I dunno. It’s just one of those things in my life that I’ve grown accustomed to. I have adhd, so if I’m into something, I end up going all out on it to make up for my shortcomings in other areas. I think I’m in one of those cycles of trying to please really hard but resulting in trauma and being burnt out with ptsd. My whole life has been fighting this series of thankless, abusive managers and trying to improve myself and striving for excellence to please. Kinda funny though since I’m now so burnt out that I can’t work at 35 and have social anxiety so bad that I only leave the house about once a week. Every successive job I’ve ever had, I’ve had to dig deeper in order to pull magic tricks out of my ass, and when I do make the impossible possible, it’s not good enough or thankless or something. At least for now, I have literally nothing left to give, and am deeply depressed and under stimulated and anxiety ridden.

So, “how did I survive?”

Mmm, poorly. Not sure I was even surviving before that.

What do you mean, survive?

What does it mean to survive?

I’m broken.