You must have asked a woman, ime that’s the “big hint” that I’m the idiot for missing. No if you’re a dude you have to pursue them but also not do that at all.
Me too, but I’m told “women don’t want to be the aggressor, they want to be pursued” and then there’s the ridiculous concept of “playing hard to get,” which I’m somehow supposed to be able to navigate.
Never fully understood any of it myself, so I can’t help much. Much easier to just not talk to people, especially as a neurodivergent.
There are no rules, there are no guarantees, there is only respect, that’s the only thing you need to bring to the table. Stop listening to antiquated sexist bullshit and just treat people like people, drop this incel bullshit, approach them the way you would feel comfortable being approached and get rid of any expectations, both for yourself and the other person. It’s really nowhere near as complicated as you’re trying to make it out to be.
Playing hard to get is a red flag, those people are fucked up and ego driven, don’t play games with people and don’t let people play games with you.
Tbf the “antiquated sexist bullshit” is told to me by women themselves, not irl Cotton Hill.
Just the other week a coworker was asking how to get (some guy I’ve never met) to ask her out, I said (as I always do) “Fuck it dude ask him yourself, it’s probable he misses the signals entirely or is worried about being creepy for misreading you just being nice,” to which she replied “no, women want to be pursued, I can’t ask him out.” And it wasn’t the first time I’d heard it, (even replied “yeah I know, but it usually works”). Sooo idk, maybe it’s really just that they’re afraid of rejection but saying that doesn’t sound as cool as wanting to be “pursued,” or maybe it is just nice to feel wanted for everyone and this is just an extension of it, but it is what it is, whatever that is. I’m just believing what they tell me for lack of evidence to the contrary. She’s cool and usually honest though afaik, we’re friends and shit, so, idk.
I’m also told it’s creepy to approach people in public except at a bar, which I no longer frequent. Then I’m told “get a hobby” but also “women don’t want to be approached while they’re trying to play d&d (example hobby),” and I’m also told to go to the gym, but then told that women don’t want another guy being a creep trying to talk to them at they gym (plus it feels disingenuous pretending I work out just to meet women, I’m also plenty active and just in shapeish from that I guess.) It’s probably fine if you’re not diagnosed as “literally does not understand social cues” ADHD and something something executive function (I have the paperwork somewhere. Somewhere…) or if you don’t care if people think you’re creepy. But for me it’s too much to navigate it regularly.
To the playing hard to get people, you’re probably right, but I’ve never got close enough to find out, because if I even ask to begin with, at the first no I say “ok” and never ask again.
I mean, it is tempting to buy a replica Amulet of Mara and go to bars with it proudly on. Anyone that understood the meaning would possibly be within compatibility range.
I mentioned it because I’ve personally chatted up someone wearing one before, so it does totally work at certain nerdy conventions, as does carrying a Horga’hn.
Why would you need a 100% success rate? Meanwhile, not asking has something like a greater than 90% failure rate in the current western dating paradigm.
Don’t try to find out anything more about her. Don’t try to see if maybe she might be interested. Don’t do anything other than ask her out.
Now, sure, it’s going to be hard to get someone to go out with you unless at some point you ask them out. But, if you follow his advice you’re probably going to face a lot more rejection before you get a yes… unless you look like him.
The thing is: If you ask her out (in real life, not through some shitty app) and you are not super creepy or awkward about it you already have an advantage above 90% of the dudes who write weird messages to her… it’s the date when you find out more about her
Note that he says “if you like her”, not “if you think a stranger is hot”
This entirely speaks to a situation where you like someone, know their interests,etc, but you’re nervous about ruining the relationship you do have. AKA my entire high school experience lol
Ok so yes looking like Henry Cavill helps but how do you expect to go on a date with someone you like without asking them out? An amulet of Mara?
I thought you were supposed to sit there and blush every time they look at you (but avoid eye contact) and then (redacted) and you’re married
You must have asked a woman, ime that’s the “big hint” that I’m the idiot for missing. No if you’re a dude you have to pursue them but also not do that at all.
How would you define “pursue”? Because it sounds like a predatory tactic to me.
Me too, but I’m told “women don’t want to be the aggressor, they want to be pursued” and then there’s the ridiculous concept of “playing hard to get,” which I’m somehow supposed to be able to navigate.
Never fully understood any of it myself, so I can’t help much. Much easier to just not talk to people, especially as a neurodivergent.
There are no rules, there are no guarantees, there is only respect, that’s the only thing you need to bring to the table. Stop listening to antiquated sexist bullshit and just treat people like people, drop this incel bullshit, approach them the way you would feel comfortable being approached and get rid of any expectations, both for yourself and the other person. It’s really nowhere near as complicated as you’re trying to make it out to be.
Playing hard to get is a red flag, those people are fucked up and ego driven, don’t play games with people and don’t let people play games with you.
I would feel comfortable with a woman walking up to me and saying, “hi, let’s fuck” so I don’t think your advice is very good.
You’d be surprised.
Tbf the “antiquated sexist bullshit” is told to me by women themselves, not irl Cotton Hill.
Just the other week a coworker was asking how to get (some guy I’ve never met) to ask her out, I said (as I always do) “Fuck it dude ask him yourself, it’s probable he misses the signals entirely or is worried about being creepy for misreading you just being nice,” to which she replied “no, women want to be pursued, I can’t ask him out.” And it wasn’t the first time I’d heard it, (even replied “yeah I know, but it usually works”). Sooo idk, maybe it’s really just that they’re afraid of rejection but saying that doesn’t sound as cool as wanting to be “pursued,” or maybe it is just nice to feel wanted for everyone and this is just an extension of it, but it is what it is, whatever that is. I’m just believing what they tell me for lack of evidence to the contrary. She’s cool and usually honest though afaik, we’re friends and shit, so, idk.
I’m also told it’s creepy to approach people in public except at a bar, which I no longer frequent. Then I’m told “get a hobby” but also “women don’t want to be approached while they’re trying to play d&d (example hobby),” and I’m also told to go to the gym, but then told that women don’t want another guy being a creep trying to talk to them at they gym (plus it feels disingenuous pretending I work out just to meet women, I’m also plenty active and just in shapeish from that I guess.) It’s probably fine if you’re not diagnosed as “literally does not understand social cues” ADHD and something something executive function (I have the paperwork somewhere. Somewhere…) or if you don’t care if people think you’re creepy. But for me it’s too much to navigate it regularly.
To the playing hard to get people, you’re probably right, but I’ve never got close enough to find out, because if I even ask to begin with, at the first no I say “ok” and never ask again.
Fuck it, be a self defeatist, I’m done.
Good!
Amulets of Mara should honestly be a thing for normal people that don’t want to use an app designed for shallow fucking.
is that what the kids call “just the tip” nowadays?
I mean, it is tempting to buy a replica Amulet of Mara and go to bars with it proudly on. Anyone that understood the meaning would possibly be within compatibility range.
I mentioned it because I’ve personally chatted up someone wearing one before, so it does totally work at certain nerdy conventions, as does carrying a Horga’hn.
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The problem isn’t the asking, its the always having them say yes.
Why would you need a 100% success rate? Meanwhile, not asking has something like a greater than 90% failure rate in the current western dating paradigm.
Note that he says: “just ask her out”.
Don’t try to find out anything more about her. Don’t try to see if maybe she might be interested. Don’t do anything other than ask her out.
Now, sure, it’s going to be hard to get someone to go out with you unless at some point you ask them out. But, if you follow his advice you’re probably going to face a lot more rejection before you get a yes… unless you look like him.
The thing is: If you ask her out (in real life, not through some shitty app) and you are not super creepy or awkward about it you already have an advantage above 90% of the dudes who write weird messages to her… it’s the date when you find out more about her
Note that he says “if you like her”, not “if you think a stranger is hot”
This entirely speaks to a situation where you like someone, know their interests,etc, but you’re nervous about ruining the relationship you do have. AKA my entire high school experience lol