I love to make a positive impression on the world. I love to empower children, give comfort to those around me, to volunteer my energy and talents for a greater good.

But in the back of my mind, sometimes there’s a little voice that reminds me, “Whatever good you put into the world, your mom can vicariously claim to have created. This will never not be true, because she is responsible for your existence.”

And I hate it. I learned what not to be by observing her. I learned how hypocrites are able to function, how some people are able to override reality with their “feelings,” and how manipulators manage to get their way. Credit goes where it’s due, for sure, but she really shouldn’t be proud of the things she taught me. I became who I am in spite of her, not because of her.

I came to the same conclusion. I know how my mom reacts to news she doesn’t like - she defaults to denial. My memory has always been stronger than hers, so there’s no shortage of incidents that I remember, that she has long forgotten. (The tree remembers what the axe forgot, after all.) If I were to attempt to bring things up, she’d deny such things ever happened. Instead of me having catharsis and her having self-recognition, I’d be put in a defensive position and she’d say I’m exaggerating or making things up. Which is to say, attempting to have a serious talk with her always makes me feel worse.

Thankfully, I have siblings, and they remember what our childhood was like. We have all given up on trying to get our mom to see the light. Instead, we have a secret group chat where we can vent as needed.

This is why I love Lemmy. There’s a recognition that we’re all imperfect beings stuck in this crazy thing called “life” together. It only makes sense to support each other.

my existence is technically “illegal” lol

Small community Lemmy, you’re one of those commenters that I feel like I kinda know (even though I totally don’t. But I seem to upvote you a lot, so you’re recognizable in a good way.) I just want to say, I think this is a really cool fact about you. It’s like you were born a badass.

The only things that could make it cooler would be if you were born with your middle fingers raised, or your first words were, “Fuck the system” (in any language.)

Minutes ago, I was hoping to get laid by the new person I’m texting. However, it’s past 9pm on a Friday and they went to sleep. Totally understandable, I think.

Now, I’m laughing at an obscure history reference that I just learned through a community called “Really Shitty Copper,” and my nerd-brain is telling me, “This is better anyway.”

Meanwhile, some distant voice in the back of my head is yelling, “Dooooork!”

… Being in your 30s is fucking weird.

Instructions unclear. Now stuck on a cosmic journey.

Well, they did show up at her door and asked to help her “come to Jesus.”

Thank you for the clarification. I agree 100%!

Not once have people channeled negative emotions into action or art. It’s impossible.

Except, no? Art is about expressing one’s self. There’s tons of art out there inspired by negative emotions. Anger-fueled protest songs, Emily Dickinson’s poems about death, countless paintings created to express a people’s or an individual’s plight, the list goes on.

Being positive is definitely better for one’s health, but to say negative emotions have never and could never be used to create art is absurd.

Edit: Or was your comment sarcasm? I truly cannot tell anymore.

Aw, actually I did have pet cockatiels as a teen. (Sadly, not for long - my parents didn’t know how dangerous Teflon was, and my babies paid the price.)

They didn’t care to be held like this, but boy did they love face scratchies.

Who knew that even birds could be fans of bondage

Funny, I expect all penguins to have that name.

My 7th grade English teacher didn’t let our class use the word “nice.” She considered it a lazy word, one easily replaceable by a variety of adjectives without any meaning being lost. Every time we thought to use the word “nice,” we were challenged to explore our vocabulary and come up with something more fitting and descriptive.

Therefore, the argument that there is no better word to describe one’s self than “nice” is weak. English is a rich language full of diverse vocabulary, much of which carries more powerful meanings than “nice.” If 12 year olds could do it, I’m sure you could too.

Maybe it’s because it’s still night where I am, maybe it’s because I’m on the spectrum, but those blue lights feel like an assault on my senses. I had to scroll it off my screen to type this because it made my eyes hurt. I can’t imagine having to deal with that every time I have to pee in public.

I also can’t help but wonder where people go to do their makeup. I don’t use makeup, but I often see others using the mirrors to touch up this or that. I can’t imagine blue lights are helpful in that regard.

Interesting, I think of the lyrics as describing the way a baby or toddler feels when looking at the stars. They don’t know what those bright lights are yet, they just know they’re shiny and too high up to reach.

If all the yeast in our bodies’ microbiomes could coordinate together to take us over, we’d be so screwed.

Not OP, but I can see their point. I may have a different perspective from them, though.

Dreams aren’t simply movies our brains make up. They are multi-sensory beyond sight and sound. In particular, I can feel things in my dreams. Not just textures, but emotions. Those emotions include enthusiasm for nonsensical ideas that take place in those dreams, or fears based on abstract concepts expressed through metaphors (but that wouldn’t make sense IRL.) I’d say that emotion is key to our enjoyment of dreams, and that emotion comes from inside us. Without it, we’d basically be watching abstract art films and wondering, “This is weirder than I remember. Why did I like this so much before?”

Can such a dream-capturing device recreate all the emotions present in the dream?

But also, would we really want a device that could force someone into experiencing something so intense? It sounds like something that could easily be used to manipulate people, and that worries me.

It bugs me how I get some of my best ideas while driving.

I’ve had a number of “car journals” throughout my life, because sometimes I just have to pull over and write some thoughts out.

It sounds to me like the sleep paralysis episode began, then you realized you weren’t awake.

Our brains are really good at rationalizing all sorts of experiences. A lot of “editing” goes on in our brains between initially receiving a sensation, and becoming consciously aware of the sensation. Sometimes it can even trick us into believing things happened in a different order than they really did.

The fact that you felt a sense of panic, which is a typical reaction to sleep paralysis, makes me think some part of your brain became aware of the paralysis by that point. All parts of our brains don’t wake up simultaneously - deeper, older parts usually wake up before the outer, younger neocortex (where rational thoughts and impulse control take place.)

The awoken amygdala can send out panic alarms due to the body being paralyzed, but the young, rational part of the brain is still mid-waking up. As you begin to gain awareness, you could simultaneously realize you’re in an altered state of consciousness, but also feel terrified for no clear reason.

So, good news! You probably didn’t do anything to cause the sleep paralysis (except maybe by sleeping on your back?)

I could feel this. Like how the person you were with was your sister, but also not your sister. You had a sense of familiarity with whoever you were traveling with, the same feeling as when around your sister. But at the same time, she wasn’t literally your actual sister. It makes sense in dream-thought, even if it doesn’t make sense in awake, logical thoughts.

I could imagine dreaming that whole thing out myself (except maybe the being in England part, since I’ve never been there.)