My test has two critical dealbreakers to them.
One is kids. If someone tells me that they don’t want kids now but later? Nope, they failed automatically.
Another is when they tell me that they’re on the fence on deciding on kids, then that to me is a no too because I am someone who does not want kids and never wanted kids. It has to be a hard no, there’s no being technical or indecisive about it.
Another one is, is whether they can accept the lifestyle I’m living. Where, I live on the average lane in life, I don’t want things too hard and I don’t want things too easy either. I’m not ambitious enough to upset my comfortable way of living and reaching for imaginary brass rings in careers. I’m not entirely a deadbeat, I just try and make things work with whats infront of me and I have a particular pace in how I go about life.
I’ve had people where they’ve passed the kid test but I know for a fact that when I describe the life I’m living and how I’m living it and that I’m okay with it. That’s when I expect there to be people dropping off like flies. Because people normally are always looking for someone with great careers, busy enough to be earning lots of money, traveling constantly and indulging on many fantasies.
And I’m just not that type. This is probably the crucial crux as to why I don’t see myself getting dates or even in another relationship anytime soon.
Putting other people up to random ‘tests’ that they don’t know about, that seems like a bad system. Though your specific example about kids is clearly an important thing to be worried about.
Disclaimer: I’m in my early 20s and have had 1 relationship that ended last year, lasting about 2 or 3 years and she was the one who asked me out
100% agree, I feel like you could make a case for fishing out red flags like if your partner will respect you on a first date or more extreme cases safety (feel like that’s cause for no second date tho) like maybe yeah. But tests, no. Bigger no if it’s in an established relationship as it shows there’s a huge amount of distrust
I am super burnt out rn from my day so I hope there’s a coherent thought in there somewhere
Testing is important because it’s not a great feeling to be trying out with someone who turns out to be an incredible waste of time and effort.
Testing is a 1-way communication style. The most important foundation to a relationship is communication. “Testing” undermines that and is a red flag on date 1. Now, having a conversation and talking about things is something else.