We don’t have long warm fur growing from every hair follicle on our bodies.

I wonder if the above reverse scenario means that cat has to go shopping to buy clothes for human, or if human can still do that themselves?

Yum! I can haz strawberry cream cheese bay gulls?

BamBamBamBam

Mystery solved. The rhinoplasty was the reason MJ couldn’t stop grabbing his own crotch onstage.

After years of sexual frustration & disappointments, the pattern became a permanent set of learned helplessness, I went insane and learned life isn’t fair, and slowly spiralled into insular isolated rotting away.

Even now, three men keep texting me for booty calls but they’re too late. Loneliness is so deep now, nobody can pull me out. And booty calls are an insult to my dignity & long-term needs for meaningful human companionship.

That’s how I feel about Michael Jackson. Except he wasn’t a band. He was just 1 person who whispered like a shy little girl & flailed around onstage like a noodle and he kept grabbing his crotch and nobody asked him to grab his crotch. I’ve never understood people’s fanaticism.

Are you telling me if I live by the sea, these gulls I see are not seagulls?

So what was the outcome? Did you get all the diseases?

Now tell us all about catnip, in German.

That’s the brother of Frankincense.

Party on, dudes! And be excellent to each other.

Hey, let’s keep it baby-appropriate. I’d bring him the entire DVD box set collection of Baby Einstein videos but they’d reject my offering because DVD players & electricity didn’t exist back then, and they wouldn’t understand the concept of vegetating while staring at a flat surface on the wall for hours ignoring all your bodily needs & ignoring all your chores & obligations & family & all human interaction.

Ah yes, that was from a recent Jon Stewart monologue wasn’t it?

Printed out all her pre-deleted u/MaxwellHill reddit history

I hope the prankster typed all that out with his thumbs. No copy paste allowed.

Am from the world. God bless my overlord cloudflare who I never knew existed before today, upon whom all my livelihood & functionality depends. Regardless of how much abuse & neglect cloudflare may impose upon me, I dare not speak any ill of cloudflare, delicately cautious not to upset its fragile temper.

Badly-drawn-phalanges

I guess I’m just enjoying this 2018 Mercedes I bought new off the lot in cash that was the last of its kind to have no big brother tech in it.

As scary & intrusive as all of that sounds, I’m still only worried they’ll spy me picking my nose while driving.

I prefer not to reference deceased scientists & philosophers because it makes me appear old. I prefer to only acknowledge the wisdom of contemporaries such as Jordan Peterson & Neil DeGrass Tyson so people don’t think I’m elderly.

/s

(This is how I feel when kids say they’re embarrassed about liking 80s music)