When I was a young woman and alienated teen, the gay bars were so welcoming and safe, it was a safe place for some of us who didn’t fit at the keg parties and proms and shit. We didn’t bother anyone just danced, drank, enjoyed ourselves. Made friends, watched drag shows. It probably helped me stay sane back then. Not to say that was anybody else’s responsibility, just that that’s what it did. They liked having stylish punky girls there, were always welcoming.
Of course that was decades ago and we were not like “tourists” there, if that makes sense, there was more overlap between subcultures and back then at least the gay guys were a subculture. We stayed close to some of those guys, but over half our older gay friends died of AIDS, including two who killed themselves when they got HIV.
I do think of gay bars as spaces SAFE for gay people, not exclusive to us.
Unsure. I’d say “intruders”. If I go to a gay place, it’s not to become a token to a straight person, be they men or women, it’s to get the f away from them. My safe place is not a zoo for straights who can find us cute or exotic, it’s a place where I can finally just be me. Or, they need to make sure that we are welcome in straight bars as well. Else, just GTFO of my safe place.
If they go to a gay bar for safety, then it’s another story.
To sum it up : “Let’s go to the gay bar for fun” = GTFO.
“Let’s go to the gay bar because I’m afraid straight men will harrass/assault/rape me” = “Come in”.
“Let’s go to the gay bar because I’m questionning my sexual orientation and would like to meet gay women” = “Come in”.
What about “let’s go to a gay bar because one or more friends in the group is gay, but not everyone is, and we want to have a great time together AND let our friends be themselves in a safe space”?
I don’t know about others, but I cannot be myself in the company of my straight friends. I’d never go to a gay place with them for fun, making myself an accomplice to their “let’s go to the zoo watch the gays” mindset, I’d go to a gay place to get away from them. Straight people have no idea how tiring it is to mask for them. When I’m around people I need at least 4 hours to myself before I can interact with anybody else.
I get it. But if they are your friends, you shouldn’t be masking too hard. Maybe what you call friends, I call acquaintences. “Let’s go to the zoo and watch gays” is not what I was referring to. I’m talking real allies who accept you, not just politely tolerate.
Either way, I get it. It’s great to have a space of your own. Good clubs often have occasional and even regular open nights where it’s more inclusive, without losing the importance of what the space was always meant to be.
You have every right.
What’s my opinion about women going somewhere where they know they’ll be safe, you mean?
Yeah… OP reaks of being pissed that some girls have figured out a safe space and he’s too straight to go to a gay bar.
I’m happy these girls have found a safe space, I’m sad they had to find a safe space.
I’m gay. Bachelorette parties “taking over” gay bars and then SA gay men because “you’re gay so you don’t care if I grab your butt” is annoying AF. Objectify gay men in our safe spaces is unacceptable.
My apologies, I made a poor assumption.
That kind of behavior should result in being ejected from any (every) establishment.
You’re exactly right: your safe space must be kept safe.
Being neither a woman or gay, I have no definitive opinion on this
Then why did you reply?
Main character.
