigger that is at this very moment trying to make sense of itself, and I don’t need more than that.

I was beating my meat to Natalya’s (Goldeneye 64) cone-shaped tits at age 10. It may have been arguably better for me than jerking off to droves of actual tits.

…Not that I wasn’t doing that also…

You have to really lean in on the words to properly express your italicized voice. You almost have to sound like an asshole. Like a somewhat sarcastic asshole…

Kick his ass, Seabass!

This is obviously a joke, but for those who are not aware:

Between 2022 - 2025, there were 71,000 lbs of fentanyl seized at the Mexican/US border, and only 134 lbs seized at the Canadian/US border. Of the 134 lbs seized, 86.2% of smugglers were US citizens.

DJT is full of shit.

I love Beyond Meat products, but lab grown still freaks me out a little. It’s hard to articulate, but I don’t know that I could eat it without imagining some kind of wet, pulsating mass of slimy flesh sitting in a bin of some sort in a lab, with tubes and wires hooked up all over it. I know damn well that’s not what it is, but the image is there. I hope I get over it.

I’d rather just give up meat entirely and stick to plant-based alternatives.

That’s such a neat trick…

I’ve heard The Walking Dead comics are actually quite solid, and differ substantially from the TV series. I’d love to see a faithful animation adaptation done in comic-style art.

I try to, but I never actually reach unconsciousness until I inevitably get cold and pull the sheets or blanket over my body to some degree. I find that on particularly hot nights, it’s enough to drape a sheet over my waist, so long as my feet are outside.

Bunch of fuckin’ meep-mops stealing jobs for our hardworking software engineers.

That third trimester dynamic is no joke. Buckle up, fellas.

Sow bugs, but some kids called them rolly-polleys. I taught my daughter both (as well as wood louse), but as you can imagine, she went with the fun one.

I read this as “I miss you so much”, and I had a quiet moment of reflection.

And all was as it should be…

https://youtu.be/KSujx7MNhyQ

Had to fucking deal with Rabbit every day.

What in the fucking fuck?! is a good one, too. Has some real what in tarnation? energy to it.

I also learned that FUCKING GOD!! is my go-to expletive when I spilled some icecream and my daughter (3 at the time) started yelling it in the car.

“CEO LFG SM”

I’m not bringing that low contributing shit to Scarlet Monastery… CEOs probably play like healers, but without the heals.

My cousin used to post things like that on Facebook/MySpace all the time during his emo phase. They appeared to have been secret messages intended for his crush(es) to decipher, and it made me want to die a little every evening when a new one would manifest.

It would read something like “HILYMTLIAIWTBYH”, which (upon decoding) meant, “Hailey I love you more than life itself and I want to be your husband”. Whether or not Hailey ever wasted her time on such an obnoxious endeavor is unclear. I certainly hope not.

The ol’ bat in the mouth trick gets me every time.

This weird old acquaintance of the family once saw me taking the back cover off of something once and got all fired up and giddy and goes, “I knew it! I just knew it! You’re the type a kid who looks at somethin’ and just has to know how it works on the inside, aren’t ya?! Hah! I knew it!”. I nodded. But I wasn’t that kid. In fact, that was probably the only time I ever did. I don’t know what the fuck he was talking about.

But as far as my thing… I guess I’m that friend who gets weirdly sentimental and nostalgic about nature or the general atmosphere of where I’m currently at. I’m the only guy who gives a shit that there are crickets singing and has to comment on it, because the sound of it just brought me back to ten other vivid memories and feelings from when I sat there listening to them in the past and it’s consuming 80% of my attention right now.