I do think of gay bars as spaces SAFE for gay people, not exclusive to us.
So as long as I’m a good boy, I’m okay to be there?
I’m not going there on purpose, but I managed to stumble into bars a couple of times without noticing it at first. I finished my drink and went on as I didn’t want to offend anyone as the foreign object invading.
Nobody cares.
When I was younger gay bars were always the pre-drink bars.
It’s not like they’re all you can eat buffets where everyone is down, it’s just a place where gay people feel comfortable approaching people they’re attracted to.
So by being there, the only thing you’re agreeing to, is not to freak out if a guy hits on you. It’s a very low bar to clear.
Probably because that’s what they are supposed to be?
That being said, as a straight man who’s been to a lot of gay bars all over, I know more people (regardless of gender) who were drugged at gay bars than people (again, regardless of gender) who were drugged in “straight bars”.
Like, it depends on your definition of “safe” I guess, and obviously the individual bar. All it takes is one douchebag to make anywhere unsafe.
You probably just meant “gay bars are a safe place to be openly (whatever sexuality you are)”.
Which is true.
I’ve never seen any gay bar discriminate against straight people tho, the absolute closest would be they treat hot women as normal people. And especially for young attractive women that could come off as discrimination. Because they don’t realize how much preferential treatment they get at straight bars, and that it’s all based on their physical looks.
I’m a straight dude. IMO, I should be just as welcome at a “gay” bar as “gay” folks are at any other place. I’ve been chatted up respectfully by dudes in gay bars and had a “twink” try to shove his hands down my pants (and a few experiences between). The former is how people of all genders should be treated at all bars. Sure, it’s more likely that you’ll get chatted by a dude at a gay bar, but believe it or not, the last guy that asked me out was at a decidedly NOT gay bar.
You were not asked by op, though.
Yeah, sorry for having an opinion on the internet that is adjacent to the topic. I’m assuming the downvotes are because people think gay people should be unwelcome at “non-gay” establishments.
You’re assuming too much.
When I was a young woman and alienated teen, the gay bars were so welcoming and safe, it was a safe place for some of us who didn’t fit at the keg parties and proms and shit. We didn’t bother anyone just danced, drank, enjoyed ourselves. Made friends, watched drag shows. It probably helped me stay sane back then. Not to say that was anybody else’s responsibility, just that that’s what it did. They liked having stylish punky girls there, were always welcoming.
Of course that was decades ago and we were not like “tourists” there, if that makes sense, there was more overlap between subcultures and back then at least the gay guys were a subculture. We stayed close to some of those guys, but over half our older gay friends died of AIDS, including two who killed themselves when they got HIV.
Straight women visiting gay bars are fine. Bachelorette parties using gay bars as props are not fine
I once got told off for being at a gay bar by an older lesbian couple. They said “our kind didn’t belong there” after they saw me dancing with my (just-out-of-the-closet) male friend and I guess assumed we were straight 🤷.
I understand they get annoyed when straight people just come to their parties because it is fun, because it is supposed to be a safe space and a space where you go to look for other gay people. At the same time, I wanted to be supportive of my friend and continue going to parties together.
Nah, fuck those old bigots.
Nobody gets a pass on that shit. And people likely to say that shit are likely to say it about other groups they don’t belong to as well.
Those people are just as pathetic as homophobes.
Heterophobes
What’s my opinion about women going somewhere where they know they’ll be safe, you mean?
Lesbians and bisexual men rape people too.
At a much lower rate
Yeah… OP reaks of being pissed that some girls have figured out a safe space and he’s too straight to go to a gay bar.
I’m happy these girls have found a safe space, I’m sad they had to find a safe space.
I’m gay. Bachelorette parties “taking over” gay bars and then SA gay men because “you’re gay so you don’t care if I grab your butt” is annoying AF. Objectify gay men in our safe spaces is unacceptable.
My apologies, I made a poor assumption.
That kind of behavior should result in being ejected from any (every) establishment.
You’re exactly right: your safe space must be kept safe.
Where I live there used to be two gay bars. One of them held events for queer people, things like a queer adult prom for people who weren’t able to go as themselves when they were teens. Or drag shows of course because that’s such a fundamental part of the community. These weren’t events only for queer people but they were primarily for queer people. The thing is they became more and more overrun by straight folks, including my parents and a bunch of their straight friends. So one day they changed ownership and stopped being a gay bar. Now my town only has one gay bar.
That shit fucking sucks. Come to a gay bar if you want, but you gotta understand that it’s not for you. It’s for queer people to have a space to be themselves without straight people judging them in some way. We use it to meet people like us, to have fun with people we can feel safe around. If you don’t respect that then stay the fuck away.
Unsure. I’d say “intruders”. If I go to a gay place, it’s not to become a token to a straight person, be they men or women, it’s to get the f away from them. My safe place is not a zoo for straights who can find us cute or exotic, it’s a place where I can finally just be me. Or, they need to make sure that we are welcome in straight bars as well. Else, just GTFO of my safe place.
If they go to a gay bar for safety, then it’s another story.
To sum it up : “Let’s go to the gay bar for fun” = GTFO.
“Let’s go to the gay bar because I’m afraid straight men will harrass/assault/rape me” = “Come in”.
“Let’s go to the gay bar because I’m questionning my sexual orientation and would like to meet gay women” = “Come in”.
What about “let’s go to a gay bar because one or more friends in the group is gay, but not everyone is, and we want to have a great time together AND let our friends be themselves in a safe space”?
I don’t know about others, but I cannot be myself in the company of my straight friends. I’d never go to a gay place with them for fun, making myself an accomplice to their “let’s go to the zoo watch the gays” mindset, I’d go to a gay place to get away from them. Straight people have no idea how tiring it is to mask for them. When I’m around people I need at least 4 hours to myself before I can interact with anybody else.
I get it. But if they are your friends, you shouldn’t be masking too hard. Maybe what you call friends, I call acquaintences. “Let’s go to the zoo and watch gays” is not what I was referring to. I’m talking real allies who accept you, not just politely tolerate.
Either way, I get it. It’s great to have a space of your own. Good clubs often have occasional and even regular open nights where it’s more inclusive, without losing the importance of what the space was always meant to be.
You have every right.
I think: actual straight people don’t exist, only self hating people who cling desperately to an imagined blood tribe.
That being said, don’t proselytize your ways in other people’s places of love that do you no harm. I think of it like a church: you do you, I’ll do these people :)
I think: actual straight people don’t exist, only self hating people who cling desperately to an imagined blood tribe.
Honestly, this is absurd. I’ve been on this Earth for over 50 years, I am a man, and I’ve never felt attracted to a man. I am straight. I exist. I don’t hate myself, I also don’t hate others for their sexuality. Let gay folks be gay, let lesbians be lesbians, let bisexuals be bisexual. I fully support trans folks. I am not against anything LGBT+. But I don’t fit any of those labels. I am a man, and I am only attracted to women. I don’t even understand how/why straight/bi women are attracted to men. I’m glad they are though.
You could offer me a billion dollars to fuck a man, and I just would not be able to do it. No man is making my dick hard. My sexual identity is just as valid as yours. Gay people exist. Bisexual people exist. Straight people exist. You can’t tell me I don’t exist. I am attracted to women exclusively. To be clear, that includes trans women, some of those women are really beautiful. Trans women are women.
Being neither a woman or gay, I have no definitive opinion on this
Then why did you reply?
Main character.
