There are no rules, there are no guarantees, there is only respect, that’s the only thing you need to bring to the table. Stop listening to antiquated sexist bullshit and just treat people like people, drop this incel bullshit, approach them the way you would feel comfortable being approached and get rid of any expectations, both for yourself and the other person. It’s really nowhere near as complicated as you’re trying to make it out to be.
Playing hard to get is a red flag, those people are fucked up and ego driven, don’t play games with people and don’t let people play games with you.
Tbf the “antiquated sexist bullshit” is told to me by women themselves, not irl Cotton Hill.
Just the other week a coworker was asking how to get (some guy I’ve never met) to ask her out, I said (as I always do) “Fuck it dude ask him yourself, it’s probable he misses the signals entirely or is worried about being creepy for misreading you just being nice,” to which she replied “no, women want to be pursued, I can’t ask him out.” And it wasn’t the first time I’d heard it, (even replied “yeah I know, but it usually works”). Sooo idk, maybe it’s really just that they’re afraid of rejection but saying that doesn’t sound as cool as wanting to be “pursued,” or maybe it is just nice to feel wanted for everyone and this is just an extension of it, but it is what it is, whatever that is. I’m just believing what they tell me for lack of evidence to the contrary. She’s cool and usually honest though afaik, we’re friends and shit, so, idk.
I’m also told it’s creepy to approach people in public except at a bar, which I no longer frequent. Then I’m told “get a hobby” but also “women don’t want to be approached while they’re trying to play d&d (example hobby),” and I’m also told to go to the gym, but then told that women don’t want another guy being a creep trying to talk to them at they gym (plus it feels disingenuous pretending I work out just to meet women, I’m also plenty active and just in shapeish from that I guess.) It’s probably fine if you’re not diagnosed as “literally does not understand social cues” ADHD and something something executive function (I have the paperwork somewhere. Somewhere…) or if you don’t care if people think you’re creepy. But for me it’s too much to navigate it regularly.
To the playing hard to get people, you’re probably right, but I’ve never got close enough to find out, because if I even ask to begin with, at the first no I say “ok” and never ask again.
There are no rules, there are no guarantees, there is only respect, that’s the only thing you need to bring to the table. Stop listening to antiquated sexist bullshit and just treat people like people, drop this incel bullshit, approach them the way you would feel comfortable being approached and get rid of any expectations, both for yourself and the other person. It’s really nowhere near as complicated as you’re trying to make it out to be.
Playing hard to get is a red flag, those people are fucked up and ego driven, don’t play games with people and don’t let people play games with you.
Tbf the “antiquated sexist bullshit” is told to me by women themselves, not irl Cotton Hill.
Just the other week a coworker was asking how to get (some guy I’ve never met) to ask her out, I said (as I always do) “Fuck it dude ask him yourself, it’s probable he misses the signals entirely or is worried about being creepy for misreading you just being nice,” to which she replied “no, women want to be pursued, I can’t ask him out.” And it wasn’t the first time I’d heard it, (even replied “yeah I know, but it usually works”). Sooo idk, maybe it’s really just that they’re afraid of rejection but saying that doesn’t sound as cool as wanting to be “pursued,” or maybe it is just nice to feel wanted for everyone and this is just an extension of it, but it is what it is, whatever that is. I’m just believing what they tell me for lack of evidence to the contrary. She’s cool and usually honest though afaik, we’re friends and shit, so, idk.
I’m also told it’s creepy to approach people in public except at a bar, which I no longer frequent. Then I’m told “get a hobby” but also “women don’t want to be approached while they’re trying to play d&d (example hobby),” and I’m also told to go to the gym, but then told that women don’t want another guy being a creep trying to talk to them at they gym (plus it feels disingenuous pretending I work out just to meet women, I’m also plenty active and just in shapeish from that I guess.) It’s probably fine if you’re not diagnosed as “literally does not understand social cues” ADHD and something something executive function (I have the paperwork somewhere. Somewhere…) or if you don’t care if people think you’re creepy. But for me it’s too much to navigate it regularly.
To the playing hard to get people, you’re probably right, but I’ve never got close enough to find out, because if I even ask to begin with, at the first no I say “ok” and never ask again.
Fuck it, be a self defeatist, I’m done.
Good!