I lost a relative recently and I’ve been struggling with the grieving aspect. I haven’t cried or gotten visceral anger. I’m mostly just generally unpleasant right now. Impatient, easily annoyed and lack energy. Part of it is the cognitive dissonance associated. The individual was complicated, more good in the world overall, but, undeniably a lot of bad too.
I thought these two books were good. Written by a neuroscientist talking specifically about grief:
https://maryfrancesoconnor.org/books/the-grieving-brain
https://maryfrancesoconnor.org/books/the-grieving-body
One crucial thing is that the popular conception of grief as 5 sequential stages is completely wrong. Those are 5 possible options out of more that you’ll likely bounce between over time. Grief is also not improved by a hangover, so it’s best to avoid alcohol and the like.
I go the other route - you don’t get a hangover if you don’t stop drinking. (Yes, I realize this isn’t healthy).
I really like her and dr. John Deloney for mental health books. I appreciate the recommendation.
The 5 stages are circular and afaik skipping some is also common
and refer to coping with one’s own impending death