For my birthday, my spouse got me a nicer newer expensive version of a thing I already have. The one I have is older and dented but works just fine. I use it weekly. I never complain about it. I’ve never asked for a newer one. The one I have was given to me by my mother in law, whom I adore. It’s sentimental.

I don’t like new things. When they got me a 3d printer, it was the cheapest one and it was a kit and I had to build myself. I loved it. It’s perfect for me. I regularly buy things used or get things from Buy Nothing groups. I much prefer to repair old things in many ways. My car has over 100k miles. The one before did too. I don’t like new things.

We got into a huge argument because I want to return it. They are so upset with me that they left the house to calm down. Why am I the bad person? Why are they mad at me? I have a very clear tendency for old broken used things. Why am I obligated to like this new thing?

We literally established a rule early in our marriage. I’m not allowed to gift nerdy t shirts. They don’t like them. I love them. I thought they would like them but they do not. So they asked me to stop. This feels the same. I do not like new things. Why am I the bad guy for wanting to return the newer version of the thing I already have?

  • Rumo161@feddit.org
    113·
    8 hours ago

    If a gift is given with expectations its not a gift, its a trade you didnt agree to. You have to be able to deny the gift. Maybe you should talk about expectations and preference.

    • GrayBackgroundMusic@lemmy.zipOP
      2·
      5 hours ago

      You’re getting down voted but it honestly feels like this sometimes. I’ve also heard the phrase covert contract. Essentially if you don’t react properly, you’re punished. It’s happened my whole life.

      • JackbyDev@programming.devEnglish
        1·
        34 minutes ago

        Respectfully, what contract do you think this gift represented? What do you think you’d be getting out of by not accepting it?

        • Michael@slrpnk.netEnglish
          1·
          4 minutes ago

          Is OP supposed to lie and act like they enjoy the gift when in reality they don’t for you to see their behavior as normal? What is the expected normal reaction in your mind?

      • Michael@slrpnk.netEnglish
        1·
        37 minutes ago

        There’s nothing wrong with being true to yourself and reacting honestly. You didn’t intend on ruining the day or hurting their feelings, right?