No, all I’ve got are these kazoos and other assorted noisemakers that you can take home to terrorize entertain your parents.

Being an uncle is pure joy.

…drinking my beer! Or eating my lunch for tomorrow. Or half a birthday cake.

Could’ve just said “eating my lunch”, it’s obviously a beer and half of a birthday cake.

The FBI called to help, maybe they can sort things out for you too. Thought they’d be busy with other stuff right now but I guess they need these Apple gift cards to upgrade my security…

And this is why F-35s keep crashing.

Gross, my fridge got hit with ransomware again and now all the food inside is encrypted. Time to see if my canned backups are any good.

…Where did I put those backups?

I was thinking something more like:

A is for Adolf and he did it to himself,
B for Brian Thompson, killed by Santa’s favorite elf,
C’s a jerk, it’s Charlie Kirk, hit in the neck before a slump,

That’s as much as I’ve figured out so far though. Just have to find an illustrator willing to draw up a cartoon representation of Hitler’s final painting in the bunker, Luigi sitting next to an elf with a candy cane pistol in Santa’s sleigh, Charlie discussing gang violence for the last time, etc.

ABCs of Dead Evil Fascists, coming soon to a book-burning near you.

When you say it like that, it sounds better in some ways and worse in others.

This gives me an idea for a children’s alphabet book that’ll get a lot of really angry reviews.

I thought B was for Brian. Also, in light of certain things, I should clarify that I mean Thompson.

Just in case anyone was wondering why we don’t do that.

Yeah, it’s the online forums and gaming communities that radicalized me and not the legion of drooling idiots destroying my country at the direction (or at least to the delight) of foreign adversaries. Good job, detective.

UniversalMung or whoever?

Hello world.

I hope the machines that kill the internet will post messages warning each other about the danger of humans taking it back and refer to it as live internet theory.

…Hail Mary and and an Our Father for penance. Really though, you can’t be so hard on yourself. Maybe those orphanages needed to burn, have you ever thought that maybe it was God who put that gas can into your hands? Let yourself live in the moment, don’t be afraid to share your spark with the world.

I am beginning to think it was a bad idea to prioritize engagement and retention over safety.

Me too, little bit of sweet goes well with hot peppers. I like to lay it (and sometimes the peppers) out flat on a sheet in the oven to reduce some of the moisture content with a blast of broiler at the end for a quick singe.

That’s it though, no more tyranny after the pizza thing.

I know I can but none of you power-hungry would-be tyrants better try anything funny.

I just hope they can scrounge up the $10,000 between them.

I can program “Hello world” in 36 languages (half of which are identical for that example and another few where the only difference is stuff like semicolons and brackets) and make an LED turn on and off for no reason. Basically the second coming of Tony Stark, no big deal.

It’s a shame this cell reproduces by mitosis because damn is it looking fine. Got all the right organelles in all the right places. Back that vacuole up! It’s too bad I don’t have a false foot fetish 'cause this lovely specimen had pseudopodia for days.