Most of my life I have been an attentive, giving and generous man. At 60, I’m surprised at how self-centered have become.
I’m 55. I was a potato couch until 47. Then I discovered the outdoors, the mountains, the sea, the rivers. Turns out I hated gyms not exercise and I am passionate about nature.
I was never interested in clothes. Then I found out about second hand stores. Turns out I hated current fast fashion, not clothes.
I used to argue a lot, now I don’t bother. Some people do not deserve the compliment of rational opposition.
Just how alone I’ve made myself. I had many opportunities for it not be this way, yet here I am.
That I’m alive I guess? Didn’t expect to make it to 15,now almost 30.
Everything is still shit, but I got older instead of dead.
I used to believe in love. After getting my heart broken so many times, I’ve realized that men, gay or straight, aren’t built for that, so I no longer expect anything other than a temporary connection that will lead to sex and then stop. So fuck it, I only want sex now. I’ve been alone, and I can stay alone.
It might help to lean that some ≠ all. I mean, let be honest; there are hundreds of millions of men, both gay and straight- that are in healthy monogamous relationships across the globe. And while our anecdotal experience may sometimes be a valid cause, it’s not invitation to suspend belief that there may be exceptions to our personal experience.
Just, try your best to give him time and be patient, he’s making his way to you. I promise.
I’m not saying all men, because I was one of those men who valued loyalty above all and planned to have my one and only. I still think these men exist, but they’re very rare, especially in the gay world. I even find them a little naive for my taste now. It takes a very particular mindset and self-control to stick to monogamy in the long term, and that’s what I’ve lost out of spite, because I never got that in return.
By “men aren’t built for that,” I mean so many things by that, from our biology to the endless barrage of cheating stories, and even to socio-cultural differences between countries. Too many things point to us not being a monogamous species, but our societies in the West tend to romanticize and entertain the idea anyway.
That’s fair and I understand to a degree. But if we replace “men” with “people” I’d totally agree. But that’s a massive undertaking to unpack.
Still, I honestly wish you the best!
Yeah, absolutely, women are quite horny too, and I don’t mean to downplay that. I’m only talking about my experience and what led me to this attitude that I wouldn’t have accepted for me mere years ago.
And thank you, you’re very kind, and that’s very commendable of you.
Anytime! And again, best of luck to ya.
I was pretty hardcore straight edge in college. Now I drink more days than I don’t.
That I’m actually married to a woman I love and who loves me.
When I was 20 I thought I’d die a sad virgin.
When I was 30 I thought I was incapable of sustaining a relationship.
Turns out there are other people who are asbrokenweird as me, some of them are women, and one of them was the right one for me.I recently visited Blackpool Tower, which has a glass bottom bit near the top where you walk on glass and can see a massive, definitely lethal, drop underneath you. I was petrified to get on it, and could only walk on the glass by looking upwards.
Until that moment I thought I was still brave. Im scared of heights but fear never really stopped me from doing much before. Ive avoided certainties out of pragmatic fear, but I’d never known myself to be scared of fear itself until that moment.
Going to the glass and finding myself unable to walk onto it was very surprising. I even told my wife “huh, this is new…”
I keep finding new little things like this. For example, I started crying at the dentist during a routine appointment. Turns out that time I had oral surgery and was given insufficient anesthesia kinda traumatized me and I didn’t realize it had stuck with me like that. Huh, new fear unlocked. Lucky me.
I have a problem like that with man made static heights.Sounds weirdly specific but Rollercoasters dont bother me, flying is fine and edges of cliffs are ok. But a railing on a hotel balcony or glass floor over a drop… GET FUCKED.
That I am a functioning human. Several conspired against it over the years.
That I’m my age. I’m in my late thirties, but sometimes I still feel like I’m nineteen.
Same. I turn 40 next year, and remember my dad at that age, but still feel like a kid.
Mid-thirties and I’ve been crushing on people like I’m 16 again.
I remember over 10 years ago that my physics teacher said: “You never stop feeling young, you just see the symptoms”
I’m in my 40s but, in a general sense, I’m still 25 in my mind. I’m a bit wiser than when I was actually 25 though.
That gives me hope that in ten years I’ll stop feeling like I’m thirteen lol
I am in my mid-50s and surprised by a few things. I’m not jaded, small things still delight me. I’m not nostalgic, find so much good new music every year, new authors and books, still figure out different ways to approach problems at my work - I thought I’d be more stuck or settled by now, and for sure thought I’d be bored and jaded.
And I am constantly surprised nothing really hurts yet, thought I’d be less together physically than I am. Sometimes surprised I can still cartwheel.
I am unhappily surprised to see society going backwards and hope I live long enough to see it turn back around and progress.
At 41 I’m surprised by how much more self confident I have become. I still remember what it felt like being the insecure girl I was in high school, but it’s so obvious to me now that the things I was afraid of then were silly. I wish I had worried less and enjoyed life more back then, but I’m glad I have come as far as I have. I wonder when I look back in another 25 years if I’ll feel just as foreign to myself at 41.
I became a dad at 43, not what I expected, and it is softening me in ways I always hoped for, and never thought I’d see. My family’s rage problem has to stop with me, he can’t see it.
That’s a hell of a thing to dive into and grab hold of: it cannot be successfully white-knuckled forever and you actually have to get to the root cause of it. Not impossible, not at all, but definitely uncomfortable. Worth it, though. You have my sincere respect.
(nearing my 60s). What surprises me about myself:
- To still be alive. I have severe (non-curable) health issues + I narrowly escaped dead once already, that was a few years ago. Given that, I consider every single day as a gift or, at least, I try not to forget that it’s a gift even when said day doesn’t feel that wonderful to live through ;)
- My never ending love (and respect) for writing and for reading books. Both helped made me who I am as a person and they still do, every single day. Those two skills are essentials, but reading probably is the most important of them.
What follows has not much to do with the original question, so feel free to ignore it or you can see it as a free bonus ;)
(old moron rant mode ON)
Books are an almost magical way (without any magic in them, it’s pure brain power and smartness) to have a discussion through space and time with some of the brightest minds (and also quite a few of the dumbest ones, to be honest) humanity ever had. Books are also very patient teachers that will follow along at your pace, never rushing you, never holding you back. And then, some of those books may even become lifelong friends and companions that you will always be able to rely on, like a best friend.
That’s one of the reasons I’m so sad to see more and more younger people that don’t and probably won’t ever read a book in their entire life. Like if it meant nothing, like if was just another way to waste one’s time, like doom scrolling, binge watching or… fapping. It is not. Alas, one cannot realize that unless one starts making a habit out of reading and one learns to properly read.
Because, like walking, singing, drawing, building rocket ships or riding a bike, reading is a skill that must be learned before one can hope to get good at it. It needs to be properly learned. And there is no shortcut to learning that: it’s called education.
Teaching kids is something too many adults seem to have decided was not worth bothering with. When I first read this I could have cried if I was not already aware of the issue: The Elite College Students Who Can’t Read Books.
Those kids are not stupid, and certainly stupider than we were at their age, don’t get me wrong. But they’re also so screwed up it’s hard to describe. And it is us, parents and all adults alike, that screwed them up by failing at educating them.
It’s not just sad, it’s a tragedy. For those kids. But they won’t realize how deeply they have been screwed up by the failing educative system up until it’s too late for them. The day they will begin their own adult life and they will be required to compete against other young people among them, against those who will have been properly educated not just to be able to read books (and properly use them). They won’t stand a chance, no matter how smart they are, because being able to properly use books is like the ultimate cheat code.
So, if you’re young and happen to read this rant by a random old dude you will never meet IRL (hi from France, where our once reputed educative is at least as badly wrecked as the the US system discussed in the linked article). If all you know about books is that they’re dust magnets that have no WiFi, no Likes and no moving images in them (you’re not wrong). If you have never seen any of the so-called ‘adults’ around you open a book and have a fucking great time while reading it. If all or any of that apply to you, it’s not too late for you.
Go to your local library and get a card (it’s free, in most places). Once you get your card start bugging the shit out of your librarian by (gently) asking them for reading advice, making it clear you’re a beginner (that’s OK). Don’t be afraid to tell them you did not enjoy a book they suggested that’s not belittling them and, if they’re not stupid, they will be able to use your feedback to narrow down their next suggestion to something that will suit you a little better.
You don’t like/want to talk to librarians? Pick books yourself and test them (your school must have its own library). If you realize you don’t like one book, just put t back and try with another one as there is no law anywhere on the planet that requires a reader to finish a book they started but they don’t like. You can also start reading with friends, and discuss the book while you’re reading it, or after. Or both :)
One last advice that, I fear, will make most potential new readers run away from me and my stupid rant but that still needs to be told: don’t be afraid to read… classics. There, I said it. Don’t listen to the hype (or to the hate). You can be sure books that have withstands a few centuries of reader’s attention, if not more than centuries, are still there for a very good reason. No matter what some trendy influencer or some angry crowd may say about it. Also, it’s ok to start a classic and to not like it, that’s fine. Try some other one ;)
(old moron rant mode OFF)
Thank you, that was a good read.
My pleasure.
I would so much love to see more kids read books… Not for my own satisfaction (it’s unlikely this will help me last a second more than my allotted time on this planet) but for themselves. Instead of learning to read, and to read as widely as they can and to discuss what they are reading (and, let’s be crazy one moment, to start writing too), they’re being encouraged to waste so much of their time on useless shit activities by the very same persons that should worry the most about those kids future: their parents, family and teachers.
At 55 I’m astounded just how quickly my body changed. And not for the better.
My whole life I was one of those hyper kids with the metabolism of a hummingbird. I could rely on seemingly limitless energy to get me through my day. I looked half my age. I could subsist almost exclusively on sugar and caffeine. I’m not sure exactly when, but I feel like I woke up one morning and it was just gone. Like I lost a fucking bet or something.
I loved being skinny, and I’m not “fat” by anyone’s definition, but this absolutely a dad bod now. I need to watch what I eat and take supplements. I get sore for no apparent reason. And I’d be okay with that if I at least had the stamina and energy that I used to, but I don’t even have that anymore. There are days I just feel straight up fucking frail.
I stay active. I work full time in a physically demanding job and I’ve got a 4 year old who keeps me on my toes. I don’t remember my parents complaining about this when they were in their 50’s. Makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong.
Not sure if you’re genuinely asking at the end there, but you’re probably not doing anything wrong!
As someone who is not a doctor (check with one and go with what they say): you’re at the age where sarcopenia starts accelerating rapidly. And from your description it sounds like the most likely cause for your symptoms. It affects basically everyone so this is somewhat of a safe assumption
The good news is you can pretty much totally reverse all the effects with resistance training and a couple diet changes to support your training. What we’ve found is that many people even up into their 80’s can be restored to strength similar to that of an average (untrained) 30 year old. Which is a supermassive win in terms of quality of life and independence
The bad news is that about 90% of people hear “exercise and eat healthy” and just roll their eyes like it’s a cliché, unobtainable ideal that everyone knows they should do but nobody does. Or they think they are already doing it, but they don’t realize they need resistance training specifically. It’s also common for people to believe they have somehow “missed the boat” on training because they aren’t twenty anymore (I’ve even heard 28 year olds say this).
But the therapeutic dose for training is very attainable. Don’t need to become a gym bro. Don’t need to obsess over gains. Like 2x a week, one hour each, could probably get it done in 40 mins once you really know what you’re doing. And it’s very worth doing, you get back the time investment about tenfold just from the increase in energy
But yeah, just wanted to throw it out there for you or for anybody feeling the same way who might end up thinking they want to give training a chance! For disclosure I am a trainer at a local gym but I don’t have an online service or anything to sell on lemmy. As such I’m happy to answer any questions and offer suggestions on how to get started
Well dude, I looked over your reply, read up on sarcopenia, and made a few decisions.
I don’t feel the type of severe fatigue or weaknesses that I read about, but I can absolutely agree that doing some resistance exercises and adding more protein to my diet would be wise, so I’ll be doing that.
I’ve got therapy bands at home already, so it’s just a matter of finding a set of exercises to get started on. I appreciate the advice.
Right on! Best of luck to you
Again no pressure or expectations or anything, just throwing some stuff out there for whoever may be curious - The basic thing with exercise selection is you want to make sure “the big six” are represented somewhere in your routine each week. These are movement patterns, and not specific exercises with specific implements (you could use bodyweight, or dumbbells, or barbells, or a machine, or rig up one of your resistance bands, or a bucket of water, or a big rock, etc.)
The big six are namely:
Horizontal push (like a bench press, or a chest fly, or pushups)
Horizontal pull (like a seated row)
Vertical push (like an overhead press)
Vertical pull (like pull-ups, or lat pulldowns)
Squat (like goblet squats, or lunges)
Hinge (like deadlifts, RDLs, back extensions, or hip thrusts)
There’s really about a thousand ways to set up for each of these! You’ll notice that any “proven” program you find online will have something from each category. You probably also want to add some core (crunches, leg lifts) and some cardio like the other user suggested. Stuff like bicep curls, leg extensions, and other single joint isolation movements are great if you want to focus a particular area. Not a huge priority though if you’re tight on time
The main thing is, whatever the specific exercises you end up going with - you want these movements to be performed safely, but at the same time still be quite challenging, so make sure to carefully check a technique video if you have any doubts. You also want a way to “scale” the movement over time as you get stronger
Rule of thumb is you want to aim for a resistance you can perform at least ten repetitions with, and when you get strong enough to where you can do like 17 or 18 reps then increase the resistance a little bit and start the process over. Most people will notice this process starts to slow down a lot after a year or two - there’s really no pressure to keep chasing higher numbers after this point unless you just really love pushing yourself!
Oh, and you also probably want to perform 2 or 3 sets of each exercise before moving on to the next.
There’s tons of valid ways to progress but this one is pretty foolproof. After a few months, if you’re very confident with a movement pattern you can start using heavier rep ranges like 8-12 or 6-10. Or you can go lighter if it’s more convenient for your setup. Pretty much any rep range works between 5 and 30
And yeah for food basically just get your veggies, reasonable amount of carbs and fats, and shoot for a decent protein goal, usually like 70-100g per day is plenty, it’s okay to go higher though if that feels better. Eat a little more or a little less food overall if you want your weight to go up or down. Be really really really careful with any nutritional suggestions that are more complicated than that. There’s an unlimited amount of scammers out there, unfortunately, who will try to sell you on various schemes
This is very good, and it’s also worth noting that the benefits can also come from aerobic exercise; and if your joints or back are an issue for waking/running, consider cycling or swimming. Ideally, I think one would do a mixture of both resistance training and steady-state cardio; then later, if fit enough, some HIIT. Worth noting I think that when it comes to something as intensive on the body as going through chemotherapy, strong studies suggest pretty big benefits, which would apply to anyone with energy-based issues, presumably.
The beauty of light aerobic is that to get the benefits of increased energy, you can need only do light aerobic activity that is (a) easy to recover from, and (b) increase mitochondria count, and © lowers your weight which translates to a myriad of downstream benefits including less energy consumed at baseline throughout your day.
Cardio is good for almost everyone (ramp into it slowly if it’s been many years!). I would note however that while the benefits overlap, they are not the same. I focus my outreach on resistance training (anaerobic exercise) primarily because it’s often overlooked and misunderstood. I would hope nobody walks away from this thinking they can do either resistance training or sessions on an exercise bike and achieve all the same health outcomes
I’d like to suggest they may be more complementary than strictly achieving the same, which seems like why most studies suggest trying to perform a mixture. Of course, something is better than nothing relative to your interest and limitations! (eg, arthritis, joint issues, preexisting conditions etc.)
Speaking only for myself, I definitely feel the best mentally and physically when balancing the two. And if I happen to take a break from both, boy, does my mental state nose-dive within 2 weeks.
Just chiming in to reinforce Carmelians point that the sarcopoenia in particular is a highly likely aetiological predisposing factor for OP’s described experience (as noted, for a male >50yoa it’s pretty much a given), and strength/resistance training is the only realistic compensating strategy. You’re correct that they don’t achieve the same, and that both are required, and that something is better than nothing. But its also true that the strength component seems to be more overlooked in the popular approaches to the vicissitudes of aging, so bears particular emphasis
Definitely, yeah you didn’t say anything wrong! I just try to aim for max clarity on the point. I hear frequently from trainees IRL and people on various forums that they thought they didn’t need to train lower body because it was already covered by running or whatever.
It’s become a pet peeve of mine so I try to nip it in the bud whenever possible!
Absolutely! I admittedly fell for this for many years as a runner, but these days I do just some light/moderate squats, leg extensions, curls, alongside sprints/inclines, etc. and it’s made a big difference! Especially in stability.
This person speaks truth
I feel like I’m you about two decades behind, so this concerns me lol. I’ve always been thin, always high metabolism, and generally have a ton of energy.
However I will say: The first time I’ve experienced true, relentless fatigue was with raising a child lol. You just can’t turn your brain off and consistent, quality sleep tends to be a thing of the past. There’s just damage done when you get that much consistent sleep loss. You can’t just “catch up” without some damage being done, I think.
My goals to age as best as I can (and know that I will inevitably fail at some point) is to remain pretty physically active especially in terms of aerobic exercise. I’ll stick with my whole foods plant-based diet that has worked well for me for going on 20 years now, and doing my best to lower my stress with hobbies and family, etc.
Ever considered having your testosterone checked?
Second
That’s late night TV bullshit.
@SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca
@uhmbah@lemmy.ca @gigastasio@sh.itjust.works @shittydwarf@piefed.social
I had a host of symtpoms that could be attributed to low testosterone, or depression, or a couple of other things. I went to my GP and asked for blood tests, to include testosterone & kidney function.
My testosterone is fine (upper end of normal range) so NOW my GP & I can direct efforts towards what the actual problems are rather than wonder about low testosterone as a cause.
It’s a reasonable thing to have tested as low testosterone for men over 50 most definitely can be a source of problems.
What do you mean? Yeah I’m not one to suggest people need to be roiding up or anything, and usually low T levels is indicative of some other upstream issue whether deficiency, lack of fitness, socialization, exercise, etc., but it’s worth checking with doctor.
In particular, if one’s testosterone level is low, then the next step is to see an endocrinologist. They will run an additional battery of tests to trace down exactly what is going wrong. In my case, they essentially concluded that my brain was sending out the correct signal, but it was not driving the correct response, so they prescribed a once a month injectable medication to supplement it directly.
I was told exactly the same thing years ago but admittedly never followed up with the Endocrinologist (many reasons). Like I was surging LH, but the response in the nethers wasn’t there.
The good news is bloodwork on a later routine visit showed my T levels seemed pretty normal.
Out of curiosity did your endocrinologist have any theories why this disruption between messaging and production was occurring?
Out of curiosity did your endocrinologist have any theories why this disruption between messaging and production was occurring?
I can’t remember if she had a theory or not beyond what I said, only that the additional tests did not identify the cause as being something else going wrong that could be treated directly, leaving testosterone supplementation as the best option.
No, if your testosterone level is low then it can definitely affect energy levels, so it is worth checking up on it. The “late night TV bullshit” only starts if the test says your testosterone is within the normal range for your age, but you decide to supplement it anyway.
Not true; keep reading
I’m surprised at how much more methodic and organized I’ve become. Taking notes to get thoughts out of my head helps me reduce brain clutter.
Turning chores into pleasurable activities (podcasts while cleaning or cooking) also helped.
I’ve also grown more patient with other people’s actions. People don’t usually act with malice, more often it is just plain inability.
Also, very little fucks remain to be given.
