I don’t think it’s wise to let a young woman fill her head with a bunch of ideas from those woke books. She should be filling her head with ideas from The Good Book™! But only the parts about hating gay people that Paul wrote, none of that woke commie nonsense that Jesus talked about.

On a serious note, supporting libraries is a form of hot girl shit and everyone should do it.

I’m at my happiest when I’m making a video like putting a strawberry in my butt and pushing it out

Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life

Jesus was super anti gay. You can tell by the way he hung out with exclusively men, rubbing their feet and kissing them on the lips like all heterosexual men do.

Treat your body like a garbage dump the night beforehand, too. Cheap Mexican, beer , etc. Nothing illegal about ripping some nuclear grade rancid farts in proximity to other people.

Hint: priests/religious leaders, republican politicians, anti-LGBTQ activists

“But I’m straight”

“So is spaghetti… Until it gets wet.”

“Okay but that’s a bad analogy because I just turn ten stories tall when I get wet.”

He had a minor role in Home Alone 2, then I think he spent a bunch of time visiting some other putz’s private island.

My life now but just enough more money to feel secure and also I’d be a girl

The Dope Fiend Lean

Flavortown, OH

Netmaxxing

I like the part where they figured out the previously undiscovered secret in the race was to drive backwards. I tried that shit in Mario Kart when I was 8, you’re telling me NOBODY had tried it in that game before?

It’s definitely incel erotica. Saw a video once demonstrating that Reacher never actually needs to initiate anything with a woman, show any interest whatsoever, flirt, etc. He just sorta exists in proximity to women and they just sort of “give” him the sex that they apparently owe him for being the main character.

I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life

I love that, despite being a comedy, they actually address problems that 99% of apocalypse media ignores such as gasoline going bad, reactors melting down, etc.

Especially if it’s using that annoyingly upbeat robot voice.

Some lessons I learned from Trump’s first term that so many people apparently did not:

• He’s not gonna learn his lesson
• Republicans are not going to swoop in and save us from what other Republicans are doing
• His supporters are fine with what he’s doing, and if they aren’t they’ll be fine with it after conservative media tells them to be fine with it
• He will not face consequences for what he’s doing

I would love to be proven wrong, but keeping these things in mind helps me to avoid unnecessary disappointment.

I don’t want any of those things

If you pay me $1,000,000 I will consume an entire pineapple, skin and all. This is my final offer.

Motherfucker