I once dreamt that a house in my neighborhood was used as a filming location for a movie, and that whoopie Goldberg was in it. When the movie was over, she had developed agoraphobia, and could not bring herself to leave. I took care of her, along with her sister, and eventually married her. We were married for 35 years. I know this sounds insane, but I swear to you, it lasted 35 years in that dream, for years, I could remember it like a second life. When I woke up I grieved.

I was 11 years old, and 2 years later we moved into that same house.

There was also the much less cool dream I had in early 2001, where we took a trip to NYC, and when we got to this big bridge, soldiers made us turn around, and the air was filled with ash and smoke, and the soldier told us “New York is closed”

At the time I kept a dream journal and wrote that one down. No one believed me when 9/11 happened until I showed my parents the journal

Patently false. After the probe, I knew for certain those beings were positively angelic. I’ve never felt such things. I heard choirs singing

This is why I say a much more interesting question is what came first, the chicken or the chicken egg?

It entirely depends on your definition of a chicken egg. Is a chicken egg an egg that hatches a chicken, or an egg that is laid by a chicken? If it is an egg that hatches a chicken then the chicken egg came first, but if it is an egg that is laid by a chicken then the chicken came first

Hail the all-knowing pooch!

I love her little third eye! She sees all, she knows all!

I genuinely thought that was digital. It’s amazingly consistent, and extremely legible and readable. Good job!

But because I thought it was digital for a second (and I just woke up), I didn’t realize it was a handwriting exercise, and was trying to figure out what this poem could possibly mean for a minute. Lmao

I genuinely thought that was digital. It’s amazingly consistent, and extremely legible and readable. Good job!

But because I thought it was digital for a second (and I just woke up), I didn’t realize it was a handwriting exercise, and was trying to figure out what this poem could possibly mean for a minute. Lmao

When I was a kid, about 10 or so, I had a basset hound named Amy. She was amazing. Everyone loved her. Total neighborhood dog that everyone in the neighborhood felt like was their baby, too.

We also had a bully named Travis who was an awful little shit. We all generally avoided him, even when he would throw shit at us or hit us.

My friend Hailey was super nonconfrontational. But when Travis intentionally ran over Amy with his bike, Hailey ran after him on foot, managed to catch him as he peddled his dark and stinking heart out, ripped him off his bike by his hair, tore the chain guard off of his bike, and beat him so badly with that by the time the rest of us had caught up to the two of them to pull Hailey off or Travis she had broken his nose, gashed his arm, and broken two of her own fingers, presumably on his face.

Travis never fucked with our dog again

I love this comment chain so much. You have not linked anything now. Lmao

Did you mean to link me to the chocolate milk comment? Have I hurt you in some way‽ D: haha

I’m so fucking impressed, and simultaneously I feel like a dumbass for never getting it

Oh my God

I’ve found that crisis does it, too. I him (cat friend, we’ll call him lol) while in a city a few hours from home, because my mom was helicoptered there for emergency surgery, and was in ICU for over a month. It was a horrible, terrible time, and the state I was in when I met cat friend definitely contributed to the friendship. He didn’t know me from Adam, but he was there for me when I needed someone

Once met a dude in Walmart who had a cat with him. Talked in Walmart, and now he’s one of my best friends.

One of my favorites, and my BF didn’t get it D:

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says “why the long face? Are you depressed?”

The horse replies “I don’t think I am”

At which point, the horse promptly disappears.

Now, if you’re at all familiar with the works of Rene Descartes, you’re likely chuckling at this point, knowing his famous quote “I think, therefore I am”

But to tell you that first would have been to put Descartes before the horse.

It’s an actual chant. I don’t believe it is normally followed by Kali Maa, however. Chants normally focus on a singular deity or deva, to the best of my knowledge.

My mom and I moved to a new apartment, leaving behind basically everything we owned when I was about 17.

We made a post on Craigslist that said basically “in need of a couch, new apartment, single mom, can’t afford much but can pay up to 30 dollars”

We got dozens of emails. People telling us we could have tables, chairs, pots and pans, clothes… They furnished our entire apartment for nothing.

You know how if you’re reading a headline from the onion and you mistake it for real you’ve “eaten the onion?”

Is there a name for the reverse phenomenon? Where a real headline reflecting actual reality is so ridiculous that you reject it out of hand as satire only to realize it was genuine? Regurgitating the onion? What’s the name for this?

I did Nazi that joke coming…

Grew up in Hampton Roads (Portsmouth, Newport News, VAB mainly, but lived all over). It’d be so cool to just walk down to the strip, step into the ocean, and slowly grow to the size that I could walk to Europe like I was walking across a small, shallow pond, then shrink back down to size, get my passport stamped, and have some German beer and sausages before coming home. Lol