My mom is finally cancer free! Also, my best friend of 20 years might move to the city I live in :)

Listen. If you separate the dessert side, and debone and shred that chicken, I would 100% try the bite with the grape on it.

You. Get out.

Thank you, kind stranger!

Divorce her immediately.

The Shining, then Practical Magic

drunk lush of a woman

I am certainly not here to be all like MEN DO IT TOO but I felt the need to drop an anecdote about a lead singer in a band I toured with once. He only drank black label beer, no liquor. He blacked out every night and pissed all the beds he met lol

The lyrics support this.

Well, the party was nice, the party was pumpin’ Heya, yippie yi yo And everybody havin’ a ball Huh, huh, yippie yi yo I tell the fellas start the name callin’ Yippie yi yo And the girls respond to the call I heard a woman shout out Who let the dogs out? Who, who, who, who, who?

Fucking SAME. I bartended and served through college (my degree doesn’t pay well due to YouTube tutorials that have flourished in my industry, lol ouch) and after, and then finally at 30 I started temping in manufacturing, which led to me permanently hired at a huge company with ridiculous benefits, and am now a supervisor in engine assembly that will make 6 figures in 3 years.

I desperately wish I had gone into trade school when I was 18.

GRRRRRRUBHUB! VS! TACO BELL! BEGIN!

I fell for it and was momentarily outraged. Goke’s on me.

“You miss every shot you don’t take!” or similar. It’s useless, makes no sense, and is disrespectful to yourself and others.

Which is why I love saying it to pricks at work.

I know it wouldn’t slap the same on Lemmy, but that is a user account I miss deeply.

If you wanna get real pedantic about it, millennials are considered to be FROM 1981 to 1996. I was born a few years after you, and I get called an Elder Millennial. Which always makes me imagine those Teletubbie Elders and they’re bad ass.

ETA: I don’t think you can ever escape the “you’re too young to understand” crowd of GenX haters. I caught that shade too, which is extremely boring and rude lol

Hey super hunky dream guy! You said we should meet for lunch, what was that restaurant you mentioned?

Wow!!! This is fascinating-- I was raised with

Great big gobs of Greasy, Grimy, Gopher Guts Propagated Porcus Puts Sterilized Monkey Eyes, And me without a spoon! scoop Too Bad!

I think my mom was crazy on second thought

You’re the one that’s crazy!

Tracy Jordan says it best in 30 Rock -“No, Superman does good. You’re doing well.”

Awesome. Awesome to the max.

Next - Too Close

I recall my friends and I singing some of these lyrics when we were 11-12 with zero idea that it’s blatantly about a hard dick. The radio channel that played it didn’t come in too well where I lived, so we didn’t know 99% of the song, only the melody.