I lost a relative recently and I’ve been struggling with the grieving aspect. I haven’t cried or gotten visceral anger. I’m mostly just generally unpleasant right now. Impatient, easily annoyed and lack energy. Part of it is the cognitive dissonance associated. The individual was complicated, more good in the world overall, but, undeniably a lot of bad too.
I tell myself that the grief is me feeling bad for myself.
How did they go? Was it mercifully fast or drawn out? Was it painful? Were they ready?
And so I try to channel my grief though empathy for their pain rather then focusing on my own feelings of mood