I feel like crap all the time, and I’m running out of curt answers.
I don’t want to lie and say I’m good just because that’s what’s expected of me, but I don’t want to invite discussion into why I feel poorly.
My go-to response is “Living the dream,” because if this life is a dream I hope to wake up soon. Plus not only is it considered an acceptable answer, it can be played off as a joke.
If anyone needs extra context, being asked “how are you” is an extended part of the greeting here. The asker is really just saying hello still, and although some kind of answer is expected, they aren’t actually curious about your welfare. A genuine response throws people off balance, and is probably unwarranted. Think of coworkers, service workers, or even total strangers being asked this dozens of times a day.
I find this question quite fascinating: Culturally, there are countries where this gets asked indeed as a form of greeting, not a genuine question.
In Slavic countries, I feel like if you get asked this question, it’s generally considered to be of genuine interest, and you’ll get a genuine reply. Nothing offensive or informal about saying “Things are bad.” or “I feel bad.”, or any variant of such.
This might be my perception however, and feel free to correct me. I myself think that if someone asks how I’m doing, I have no need or responsibility to “remain positive/pleasant”.
“Hangin’ in there” is what I generally use when I’m not fine but I know it’s just a greeting. It conveys that things are less than fine, but not by how much, and that I’m still functioning.
Some other, more flippant ones: “As well as can be expected”, a shrug and a “meh”, “Too early to tell” (if it’s first thing in the morning / just arriving to work), “Sitting up and taking nourishment”, etc.
You can even skip answering at all, and move directly to the response greeting, “Hey, how are you?”
I like to use lines from Country + Western songs.
“I’m another day older and deeper in debt.” 16 Tons.
"I killed a man in Reno, just to see him die.’ "Folsom Prison Blues.’
You get the idea.
Joke answers that, while untrue, make me smile when I respond.
“Happier than a possum up a pant leg.”
“Busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger.”
“Going crazier than a shit-house rat.” is my favorite but not always cromulent.
“Fine. As always. And you?”
Like you said, that is not the kind of question someone asks to get any kind of personal/intimate answer, it’s merely a way to be polite.
“Eh, tired.”, usually.
People tend to get it. They’re probably tired too.
– Frost
The horrors persist, but so do i.
“I’m still here.”
“Great!”
“Alright, you?”
“Living the dream.”
“Another day in paradise.”
“One day closer to death.”
Depending on my mood
“I’ve been better. But I’ve been worse.”
“I’m alright” seems like the universal way to say “I’m not alright”
Depending on the person:
“Not great tbh.”
“Pretty fucking bad. lol”
“NOT GREAT MY DUDE, NOT GREAT”If it’s someone I have a specific reason to believe does not enjoy the suffering of others, “Not gonna lie, I’m straight up not having a good time my dude”
But usually it’s “Oh, you know”
“Ok”
“Better now that the voices have finally sto… ah dammit.”
