I want to pet the forbidden striped dog.

When I’m dragged across an array of sharp raised metal bumps on a plane until there’s a pile of me in strips and chunks on the plate below.

No, wait, that’s the grate-ist feeling, sorry.

Take them anyway, I really don’t want to be stuck with a bunch of rapture reject crybabies. Burn me in hell forever, see if I give a shit, but don’t make me listen to them whine about it.

If I were in their position (and an {even bigger} asshole but that’s implied), my plan would involve claiming partial credit for defeating [Losing_Candidate]. When the new POTUS does things I don’t like, I can also get all sanctimonious and preachy about not having voted for them so my hands are clean. Best of both worlds.

You just put a jack under one end of the building, lift it up and let them roll out the other side. Easy peasy.

Assume a spherical child in a frictionless vacuum.

Strong entry for an Ig Nobel Prize if nothing else.

Arson, murder, and jaywalking.

Have you asked these colleagues what they’re hoping to gain from those certs to see why they think they’re worthwhile? Might just be people looking for a little variety in the work day if it’s something they can do on company time.

Well done.

What did the farmer say when he found three deep holes in his field?

Well, well, well, look what we have here.

Outside, not my area of expertise.

Just waiting for a sussy baka with the requisite rizz to guide us on the path to skibidi fleekness. Poggers?

I think they’re referred to as sex workers now but agreed.

Turns out this was all due to a clerical error in the contract back when the system was built: instead of UN Secure Information Access, they got Unsecure Information Access.

Second favorite server after the Discord with leaked classified documents.

Probably the year before it was truncated so they can get into more search results. Something like “best 2020 party ideas” (without quotes) might do it.

And almost a full set of teeth between them.

I’m not entirely convinced that we need one Dakota, let alone two.