I am a white heterosexual cisman and I am constantly haunted by intrusive thoughts related to how I will perform or be perceived in bed.
Whenever I see depictions of gay - especially lesbian - relationships, I imagine the relationship being a lot less toxic, less detrimental to each other’s mental health and - most of all - less prone to performance related anxiety.[1]
Is this just prejudice[2] or is there some truth to it?
Not directly related to your question, but you should try kegel exercises. There are many benefits for men such as easier to achieve and stronger erections, lower risk of premature ejaculation, and even a larger erect penis size (due to increased blood flow).
I think it might also have prostate health benefits.
Never heard of it, but I’ll check it out. :) thanks!
You basically just flex the muscle you use to stop peeing.
My recommendation is to start with one second on, one second off, then as that gets easy increase the time you flex for. A metronome app can be a huge help there.
I use the android app Tack because it doesn’t have ads and the features behind a paywall aren’t something most people would care to use.
I’d highly recommend doing it alongside ab exercises since it will also cause you to activate the ab muscles around the “cum gutter” area.
No there is performance anxiety even in homosexual relationship
Thank you for sharing!
Do you feel like men and women can’t understand or extend empathy to the other in bed?
Homosexuals definitely have relationship-related and performance-related anxiety. Women worry about their body not responding (not getting wet) similarly to men worrying about their penis not getting hard.
People of the same sex can also be judgmental of their partners. Not everyone experiences the same issues and there can be lack of understanding regardless of their gender.
Do you feel like men and women can’t understand or extend empathy to the other in bed?
Not consciously, I guess, but the mechanism of anxiety isn’t rational. If it was, I would have put the anxiety and questions like this behind me a long time ago.
Homosexuals definitely have relationship-related and performance-related anxiety. Women worry about their body not responding (not getting wet) similarly to men worrying about their penis not getting hard.
Right. Being potent and always ready for sex felt like a requirement specific to men, but I guess women are also subject to unreasonable norms related to performance and sexuality.
Women very much worry about all sorts of things related to sexual performance.
I’m gonna be real with ya - I’m 40 and have been a self-described slut for a long time. I love sex. I love sex with other people (men and women). It’s great.
I’ve never felt let down or disappointed when I’ve been with a man who, for whatever reason, didn’t stay hard during our time. It happens! There’s so many things going on and it’s easy to let one area of focus slide.
Most people aren’t going to be too bothered by this because they’ve probably been through something similar.
People really don’t appreciate how many biological processes need to work correctly to even achieve an erection. Even just one being off can make it not happen.
Shit, even using your leg muscles too much can cause you to lose it.
Yep!! And it’s similar for women - we can lose arousal easily if our mind isn’t fully focused on sex.
Keeping the goal of sex as just having fun and making your partner feel good is important. Climax is nice, but not necessary to have good sex.
Exactly. I’m on antidepressants, plus my testicles don’t work so getting an erection can be a struggle.
But I sure do love getting the opportunity to use my tongue to get my wife there.
Thank you for sharing! Very valuable perspective!
