I took the liberty to look through your comments (because I am surprised this could happen here). Are you referring to this comment (thread) here: https://lemmy.world/comment/22163882
If so and if you’re in a good mood/healthy headspace, take a moment to re-read it again.
Now, I can’t see what the person responded to exactly but to me they seemed genuinely respectful and polite. I’d perhaps strike out the word “effectively” but else wouldn’t really change a thing in that comment. I don’t think they intended to reject you, or worse, take away your identity, at all.
Also, if I had to guess: Most downvotes of the original comment probably came not from people who denied your identity but people who thought your comment seemed rude/too negative.
As a last thing: I suggest turning off (the visibility of) downvotes in your Lemmy client. I think most of them have such a setting somewhere. It’s not really worth having them activated if they can cause such strong distress (nor do I believe anyone would want you to feel this way if they downvote you).
By the way, this comment is not meant to reject/invalidate you either. It’s only my personal view and it might be partially or fully wrong - which is why I used phrasing like “probably”, “seem”, “I think”, and “I believe” to convey subjectivity.
That response was the explanation I was referring to, yes. I’m the one who upvoted it because it was a nice explanation. I deleted the comment I made that this was responding to. I’m pretty sure I’ve already deleted my own comments that sparked these exchanges, so you’ll only be able to find responses.
I tend to delete anything that causes me anxiety, both because the existence of the comment is causing me distress and also because I’m perpetually misunderstood. It always “feels” like I’m to blame for these stressful situations even when I know I’m not responsible.
The comms I’ve had this issue with always upvote my initial comment declaring my asexuality and then downvote the comment where I talk about trauma. Even without explanation that strikes me as a clear rejection.
Thanks for looking into this, I’m a little shocked someone took the time. It’s appreciated.
Ah, alright then. I only really found this thread so I didn’t know this has happened multiple times.
I can’t really help you with managing your anxiety, but I do have one piece of unsolicited advice: Since you are likely more sensitive with regards to your trauma (I mean, it’s somewhat impossible not to be), you could try to limit talking about it to safe® spaces, like queer communities or instances, in either of which you are less likely to be hurt/rejected.
But regardless, it should be pretty apparent by now that sexual trauma can affect sexuality in various ways. Like, I recall hearing of bisexual people who were sexually abused and lost parts of their attraction to their abuser’s gender. That should be fairly intuitive to most, it’s disappointing that people don’t treat your case the same.
![Belonging [Rule]](https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/pictrs/image/1b5b5a43-081d-4a89-8db4-685cc43a43ff.webp){kind=link}
I took the liberty to look through your comments (because I am surprised this could happen here). Are you referring to this comment (thread) here: https://lemmy.world/comment/22163882
If so and if you’re in a good mood/healthy headspace, take a moment to re-read it again.
Now, I can’t see what the person responded to exactly but to me they seemed genuinely respectful and polite. I’d perhaps strike out the word “effectively” but else wouldn’t really change a thing in that comment. I don’t think they intended to reject you, or worse, take away your identity, at all.
Also, if I had to guess: Most downvotes of the original comment probably came not from people who denied your identity but people who thought your comment seemed rude/too negative.
As a last thing: I suggest turning off (the visibility of) downvotes in your Lemmy client. I think most of them have such a setting somewhere. It’s not really worth having them activated if they can cause such strong distress (nor do I believe anyone would want you to feel this way if they downvote you).
By the way, this comment is not meant to reject/invalidate you either. It’s only my personal view and it might be partially or fully wrong - which is why I used phrasing like “probably”, “seem”, “I think”, and “I believe” to convey subjectivity.
That response was the explanation I was referring to, yes. I’m the one who upvoted it because it was a nice explanation. I deleted the comment I made that this was responding to. I’m pretty sure I’ve already deleted my own comments that sparked these exchanges, so you’ll only be able to find responses.
I tend to delete anything that causes me anxiety, both because the existence of the comment is causing me distress and also because I’m perpetually misunderstood. It always “feels” like I’m to blame for these stressful situations even when I know I’m not responsible.
The comms I’ve had this issue with always upvote my initial comment declaring my asexuality and then downvote the comment where I talk about trauma. Even without explanation that strikes me as a clear rejection.
Thanks for looking into this, I’m a little shocked someone took the time. It’s appreciated.
Ah, alright then. I only really found this thread so I didn’t know this has happened multiple times.
I can’t really help you with managing your anxiety, but I do have one piece of unsolicited advice: Since you are likely more sensitive with regards to your trauma (I mean, it’s somewhat impossible not to be), you could try to limit talking about it to safe® spaces, like queer communities or instances, in either of which you are less likely to be hurt/rejected.
But regardless, it should be pretty apparent by now that sexual trauma can affect sexuality in various ways. Like, I recall hearing of bisexual people who were sexually abused and lost parts of their attraction to their abuser’s gender. That should be fairly intuitive to most, it’s disappointing that people don’t treat your case the same.