13? How many of their friends have phones because I would assume their using phones, just not one you gave them and I know from experience other parents do not do the most basic of filtering in their kids devices.
I’m pretty sure the goal behind the no phone rule is not that utilizing a phone is inherently bad, but that you’re trying to avoid building the habits and behavior that comes with having a smart phone on you, like doom scrolling, constant social media access, constant distraction etc. And in that case, the kid having some limited access to other kids phones (If they even do. Who among any of us just lets someone else use our phone unrestricted) isn’t going to undermine that effort.
As well as unhealthy. Why give your kid a device if you don’t trust them with it?
That’s my standard. Either I trust them with the device, or I don’t, and no amount of filters will help me feel comfortable with giving them something early. I was a kid, and I know kids can figure out how to evade filters. I’ve done it myself.
So no, either no phone or complete trust, and they need to earn my trust first.
Yes, it’s part of set them up to succeed not fail. And another part of it is I want them to have a clean break from the outside world, from friendship drama or clinginess, from school stuff, etc. Digital switch off isn’t something people are good at doing by themselves as adults!
I think the healthier way to handle that is to explain why it’s a good thing and help them set appropriate boundaries. I like what my boss does, every week or two they have a “no tech” day where they put their phones in a safe, including the parents. They then have fun together, either by playing board games, having a picnic, etc.
Give them advance notice so they can plan appropriately, and make sure it’s fun. If they like it, they’ll likely want to do it again.
I think you’re assuming a lot from a little. I’m not explaining every thing we do around my home and my kids. I’m explaining 1 thing, it’s not everything.
What else can I do? I’m not speaking specifically to you, this is a public forum so I’m trying to keep my statements broad enough that they’d hopefully apply to more people than just you, but who are in a similar situation.
If it doesn’t apply to your specific circumstance, cool, you’re presumably an adult and can decide what’s best for you and yours. My larger point is that having some amount of distance from technology occasionally to improve bonding within a family is generally a good thing, for most people. Maybe your kid is autistic and screen time is the best way for them to learn and interact. Idk, I’m not you, I can only speak to what I’ve seen written.
The raise your child to use a device appropriately. Waiting until they are a teenager is far too late to form the appropriate habits around self limiting screen time.
I get that no one wants to blame the device but this is clearly a parenting issue and I say this as someone who has on average raised far more children than anyone in my generation.
But go ahead and lean into the articles that blame on the evil algorithms and the evil corporations. Personal and parental responsibility is hard anx blaming outside influences is easy.
Raise your children or someone else will do it for you.
Exactly. I see kids walking to elementary school staring at a smartphone. Why? What could they possibly need a smartphone for?
I’m not sure when we’ll give our kids phones, but certainly not in elementary school. I might start them on a flip phone in middle school/junior high (like 12-13yo) so they can text, and probably give them a PC as well around that time for intro to SM so they can keep up w/friends. But a smartphone isn’t happening for a while. Until then, if they need a phone, I’ll have one they can borrow.
I am a living breathing example of a kid who got a phone at 17, I had a bit of a honeymoon period with it, had lots of fun and distraction, but eventually got used to it and actually use it for organising my schoolwork to do list, check the weather and my daily schedule.
I do tend to use social media on it, but only on the bus, since that’s usually when I don’t have anything else to do. I self limit my screen time pretty well, usually only 30 mins to an hour total per day, and I’ve always had all my devices without parental control systems, since my parents never knew how to set them up.
Also, you saying it’s never about algorithms designed to siphon your attention is inherently incorrect of a statement. They literally have hundreds of data metrics to effectively lock you into staring at the screen mindlessly, although parenting also has a part to play, since you also should teach your child on how to control their attention and harness it to actually do something fulfilling, though many parents don’t know how to.
For what it’s worth I’m 28 and I agree with them. Being able to communicate online was the only thing that kept me alive through my teen years and if anything I needed more quality social opportunities online not less.
you can’t possibly compare your experience from 20 years ago to what children can experience online today.
I know what was going on online then because I was around your age now then.
I’ve been where you were. I was on forums and BBSs when I was 12. Had my parents knew what I was doing at 12, they would have stopped it immediately.
I had a GF online at 13 years old. she was 20. know how fucked up that shit is?
today, that kind of shit is even more prevalent. So no, at least for my kids, they won’t get phones or smart watches or tablets that they can take into their rooms. alone. at night.
being able to communicate does not require access to a personal device. I have a house phone, I have a PC available to them. I block all major social media platforms on the network. by allowing a device the ability to circumvent those protections I have put in place, I only negate my own hard work.
13? How many of their friends have phones because I would assume their using phones, just not one you gave them and I know from experience other parents do not do the most basic of filtering in their kids devices.
I’m pretty sure the goal behind the no phone rule is not that utilizing a phone is inherently bad, but that you’re trying to avoid building the habits and behavior that comes with having a smart phone on you, like doom scrolling, constant social media access, constant distraction etc. And in that case, the kid having some limited access to other kids phones (If they even do. Who among any of us just lets someone else use our phone unrestricted) isn’t going to undermine that effort.
Yes there are a multitude of reasons, not least that filtering only does so much and constant surveillance is unrealistic.
As well as unhealthy. Why give your kid a device if you don’t trust them with it?
That’s my standard. Either I trust them with the device, or I don’t, and no amount of filters will help me feel comfortable with giving them something early. I was a kid, and I know kids can figure out how to evade filters. I’ve done it myself.
So no, either no phone or complete trust, and they need to earn my trust first.
Yes, it’s part of set them up to succeed not fail. And another part of it is I want them to have a clean break from the outside world, from friendship drama or clinginess, from school stuff, etc. Digital switch off isn’t something people are good at doing by themselves as adults!
I think the healthier way to handle that is to explain why it’s a good thing and help them set appropriate boundaries. I like what my boss does, every week or two they have a “no tech” day where they put their phones in a safe, including the parents. They then have fun together, either by playing board games, having a picnic, etc.
Give them advance notice so they can plan appropriately, and make sure it’s fun. If they like it, they’ll likely want to do it again.
I think you’re assuming a lot from a little. I’m not explaining every thing we do around my home and my kids. I’m explaining 1 thing, it’s not everything.
What else can I do? I’m not speaking specifically to you, this is a public forum so I’m trying to keep my statements broad enough that they’d hopefully apply to more people than just you, but who are in a similar situation.
If it doesn’t apply to your specific circumstance, cool, you’re presumably an adult and can decide what’s best for you and yours. My larger point is that having some amount of distance from technology occasionally to improve bonding within a family is generally a good thing, for most people. Maybe your kid is autistic and screen time is the best way for them to learn and interact. Idk, I’m not you, I can only speak to what I’ve seen written.
When you say things like “the healthier way is…” that’s a response to me directly and a judgment. So it’s that kind of thing.
But sure it’s fine, I’m open to the conversation, just not up for defending a decision.
The raise your child to use a device appropriately. Waiting until they are a teenager is far too late to form the appropriate habits around self limiting screen time.
I get that no one wants to blame the device but this is clearly a parenting issue and I say this as someone who has on average raised far more children than anyone in my generation.
But go ahead and lean into the articles that blame on the evil algorithms and the evil corporations. Personal and parental responsibility is hard anx blaming outside influences is easy.
Raise your children or someone else will do it for you.
Given that smartphones didn’t even exist until I was a teenager, going to go ahead and call bullshit on that.
Sure is. Too many parents handing their developing children smartphones long before they should. Luckily OP hasn’t made that mistake.
And nobody needs articles to tell them the corporations and algorithms are evil. Some of us are old enough to have lived through the advent of them.
Exactly. I see kids walking to elementary school staring at a smartphone. Why? What could they possibly need a smartphone for?
I’m not sure when we’ll give our kids phones, but certainly not in elementary school. I might start them on a flip phone in middle school/junior high (like 12-13yo) so they can text, and probably give them a PC as well around that time for intro to SM so they can keep up w/friends. But a smartphone isn’t happening for a while. Until then, if they need a phone, I’ll have one they can borrow.
But they are raising their children.
Without a phone.
The algorithms have been proven to be addictive. Do you really think Facebook is your friend? You are their product, not their consumer.
I am a living breathing example of a kid who got a phone at 17, I had a bit of a honeymoon period with it, had lots of fun and distraction, but eventually got used to it and actually use it for organising my schoolwork to do list, check the weather and my daily schedule.
I do tend to use social media on it, but only on the bus, since that’s usually when I don’t have anything else to do. I self limit my screen time pretty well, usually only 30 mins to an hour total per day, and I’ve always had all my devices without parental control systems, since my parents never knew how to set them up.
Also, you saying it’s never about algorithms designed to siphon your attention is inherently incorrect of a statement. They literally have hundreds of data metrics to effectively lock you into staring at the screen mindlessly, although parenting also has a part to play, since you also should teach your child on how to control their attention and harness it to actually do something fulfilling, though many parents don’t know how to.
Raise your child to smoke meth appropriately.
hey! who let this kid on Lemmy?
don’t their parents know we’re a bunch of fucking sexual deviants hell bent on the overthrowing of our oligarchic overlords?!
For what it’s worth I’m 28 and I agree with them. Being able to communicate online was the only thing that kept me alive through my teen years and if anything I needed more quality social opportunities online not less.
you can’t possibly compare your experience from 20 years ago to what children can experience online today.
I know what was going on online then because I was around your age now then.
I’ve been where you were. I was on forums and BBSs when I was 12. Had my parents knew what I was doing at 12, they would have stopped it immediately.
I had a GF online at 13 years old. she was 20. know how fucked up that shit is?
today, that kind of shit is even more prevalent. So no, at least for my kids, they won’t get phones or smart watches or tablets that they can take into their rooms. alone. at night.
being able to communicate does not require access to a personal device. I have a house phone, I have a PC available to them. I block all major social media platforms on the network. by allowing a device the ability to circumvent those protections I have put in place, I only negate my own hard work.
20 years ago I was eight, I am thinking more of when I was 15. So we’re talking 10 years ago not 20
That’s why I sent my kid here! To be radicalised!
… but my kid is a cat…and has no opposable thumbs…and he was already an asshole…wtf am I doing with my life…
None of their friends have phones.