Ahem.

Did you do an ollie down the aisle too? Because that’d be pretty bitching if you did.

🤙

Peel it off like a freshly completed 3D print; crackling noises and all.

Not just the men, but the women and children too!

Look, it’s not that we don’t want to see a doctor, we are just looking for ways to optimize the experience. So if we wait long enough we know the doctor will eventually come to see us.

Fixed:

I could have gone at least three more days into the new year without having known about this.

_Goddamnit.

Math checks out: that is still less than 3.

The 12 yo in me is giggling like crazy right now.

Get a bidet. Game changing.

We don’t call them fat. They’re BBA: big beautiful atoms. Thicc would suffice too.

the gratuitous lactation porn

That’s a helluva sentence to start 2026 out with. 🎊

Unless you’re a Bradford Pear. 🤮

Ecky, Ecky, Ecky, Pakang, Zoom-ping.

microshreweries

That just made this 1000x funnier. Thank you!

At least not until February 2026.

Don’t feed the trolls. I know she’s your mom, but not everyone deserves a response. If she keeps on you, just wave her away with “I heard you”.

Happy Cake Day!

Stop!