• some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world
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        21 hours ago

        Joke’s on you: my mustard game has become so advanced - a habit so entrenched - it has rendered me immune to the chemical irritants which are commonly deployed at street protests, which is really coming in handy lately.

        As I wind my way to the front, my people chant in unison:

        MUSTARD MAN! MUSTARD MAN!

        MUSTARD MAN!

        I open every orifice and beg for pepper balls and gas. The people, euphoric, giddily cheer through their masks as I personally ingest about a year’s worth of taxpayer-funded chemical munitions via every route physically available to my mortal form. The pigs waste… all of it. It is a tasty snack.

        The pigs are sad. They go home for the night. Questioning their life choices, they are unable to sleep. Half of them later resign.

          • HowAbt2day@futurology.today
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            24 hours ago

            I have no idea where it was taken but from the burnt surface of said glizzy the pic would suggest that it wasn’t served near Port Authority and thus soaked in 9 day old water and smeared with Chernobyl sourced ingredients.