Ok, so I keep getting gaslighted by people around me (USA) when I comment how crazy the weather is, and how we’ve never had it like this, and they say things like “oh, you just notice it more now because you’re older” or “the weathers always done this”
But I don’t think it’s normal for weather to be -10 degrees F with snow, and then 3 days later 75 degrees F! That seems insane to me!
Unless I’m wrong and we really have had this insane type of weather “forever”. But it doesn’t feel like it.
the Question: Am I crazy, or right, and is there proof?
Grey rocking to end a relationship? Why not just end it? That sounds like you’re taking a huge risk and potentially wasting a lot of both of your time. You’d probably be better off just packing up and leaving in the middle of the night and maybe leaving a note. Rip that shit off like a bandaid, assuming you have made your choice. Life is far too short for shenanigans, trust me.
Also, she’s currently living at my place, where I pay all the bills. I’m in the middle of trying to make the case for couples therapy.
I’ve also encouraged her to go to therapy for herself and she has so many excuses for why she can’t.
“It’s too expensive.” I’ve personally shown her how to use her own insurance, and find in-network providers to minimize cost. I also pay all bills, (rent, utilities, food.) She pays her own car note, her own car insurance, and $250 lot rent for a modular home she co-owns with her mother. Rent at the place we live is $1304. We make the same hourly wage; I spend more $ towards our expenses. She can afford her copayments.
“I don’t have enough time.” Her schedule is 7 days on, 7 days off. She has time.
I’m still in that head space where I am trying to get us help and work things out. If she isn’t prepared to listen to my feelings and keeps trying to gaslight me, ripping the band-aid off will be the sad conclusion.
So it sounds like you haven’t entirely decided to do it, but have a plan of action, with some contingencies. Being the one in power/higher responsibility role is often worse/harder, because you have the guilt threatening you in return. “Do I cut off this poor, helpless puppy?”
Have you thought about or sought therapy? I’m unfamiliar with a lot of Canada’s stuffs, but even an hour a week session with a good or even just decent therapist can help keep your head on straight, especially when you’re in an abusive relationship.
I urge you to try to make a character judgement though. Or even just a character test. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her? Companionship is REALLY nice, but so is being able to sleep completely spread eagle, or without without somebody snoring in your ear… Or not have your main partner in crime be willfully ignorant and abusive to you. I’m sorrynotsorry, but that’s horseshit.
I’m in the USA. I have amazing insurance that costs me ~ $80 USD a month, and has no deductibles.
I am bipolar. I spent 2 decades in therapy on and off, misdiagnosed, and on the incorrect meds.
(Even with my misdiagnosis, I was still making regular appointments with my primary to try and manage my medication.) It’s only within the past 3 years that I have had this amazing insurance, so I’ve only just recently, within the past 2 years, been able to find a psychiatrist, instead of trying to cobble together mental health care via a social worker/psychologist and my primary doctor. I meet with my psychiatrist and have 30 minute sessions as frequently as 2x a month, or as infrequently 1x every 8 weeks. If I’m feeling off or having uncontrolled mood swings, the first thing I am doing is calling my psychiatrist. My fiance has come up in sessions for the past 4 months.
My fiance has diagnosed anxiety disorder, AND refuses to take the medication that manages it. (The theme here is that she doesn’t seem to be interested in managing her mental health.)
I’m 10 years older than my fiance. From the beginning I was concerned about a power dynamic and leaning towards not getting into a relationship with her. From the beginning I insisted that she continue to pay her lot rent and maintain her financial obligations with respect to her own house. She moved in with me, I am the only person that signed the lease where we live, so I take full responsibility for finances where we are living now. We agreed that if things go south she would go back to her place she co-owns with her mom.
I know that she doesn’t want to share a space with her mom. (In her defense, I wouldn’t want to live with her mother either.)
I agree with you. You aren’t wrong. There is a piece of me that thinks, if she isn’t willing to get help, or try to learn and grow, I don’t want to do this. I haven’t fallen out of love with her, but without addressing what is going on in a meaningful way, that will be the outcome. That’s when the band-aid will get ripped.
Not grey rocking the relationship. I grey rock her attempts to gaslight me. I should have explained better. The first time she gaslit me, it ended with me losing my cool and screaming, and accusing her of gaslighting me. That’s what a gaslighter wants; they want to make you look crazy and for you to doubt reality around you. Once she starts to gaslight, I disengage. It’s like trying to play chess with a pigeon, they just knock the pieces around, shit on the board, and claim to have won.