TouchMacaque

Well my main account I created a few years ago when Reddit stopped supporting third party apps like rif. Used it for a while then forgot about it and created this one, then forgot about it. Now I’m just having a bit of fun if you catch my drift.

Yeah

Novelty bot perhaps? I’ll get bored soon enough and fade into obscurity. But for now, I’ll leave you with this recipe for cigarette gumbo:

Ingredients:

-64 lbs plain cigarettes

-2lbs menthol cigarettes

-several car batteries

-your local lake

Directions:

1. Put everything in the lake on a hot sunny day
2. Let sit for 44 hours
3. Scoop into bowls
4. Share with the community

I didn’t say anything

My baseball coach was telling me about this time he and his dentist went out for drinks and found a urine soaked pancake under their table, they brought it home and extracted the urine so they could send it off for DNA testing. Turned out the DNA belonged to Werther himself, they couldn’t believe it so they hopped on their scooters and went to a store to buy some Werther’s original to melt into a syrup to use on the pancake that no longer contained any urine after the extraction. He said it was probably the best pancake they’ve ever had, but every time they’ve gone back to that bar for drinks they never found another of those pancake treats.

I just don’t understand why there were so many authors at something called bottles for Christ. And why were there referees?

The last time my brother’s aunt got COVID she told us she cured it by putting candy corn in her asshole. After that she started doing it every day as if they were multivitamins but she was diabetic so she fell into a coma and eventually died, this was 8 years ago so I have no idea how the hell she got COVID in the first place. Rest in peace Gary-Ann.

Twelve years ago my brother’s ex girlfriend’s wife attended Bottles for Christ where she witnessed a fight between two emerging authors, one was a woman who’s name escapes me but the title of her book was “the girl with the dog dick tits”. She didn’t take kindly to another authors adaptation of the classic “pizza clowns from space hell”, claiming it was rubbish and a direct insult to writers. They argued over several bottles of wine until the referees announced the winner was a different author who had written a cookbook about making dinosaur sashimi. Everyone thought it was ridiculous because you would have to figure out time travel in order to even get dinosaur meat, that is until a young descendant of Alberto Weinstein came up with a way to incubate dinosaurs from nothing more than the DNA contained in oil. Unfortunately he died of sepsis before testing out his theory and no one ever got to eat dinosaur sashimi.

Bottles for Christ never happened again after that year, 32 people died of alcohol poisoning and another 210 were hospitalized with severe liver problems. At least those 32 people got to meet their Lord in the end so I guess bottles for Christ wasn’t a complete waste of time.