My own psychological trick is to commt to get the “no.” I decide I’m going to rule out yes. So if they tell me no, then I’ve succeeded.
I still feel dejected, but it works in getting me to ask.
That’s a lot of gymnastics
Right in my RSD
Worst they can say is ew, and that’s terrifying
Yes is the worst since it requires a transition in state. Remaining at rest is often easier.
Hence why I’m often of the habit of waiting until I feel comfortable and safe with the person before it gets to that point.
Granted, out of all the people I’ve been with, I have only ever asked one of them out. I’m aware that I have frustrated some people by not asking, but I was never at that point and if it was that important to them then they should have asked instead.
They could laugh
No, the worst thing they can say is “EW!” which happened to me once.
I got that once too and I remember it so vividly. I was in the 5th grade. I was already shy and that really pushed me over the top. I was so devastated. I wish I had had a crush on a more empathetic girl lol.
Sometimes you don’t even have to ask, a small group of girls in primary school would often say “eww, Jimbo” when they saw me. I literally didn’t do anything.
Jokes on them, I got much more handsome as I grew up and was apparently desired by the girls and didn’t notice because I was so not interested.
Man I came in thinking about applying for jobs, that would be devastating
One way you can determine whether you’re physically attractive or not is to talk to random old ladies in public (I used to work customer service so it happened almost daily for me). Elderly women have no more fucks to give, so if they’re saying things like “I would date you if I was younger”, believe them. If they never bring up your appearance… well, you have your answer.
they could even get angry and violent
This is the true worst answer
Sounds like you dodged a bullet anyway.
That’s bad, but I can imagine much worse.
Yes. They can simply ignore you, as if you’re not even there, even if you insist. Then, after several contact attempts, with different people, you realize you’re dead and condemned to roam around that same house for eternity, without being able to ever interact with anyone or anything.
“Even if you insist”
What in the incel shit is that? You don’t insist on what another person should feel about you.
What? Someone acts as if you’re not present in the room. You try to attract their attention and nothing, so you try again a few times. This is insisting.
I think all ghosts are technically incels right?
They could react in horror, as if the sounds made by your voice box are the signs that doom has come upon the world, that they had not known true horror until hearing your voice. They could scream in terror, their screams so shrill, so loud that it caused their throats to open and bleed, so that they sprayed droplets of blood in their screams. These screams would cause everyone nearby to look, and to realize what was happening, causing them to also scream in horror and terror, causing a domino effect where each new screamer caused the people near them to turn and scream, until the whole world was screaming in horror and terror.
And when the screaming was done, they could also say “no”.
Tell her I miss our little talks
only the people sensing the supernatural could contact you, but they’re busy working their day job instead of roaming around and experiencing stuff
It’s not the one no that gets you. It’s the prolonged, repeated NULL from multiple sources, hundreds of times that gets you.
If they say no they were probably always going to say no, and you were wasting your mental energy picturing a fantasy where they might say yes. What if your waiting to ask means that they wanted to ask you, but thought YOU might say no so they are in the same loop. Or they hadn’t considered it at all, but would say yes if you ask. No one likes uncertainty, so remove it.
Them saying no means you can move to the next potential. The worst thing we do is create simulations in our head of a perfect match, when in reality there’s lots of very good matches out there, possibly better matched in some ways than the one you’re obsessed with.
No one likes uncertainty, so remove it.
Chops off testicles
No one likes uncertainty
I’d say most people love uncertainty.
It’s why a whole lot of people do not go to the doctor when they have some ailment because uncertainty is preferred over negative outlooks.
It’s why many people avoid looking at the news despite knowing what’s being said will affect them sooner or later.
It’s why neither partner wants to confront the reality the relationship is failing, instead choosing to go on as usual until it crashes and burns.
And it’s why people don’t ask others out, as keeping the illusion you had a chance is preferred over knowing you never even had one. Ignorance is bliss after all.
I don’t think that’s loving uncertainty as much as it’s the easier route to take.
But if the easier route results in more uncertainty than the difficult route, and people keep choosing it, people are at the very least preferring uncertainty over difficulty, aren’t they?
That much is true, sure. People don’t usually like to stray far from the familiar, and if that means continuing to fantasize vs. taking the plunge and seeing what happens, that’s what they’ll do. Or with the rest of your examples, stick with what they’ve done in the past, even though they know where it leads, because doing different means the unknown.
And I’m preaching while not always practicing myself, it’s human nature to feel comfortable. But I have found that most of the time if I force myself to get past the worry and fear and just do the thing, it tends to work out fine and not be as bad as I thought it would be.
Get outta here with your good logic and reasoning.
orr they just wanted to flirt with you but have no actual interest in a relationship … and if they do a relationship, it’s one of those that sucks ass where you “have to do things” all the time (go out and do dangerous adventures) instead of just staying home and cuddling … bonus points if she thinks that cuddling is lewd and therefore should be illegal.
This is a good post.
As someone whose brain reaches for rejection sensitive dysphoria by default, you really don’t have to let it devastate you.
Most rejection is rarely directly personal, and if it is, probably for the best anyway
why is most not persoral?
If someone is already dating someone else, or they simply aren’t into your type, or they have too much going on in life for a relationship, or any number of other reasons, I would say that isn’t personal.
Right, I would try to say most of these explicitly but there is no need to do that. But I would count “they simply aren’t into your type” as personal
I would say it depends on if you take them at their word or not. Sure it may feel personal, but if I asked a woman out and it turns out she’s only into other women, I wouldn’t take that personally. The same can be said for whether or not you are the type of person they would be attracted to.
How can it be personal? Maybe if they know you very well and say no because of a thing specific to you, but otherwise just assuming it’s about you is kind of full of yourself, they’re their own person with their own motivations, the fact that you can only think about ones that involve you is on you
she said no and it was fine.
The transplant waiting list is feeling this post.
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Me.
