How many nickels would you have if you had a nickel for every child you knew who almost got disowned for not becoming a doctor while their parents were doctors and already forced all their older siblings to become doctors as well?

*WOman

Thank you for feelings.

I chose from a list of vocational schools that the GI bill would pay for.

Imagine my dismay after I graduated the schools, Veterans Affairs told me I have to pay all that money back. So I’ve spent the last 15 years working those jobs to repay the government all that college money they said I earned for serving in the army. Thanks for all these years of empty promises & torture, GI bill.

I just gotta say, coming from the perspective of a woman, an epidemic lack of artistry in men has contributed to extinguishing all my hopes and dreams and wishes about finding the man of my dreams because I just wanted someone to sing & dance with me. And have found no one.

He was probably pretending to talk to someone on the phone. But there was no one on the phone. He was senile. Because that’s the demographic we’re dealing with here.

Baltimore Maryland train, some man thought I was so pretty(?) he handed me a $5 bill on his way out of the train. I looked at him like , “WTF?!” wordlessly declined his offering, he looked offended, and he left. That’s the weirdest thing I’ve personally experienced or seen on public transportation but I’ve seen a lot weirder things online. Like a couple months ago that man who fucking STABBED some young lady in the neck & MURDERED her 🤦🏼‍♀️

And Jimmy Hoffa mysteries solved too.

And to have it be presented to you all in one big heaping steaming fragrant pile?

We can find lost things after we die? I wanna be reunited with all the ponytail holders-rubberbands-hair-baubles I’ve lost over the years.

Damnit, this meme knows how my mind works and now that my delusions have been consciously presented to me, perhaps I should fix myself.

“Oops, all preservatives.”

I think mass-produced factory loaves of bread also should include this on their labels because have you noticed the past couple decades that bread never gets moldy anymore, regardless how long it’s neglected in its plastic packaging?

Okay then I wonder why it showed up in my inbox as a response to me?

Oh you really think so? Go ahead and describe everything about me & my life as best as you can, solely based on what I said up there.

What’s the maximum amount of time you could tolerate hiding in the bushes with spiders & bugs, unsure when/if the serial shitter might ever return? Would you be willing to hunker down in the spider bug cold pokey bushes all night long & all the next day, and on day 3 at 4:42am you finally catch the shitter in the act? Will you have no tent? No sleeping bag? Snacks? Activities to pass time? Do you not have a job & duties to attend to, this wouldn’t interrupt your week at all? Probably much easier to install a camouflaged motion-sensitive camera to capture the shitter. Then what you do? Turn the camera footage into the police.

I’ve decided I’m gonna hide in some bushes nearby and catch them doing the deed. But what do I do then?

Back in the good old wild West lawless days I’d say it’d be a great opportunity for vigilante target practice, culling the miscreants from our population. But that’s probably illegal nowadays.

He said football so I pictured this 🏈 (American sport that involves tackling) then my first thought was traumatic brain injury, then someone said, no not that kind of football. This kind of football ⚽ and I said ok I wonder if there are any non- American ball sports that involve tackling which cause traumatic brain injury. Rugby, perhaps? Does rugby involve tackling? Which nobody answered my question but only insulted me because you’re all still hung up on the misunderstanding & you’re still thinking I don’t know the difference between ⚽ and 🏈 .

Careful, let’s not feed into the nefarious ideas that manufacturers already have.

YouTube + Smartphone

I don’t watch movies or shows, and I’m not a gamer, and I live alone, and I have no desire to own a TV 🤷🏼‍♀️