I am a white heterosexual cisman and I am constantly haunted by intrusive thoughts related to how I will perform or be perceived in bed.

Whenever I see depictions of gay - especially lesbian - relationships, I imagine the relationship being a lot less toxic, less detrimental to each other’s mental health and - most of all - less prone to performance related anxiety.[1]

Is this just prejudice[2] or is there some truth to it?

  1. I am fully aware of the hardships that homosexual people have to endure throughout their lives. This is an unrelated matter. ↩︎

  2. We all know how media and pornography paint a certain picture of homosexual relationships to serve heterosexual people. ↩︎

  • emotional_soup_88@programming.devOPEnglish
    2·
    11 hours ago

    Do you feel like men and women can’t understand or extend empathy to the other in bed?

    Not consciously, I guess, but the mechanism of anxiety isn’t rational. If it was, I would have put the anxiety and questions like this behind me a long time ago.

    Homosexuals definitely have relationship-related and performance-related anxiety. Women worry about their body not responding (not getting wet) similarly to men worrying about their penis not getting hard.

    Right. Being potent and always ready for sex felt like a requirement specific to men, but I guess women are also subject to unreasonable norms related to performance and sexuality.

    • dazzlingclitgame@lemmy.world
      3·
      11 hours ago

      Women very much worry about all sorts of things related to sexual performance.

      I’m gonna be real with ya - I’m 40 and have been a self-described slut for a long time. I love sex. I love sex with other people (men and women). It’s great.

      I’ve never felt let down or disappointed when I’ve been with a man who, for whatever reason, didn’t stay hard during our time. It happens! There’s so many things going on and it’s easy to let one area of focus slide.

      Most people aren’t going to be too bothered by this because they’ve probably been through something similar.

      • village604@adultswim.fanEnglish
        4·
        9 hours ago

        People really don’t appreciate how many biological processes need to work correctly to even achieve an erection. Even just one being off can make it not happen.

        Shit, even using your leg muscles too much can cause you to lose it.

        • dazzlingclitgame@lemmy.world
          4·
          9 hours ago

          Yep!! And it’s similar for women - we can lose arousal easily if our mind isn’t fully focused on sex.

          Keeping the goal of sex as just having fun and making your partner feel good is important. Climax is nice, but not necessary to have good sex.

          • village604@adultswim.fanEnglish
            3·
            9 hours ago

            Exactly. I’m on antidepressants, plus my testicles don’t work so getting an erection can be a struggle.

            But I sure do love getting the opportunity to use my tongue to get my wife there.