I lost a relative recently and I’ve been struggling with the grieving aspect. I haven’t cried or gotten visceral anger. I’m mostly just generally unpleasant right now. Impatient, easily annoyed and lack energy. Part of it is the cognitive dissonance associated. The individual was complicated, more good in the world overall, but, undeniably a lot of bad too.
I recently lost my aunt and uncle. I didn’t know them very well because they lived in Australia, but we were close. My aunt died suddenly of a heart attack last summer and my uncle passed away from cancer on Christmas evening.
The emotions come and go. Sometimes I feel like crying because I miss them and feel sad that I’m not only never going to see them again, but I’ve also reached that age in life where the people that I’ve known since childhood start to die one by one. Other times I feel completely fine, but then I feel guilty for not even thinking about them. I recently went through the birthday cards that I received throughout my life and I saw one from them and I had very mixed emotions.
Other than them, the only real loss I’ve ever had was my dog. With both, it helps a lot to talk about them ***with the right people. *** It keeps their soul alive and it makes me feel close to them again. I also now try to keep as much memorabilia as I can of the people who are still around. One of my biggest fears is losing my memory of them. Be careful though; know when it’s time to step aside and think of something else.