Now tell us all about catnip, in German.

That’s the brother of Frankincense.

Party on, dudes! And be excellent to each other.

Hey, let’s keep it baby-appropriate. I’d bring him the entire DVD box set collection of Baby Einstein videos but they’d reject my offering because DVD players & electricity didn’t exist back then, and they wouldn’t understand the concept of vegetating while staring at a flat surface on the wall for hours ignoring all your bodily needs & ignoring all your chores & obligations & family & all human interaction.

Ah yes, that was from a recent Jon Stewart monologue wasn’t it?

Printed out all her pre-deleted u/MaxwellHill reddit history

I hope the prankster typed all that out with his thumbs. No copy paste allowed.

Am from the world. God bless my overlord cloudflare who I never knew existed before today, upon whom all my livelihood & functionality depends. Regardless of how much abuse & neglect cloudflare may impose upon me, I dare not speak any ill of cloudflare, delicately cautious not to upset its fragile temper.

Badly-drawn-phalanges

I guess I’m just enjoying this 2018 Mercedes I bought new off the lot in cash that was the last of its kind to have no big brother tech in it.

As scary & intrusive as all of that sounds, I’m still only worried they’ll spy me picking my nose while driving.

I prefer not to reference deceased scientists & philosophers because it makes me appear old. I prefer to only acknowledge the wisdom of contemporaries such as Jordan Peterson & Neil DeGrass Tyson so people don’t think I’m elderly.

/s

(This is how I feel when kids say they’re embarrassed about liking 80s music)

That was my first thought too, because fuck corn syrup, but I upvoted username zpqs anyway because his comment made me laugh.

Okay but are those knees really brown? They look kinda pink to me.

Drugs cost money. Am maxxed out with food, shelter, & transportation expenses. Exercise is my drug. It’s a FREE daily endorphin/adrenaline high, & it’s healthy, & all the side effects are positive, with no withdrawals, no hangovers, & improves body, thinking clarity, relationships, and as a bonus get to date hot people because exercise makes us all smokin hot.

Yes. Am a beardless woman. Except for that one recurring gnarly chin whisker that keeps sprouting up every few weeks. I pluck it.

You should divorce her for being a sociopath.

Influencers are worse than monsters & crazy people. Actually influencers ARE monsters & crazy people.

Cicadas do nothing but shreik unholy shrill screams until someone else of their species decides to have sex with them, so why don’t we give that a try?

Juicy vagina keeps you running?