For my birthday, my spouse got me a nicer newer expensive version of a thing I already have. The one I have is older and dented but works just fine. I use it weekly. I never complain about it. I’ve never asked for a newer one. The one I have was given to me by my mother in law, whom I adore. It’s sentimental.
I don’t like new things. When they got me a 3d printer, it was the cheapest one and it was a kit and I had to build myself. I loved it. It’s perfect for me. I regularly buy things used or get things from Buy Nothing groups. I much prefer to repair old things in many ways. My car has over 100k miles. The one before did too. I don’t like new things.
We got into a huge argument because I want to return it. They are so upset with me that they left the house to calm down. Why am I the bad person? Why are they mad at me? I have a very clear tendency for old broken used things. Why am I obligated to like this new thing?
We literally established a rule early in our marriage. I’m not allowed to gift nerdy t shirts. They don’t like them. I love them. I thought they would like them but they do not. So they asked me to stop. This feels the same. I do not like new things. Why am I the bad guy for wanting to return the newer version of the thing I already have?
Because I am autistic, have been through this myself, and game recognizes game. These are classic hallmarks of ASD. I appreciate that you care, but OP clearly needs to take the first step and seek a professional diagnosis, which could change their life for the better.
Care to provide a source for that? Gift-giving and receiving is cultural and people are free to not conform.
OP didn’t refuse the gift because they don’t understand feelings. They refused it because it was expensive, unnecessary, and replaced something they still preferred - and living together means they couldn’t pretend otherwise. That’s a practical decision, not a sign of autism.
Just running a web search for “ASD gift disappointment” gives a ton of articles, not necessarily the exact situation OP is in, but it’s enough to say that I think it’s a common thing.
Also, I think having difficulty conforming to a culture is another thing ASD folks have, no? It’s acceptable to not conform, of course, not saying otherwise.
It’s not an indicator of autism, full stop. OP is not having “difficulty” conforming to culture. OP received a gift that didn’t hit the mark - their spouse is free to try again and make it a nice gift for them.
OP can’t stealthily return it and there are likely financial considerations in addition to their personal preference of not wanting new things that directly replace things that they are content with.
OP’s spouse has preferences for gifts they will accept. Why is OP seen as being potentially diseased for also having them?