I made a similar post a couple of years ago, but I think it’s time again after seeing a few nice-guy/incel posts here. So, guys who have made it to the other side, what would you say to your previous self? I’ll leave my own personal answer in a comment below.
All great advice, thank you for your reply. 4 hits hard for me too, for too long I thought as women as “others”, and I didn’t know how to talk to them. It took me way too long to realize they are literally just people. Combine it with 3 and just have interesting things to talk about. Women like to geek out just as much as men do, and a man who can talk about what is interesting to him is way more interesting then “Ooooh a girl!”
Absolutely. Even if it’s something they don’t understand. A lot of people just like this display of mastery; there is a domain at which you are at complete ease and confidence. I mentioned the hebrew class. I was running a study group. I learned it at a young age, and was mostly just taking it in university for language credits. Watching me take everyone’s questions, simply, and patiently answering them over the course of about ninety minutes was what did it. A similar thing happened when I guided six people in created DnD characters. Yapping about networks. Home repair. When people talk about confidence, its what they mean.
Exactly, now for nice guys reading we aren’t saying that everything is going to be interesting to every girl out there, but some confidence and passion about what you geek out on will be a winning combo for the right person.
My wife and I geeked out for a solid hour on Lord of the Rings when we met.
That’s what people mean when they say ‘be yourself.’ It’s useful advice for someone in their late 20s or early 30s, when your frustrated by jerks and want to find the right person.
But it sounds useless to someone who is 16 and is trying to get the cheerleader to like him.
Yeah, unfortunately remembering what it was like back then the hard truth is I couldn’t find someone to like me before I even know who I was. I had to build my personality and who I was before I could uh, “market” it. But, try telling my greasy faced basement dweller self that I had no personality, I would have been dejected at that. No my man (referring to younger me), there is so much more out there