Playing video games. I have no time or patience anymore to enjoy playing, it just feels like I’m wasting my time and losing money. I’m not in poverty, but most of my waking hours during the week days are spent working. I feel like to do a lot of things I used to enjoy I would have to be paid to do it.
Holidays. I’m 50 and I have absolutely come to hate them. Can’t really afford to celebrate or get gifts, so I resent them for existing and I hate hearing about others’ pleasant experiences with them.
Last year when I was hitting the food bank so I could survive, an obscenely rich friend sent me a text message “I’m heading for a 2 week cruise this Christmas, where are you going?”
Taking days off work. My housemate works from home so when I’m off I still have to be respectful of that fact and not do anything too loud when he’s on the phone. Wouldn’t be an issue if I could afford to live alone. Also just never being able to be really alone because they never seem to go out while I’m home fucking sucks.
Do you and your housemate pay the same rent for the space? Not trying to start anything, just curious how that part of the deal works out.
No, he owns the place and I am renting half the basement and he’s giving me a very good deal. Like I would have been pretty fucked if he had not come along and offered it when he did. I also don’t really think it’s unreasonable to not be loud and annoying when you’re sharing space with people. There’s just times where it’s like “damn I wish I could just use my circular saw right now instead of waiting for the afternoon” or shit like that. It is what it is. It’s more frustrating that I’ve been working and advancing in my field for 15 years now and still can’t afford a fucking house of my own than anything he’s doing.
yeah no sounds like a decent deal and you’re a kickass house mate to have, I also WFH so I have often wondered about how a roomate/housemate relationship would work from a business / financial perspective, appreciate the data point.
I feel your pain about the career aspect, also 15 years in my field and I have a spouse… So I get it - doubt I would of partnered up if I had been able to afford living expenses on my own. (I love my spouse and I am overall happy, I just think I may have made different choices in a different set of circumstances).
Spending money in pretty much any capacity. My financial situation is a good bit better than before; so I do have money to spend on non-essentials, but it’s a struggle every time.
Last week me and my partner went to an aquarium, it was $50 a head for admission. I paid the $100 and spent the next 10 mins pretending to enjoy the aquarium while I ran the numbers in my head to make sure this expense wasn’t going to be the end of me. The anxiety never really went away and as we left I checked my bank account and my budget. I still had like $600 of unallocated funds.
Every time my friends want to do anything that would cost me over $20, I’m apprehensive and I get serious anxiety if I spend $20+ more than like 3 times a week. It’s exhausting.
Here is what I do: Host your friends at your place for sports, grilling, video games, playing touch football or soccer in your backyard, etc. Much better activities, make memories, and a lot cheaper, more intimate, and better for everyone’s relationship.
Ah unfortunately that would require a place more substantial than a small bedroom in my dad’s apartment 40 minutes out in the boonies. So I have to essentially wait for my ADHD friends to make plans at their bigger places, which is pretty infrequent since they’re way more happy just hanging out on discord every night than I am.
Gardening.
I just liked that I could grow things but now if I have a bad year where something doesnt grow it means more stuff to buy and I don’t feel like I can try planting something that might not grow well just to try it.
Also concerts.
Didnt have the money for them my whole life until recently and now they are overpriced, impossible to figure out logistically with Ticketmaster and when you go its mostly wealthy people sitting and not dancing or seemingly enjoying themselves past the overpriced drinks.Just a thought. The concert goers might be more of an audience age bias than a whole cocnert trend. I’m guessing you’re seeing older bands from your younger days. Their audience is aging the same as you. Might be a venue thing as well, with currently-touring older bands drawing larger crowds, necessitating larger venues that come with more seats and less pit. I saw Rob Zombie at a mid-size venue and the crowd was pretty tame. Same for Disturbed. Meanwhile, I saw Jinjer at a small venue with no seats and the crowd was rocking. Not much of a pit, but far from dead. Same for Highly Suspect, though no pit at all as everyone crowded to the stage. All 4 were after 2020, for reference
Hahahaha… Oh no… Oh. No. From my younger days? I go back a decade and I’m in high school, and the bands I listened to then were all dead already (Journey, Eagles, Jim Croce)
No I saw Mammoth recently and 3 people were bobbing their head in the front and there were people sitting on the floor in the back.
Basically true for AJR, and others. Only true pit experience I got was The Wrecks who split the audience in 3 groups to make us compete against each other and then ran around trying to find people in the audience to dance with, but even then it was the minority position to dance.
Spent the past decade too poor to pursue romantic interests, led to me ruining two potential relationships by being so stressed about not being able to provide even enough for myself, let alone supporting or going out on dates with another person.
Nearly everything.
Sitting on a bench watching the world go by. Now I have to hold a sign and keep my sleeping bag dry too.
Eating.
I’ve always liked to eat. And I haven’t been impoverished for years now. But even though I was only homeless and impoverished for a little over a year, it destroyed my relationship with food.
If I have food in front of me, I have to eat it. My brain is convinced I might not have anything else to eat for an unknown amount of time and so I need to eat as much as I can while it’s available.
I can recognize that this is not true, and actively stop myself. But it’s an active intervention every time, and it’s exhausting.
My grandmother grew up during the great depression. We’re not the worst off, yet, my twin works at a grocery so we get a discount. But that shit was passed down to me. I can’t not finish food. Especially if it tastes good, my brain is just EAT NOW EAT BEFORE GONE and man. Fucks a body up.
Same. I grew up poor so when we had food, we ate. Now I have a good job, decent income, and I over eat all the time. Currently doing low carb (again) to lose the weight I’ve put on. I’ve had eating disorders my entire 49 years, or at least as far back as I can remember.
I grew up the exact way you’re describing. It’s a struggle I’m working on right now. Best of luck to
Just being comfortable and peaceful when nothing is evidently wrong. People taking things for granted bothers me because I can’t. Permanent fight or flight.
I was talking to a friend years ago and I mentioned this same thing. I tried and couldn’t imagine feeling relaxed even if I won the lotto or something. We were wondering how long it would take to relax, if ever.
I think your brain would have to rewire and maybe some heavy therapy but idk.
For me it’s the sound of rain on a rooftop. First thing is internal panic as I wonder if all the buckets are in place, and dreading the prospect of discovering a new leak. Then wondering how long before the roof collapses. Worrying about how I could possibly cough up the money for a new roof, and worrying about being forced to suddenly move out into a bad situation… again.
Fyi, that’s not necessarily a money thing. I’ve liven in a relatively well off family, went to an apartment in the good/expensive neighbourhood of town. House was old tho, and we has to suffer through reparations. Issues with the reparations, resulting in repeated amount of leaks.
Now I live on the second floor of 4 and the sound of rain and drops of water on the handrail and window borders that are transmitted via walls when I’m on the bed make me go panic mode. I know I’m fine, I know that it’s outside, but fuck. I hate this.
I wasn’t even consciously aware I felt this exact way until I ready this comment, living in a shitbox where it rains 160 days of the year will do a number on you
Mostly everything. Poverty prevents most leisurely activities, and can provoke depression, which compounds and prevents one from even wanting to do things they’ve traditionally enjoyed. Vicious cycle.
Leaving the house.
I used to take my family out to do things like go to the zoo or the movies and get some dinner while we’re out, but with the prices how they are, we can only afford to go out for dinner once or twice a month, let alone tickets for anything.
This hits. I used to love hiking. I used to hike all the time. It’s free. But I have to drive there. That takes fuel. And the more I drive my car, the more likely it is that something on it will break. I can’t afford a repair bill right now, and I can’t afford to be without a car. I have a one hour commute to work with no public transportation available, and I have zero friends or family to help me, so if I’m without a car, I can’t get to work, now I lose my job, I can’t pay rent and lose my home, and I’m homeless.
All I want to do is go back to hiking to relieve some of the anxiety of life, but just thinking about it sends me into a doom spiral of “what if something happens and you ruin your life because you wanted to go walk in the woods”.
we can only afford to go out for dinner once or twice a month
Only twice a month! When I was growing up, my family went out for dinner maybe twice in 20 years haha. Though that’s a bit of a culture difference, I’ve noticed that in America its very normal to out to dinner. Over here it’s more of a special occasion thing, someone turned 50 years old or retired etc.
I specifically remember those two times. I was maybe 6 years of age and I was so confused and unsure about everything. I was just thinking, why are we going out, I don’t know the food there, I don’t know what everything tastes like, I don’t know if I’ll like things. I don’t remember what I ordered but I do remember feeling awkward for telling the waiter what I wanted and then she asked me questions of how I would like the food to be! I didn’t know lol. It was a horrible experience.
The next time we went out to eat, I was maybe 14 or 15. That was more relaxed from my part, I just ordered a stake, I had watched enough Gordon Ramsay to know not to order it well done. So everything went fine on that occasion.
But to be honest, I don’t wish we went out more. I feel like going out is just a unnecessary hassle. I mean… theres other people there, yuck.
What I do remember fondly is the times we went to my grandma’s place for Sunday dinner. Nothing fancy, just some potatoes, some sort of gravy, whatever. The food was not important. The important bit was to see my cousin, going out to the woods/playground while the adults had prepared the dinner. I remember how our family was in charge of bringing the potatoes, or maybe it was our turn to bring the salad stuff and whatnot.
Anyway, this turned into a ramble. I’ll stop here before it gets even more incoherent.
Same, never want to do things with my parents in case they freak out at how much it costs, barely want to go on big trips myself in case i never financially recover 😁
Earth.
