Because for every one person like you and me with zero ad tolerance, there’s hundreds, thousands of plebs who can’t be bothered to drop the service. It’s the inverse of the whale (re. microtransactions) problem.

Now I understand why parents give their toddlers juice boxes to calm them down.

Specifically, sleep is for next week, I got shit to do.

The next week: Sleep is for next week, I got shit to do.

I’m pretty sure punching a wall because your fantasy football league is losing is an unhealthy way of processing anger.

Worth it.

I’d want to have them to name it after me. “Dave Fever” has a ring to it.

Pretty much. Except preferably without the pedophile. I hope that fucker enjoys whatever hell may or may not exist.

I was gonna say…

Eventually everything becomes C R A B or dies trying.

Honestly a proper panic button would have an alarm go off and speed dial 911. But I’m sure people would abuse it.

Because scientific journals are paywalled - gibberish on Reddit is free*.

*Content is free unless you get caught and sued.

Is that one on the left strawberry fucking rhubarb? Those monsters!

Wow that’s crazy that such a thing could happen. What are the chances.

20 years later…

Kid: Dad, why did everybody turn into cat-zombies?

Dad: They caught Dipshit Nigel Disease, son.

While kicking The can down the road, you come across a sign.

BRIDGE OUT AHEAD

What do you do?

1. Continue kicking the can, I’m sure it’ll be fine.
2. I don’t believe in bridges.
3. Even if God let the bridge collapse, which he wouldn’t, I’ll go to heaven if I fall and die, so who cares?
4. Pick up the can and go find a dumpster.
5. There’s squirrels in my pants! Jump to safety!

Stupid, stupid Amazon. How did they not see this coming? It’s been a trend lately.

How afraid are you of retribution if you tried to unionize?

Don’t like kids, don’t want kids, not gonna put up with somebody else’s kids. I mean I’m not a dick about it, it’s just honest and a good idea to set realistic expectations to prevent potential hurt feelings later. Leaving somebody on is bullshit.

Maybe we could start rolling it up into balls and burying it for carbon sequestering. I mean it’s just an incredible nuisance otherwise.