Hi, please be kind with me. I’m feeling really vulnerable and conflicted about this. I would really appreciate any help or comfort.
I had a bit too much to drink and had unprotected sex with a guy who was sober and came on my back, but it also got on the bed. I was too out of it to remember the exact timing but he said there’s no need to take plan B. I’m not on any birth control.
I’ve taken plan B twice before and read stories of how awful it is. I did feel very depressed and overwhelmed in the weeks after taking it, but that could also be explained by stressors that I was dealing with at the time. I’m worried about the side effects, especially considering this would be my third time taking it.
Should I take plan B? Can anyone who has taken it multiple times please share about the side effects and their experiences with it? Is the pull-out method less risky than I’m thinking it is, or is this not worth the gamble even if I didn’t need Plan B? A pregnancy would be a huge disruption, and I don’t even want to imagine it.
I’m also just feeling so lost, disoriented, and sad. I don’t do well with casual intimacy, yet I find myself getting into these situations. What should I be doing differently? Is it just a matter of drinking less or is there something more underlying that I need to process? I’ve noticed an increase in unprotected sex recently which makes me feel even worse about it all.
Mom here.
Plan B: Yes …and…!
Go to the health dept/gyno and get tested. If you haven’t had an HPV vaccine you’ve also been exposed (and exposing others). HPV can cause cancer, which develops slowly with no symptoms. Make sure you get routine paps. Get on birth control, ASAP.
And yes I’d say you have things to process, being as you’re doing this knowing it will feel bad and scary later. Therapy is expensive and all, but I’d look into why you might do things to yourself that are clearly self-sabotaging.
Feel free to send a DM.
To support what others have said: even precum can get you pregnant.
It’s not that “pull out is a tad unreliable” - it is horrible and the failure quota is ridiculously high. And that’s only pregnancy, not even considering the whole disease fun you’re signing up for. With a bit of bad luck that’s a lifetime of annoying medication, no a few weeks.
This means from my point of fire in order of urgency:
A) First of all: stranger, feel loved 🤗 I find it awesome that you have he courage to ask this question!
B) get plan B. It’ll suck if you’re reacting but that’s only a week or two.
C) Review your sexual habits: if you’re into spontaneous drunk sex figure out a reliable protection that you don’t have to think too much about. If it’s with strangers there’s no way around a condom in addition if you don’t want to take something for your hepathitis or HIV for the rest of your life. If it’s people you know and trust then something “just” against pregnancy is enough. If it’s a mix of both I suggest getting a baseline protection that you don’t have to think about in the heat of the moment and condoms as preventative plan B for the cases where you’re not too sure.
It sounds like a cliche but it’s true: The more the dude resists protection the more you’ll need it. After all it will be you who’ll be alone with the consequences. You’re worth more than a few fun moments for some dick!
Also, semen doesn’t have to be deposited inside the vagina in order to get a woman pregnant. It’s rare, but possible for semen on the labia to allow enough sperm to swim through to fertilize an egg.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your support
There’s also PrEP, PEP, and DoxyPEP for HIV prevention and other STIs. These harm-reduction options help people reduce internalized stigma for sexual habits which, counter to what your conservative aunt will tell you, will help steer you toward safer habits over time. It’s a great time to be alive and sexually active! The days of regretting a poor sexual decision for weeks, months, or years is over.
I’m too disconnected to be knowledgeable enough to recommend or discourage alternatives, just want to note that one has to educate themselves on what is right - your key words will help with that for sure! For example: Just from looking up DoxyPEP: That’s an antibiotic based product and would be useless against HIV. But might be good at reducing the risk of syphilis and other nasty bacterial bullshit.
The other thing where I absolutely agree with you is the issue of the stigma: It must not be a taboo to enjoy oneself, explore own sexuality and be self confident into oneself as a full, human being with whatever sexuality floats ones boat.
That’s why I’m so happy about OP asking even though it’s a shitty situation: I’m sure jt will help some passive reader to realize something about their own sexuality and that’s an awesome thing!
In short: Thank you :)
Edit: sorry for the reply spam I got an error message about posting but it seemed to got through anyway.
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Yep, definitely a good time to take plan B. Also, the responsibility to use protection is on both partners. Being as he was sober he was in a better position to manage this and made an active choice not to. You bear the burden of what happens and dealing with it, but he gets to have fun and run away. Very uncool.
I would consider how well you could really consent and if you want people who don’t care about that to be involved in your life. You, along with everyone else, deserve someone who will not take advantage of the situation to get off at your expense. Also, he should really foot at least half the bill for the plan B, without him it would not be needed and if it becomes a larger and more expensive problem it would be something he was responsible for there too. Any self respecting person should pay for their share.
The pull out method is not reliable, don’t gamble on it. Don’t trust guys who gamble on it.
https://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/pull-out-withdrawal
Please use protection. If you’re not prepared for the possibility of a child, take plan B now, rather than have an abortion later.
Consider contraceptive pill or an IUD, but for all random sex you really should be using a condom to protect against Sexually Transmitted Diseases.
Please practice sex responsibly. If you can’t, you definitely do not have the capacity to deal with the responsibility of a child.
Preferably watch this before the next time you even think about having sex: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rO9pOJbvkEA&list=PL8dPuuaLjXtMweg6Yx9MHP01n_yUyaf9H
Very well said. Thank you so much for sharing
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I would say take it, just to be sure. Two weeks of hormonal disruption is a lot better then 864-960 weeks of hormonal/everything else disruption. There won’t be any damage caused by taking it multiple times; however, there is evidence that consistently taking hormonal birth control does change the structure of the brain. Whether those are detrimental or not, I don’t know. I suggest gutting an IUD so you don’t have to worry as much about these things anymore.
*Also make sure that dummy is using a condom. :<
The Effects of Hormonal Contraceptives on the Brain: A Systematic Review of Neuroimaging Studies
Thank you so much for your empathy and advice
No worries, good luck. <3
You can also get a copper IUD as an emergency contraceptive
After the fact?
Yes, but that is only true for the copper one
Plan B can suck. But you know what sucks more? Being pregnant. It’s a dangerous life altering scenario that needs to be undertaken with extreme care.
The “Pull out method” only works if you have an extremely accurate method to track your cycle and avoid sex around ovulation. This requires an app and a smart ring that tracks your temperature constantly to find the exact time of ovulation. Even this can only find it after it occurred because of the temperature spike. So only recommend as method for people who wouldn’t mind being pregnant.
If this is becoming a pattern of casual sex get on birth control and get lots of condoms. Both are needed to get the full protection against pregnant and condoms are needed for STI prevention. Keep the condoms nearby your bed and require them. Really the men should also insist on condoms but you can’t control them.
Disclaimer: take plan B. Use a fucking condom for Christ sake. HIV is real, you are gambling with two lives, yours and that of potential offspring in the future.
Now just for educational purposes: there are only a few days where you can actually get pregnant during the month. Open up Wikipedia, remember when your period came last and count the days. If its not even close you don’t need plan B. But get to an obgyn and get a set of STD tests done.
full disclosure: I’m a man and a proud father of a girl that came to be because I relied on my wife to count correctly…
Please act responsibly and take better care if yourself. You are loved and you are worth that. Please!
Not every woman’s cycle is completely regular though - counting days is good for better chances of having a child, but it’s unreliable if you don’t want one. So I’d say OP should take plan B anyway.
Ideally she would have measured her temperature daily and observed a spike when she is ovulating. And if her cycle is regular.
Thank you so much for your support. It made me tear up, and I will take your advice to heart
The correct answer to any question of the form, "I’m facing [this risk], so should I take [this safety precaution]? is always “Yes.”
I pop pills all the time
Plan B’s It’s probably safe as long as you don’t make it a habit
Even then, the worst I got was reversible liver damage
I’d say go for it
Also, a less reckless piece of advice:
Is it just a matter of drinking less or is there something more underlying that I need to process?
This is the type of question, that, if you have to ask…
You probably already know the answer.
See if you can get an appointment. Their waiting lists can be months long.
Op if you can swing ~30 pick up a drug test at the drugstore while you’re there. It’s a benzodiazepine, for future reference.
Better safe than sorry. Take plan B. I can’t speak on the side effects, but I at least didn’t observe any when my SO took them.
Also, get tested for STD’s.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
First off, yes, take the pill immediately. The side effects are no worse than having a period and they are not compounding. It’s not ideal to use it as your first line of defense and therefore very often, but you don’t need to worry about taking it a third time (or fourth or fifth time).
Second, get yourself a hard “no sex with a new person while drunk”policy. If you find you can’t stick to that when already drunk, then yes drinking less is necessary. You can’t really properly consent when you’re not sober.
If you’re having sex that you don’t feel good about having, it might be wise to step away from the social situation that has been leading to that happening. Do you have or can you find a social group that does things that don’t involve drinking with strangers? Maybe a hobby or hiking group?
If you are drinking too much in situations where not everyone is drinking, it might be a touch of social anxiety that you are trying to self medicate away. Cognitive behavioral therapy is the best proven method for managing this. It’s not like regular talk therapy, it’s very goal oriented with practical steps to take every day and not much (if any) talking about everything bad that’s ever happened. If you can’t afford to see a therapist there are excellent self guided resources and workbooks available.
I don’t know you or your situation, only what you stated above. I’m sure there is a lot more going on than you’d care to share with anonymous strangers. But looking into both why you are drinking and what is leading to regrettable sex will be your best bet.
Go get that pill, lady.
Thank you so much for your empathy and thoughtfulness
As long as you haven’t taken any emergency contraception in the last few weeks i think, you should be fine. A pharmasist should be able to give you advice on this. Yes there’s a lot of hormones, but it shouldn’t have any permanent effects. Seeing as the alternative would be very disrupting for you, I would suggest taking the pill to be sure. Good luck!
Thank you so much!
When it comes to birth control if your unsure you take it. Precum has sperm and can impregnate. Weeks of side effects are preferable to years of side effects. I mean if you had unprotected sex because you drank to much and you don’t actually want to have unprotected sex. Then yeah drink less or don’t drink at all.
The other comments have the question on pregnancy covered, but no one has yet addressed the root of the problem, your last question. And it’s a difficult one to answer on a forum since we don’t know you except for what you post. So while it may sound both cliché and passing the problem onwards, I’d say get some therapy. Not because there’s anything wrong with you, but you do seem to acknowledge that you’re getting into situations you don’t want to be in, and don’t feel great about it. Just talk therapy could help, let someone guide you to figure out the real issues that are driving you to this. Perhaps there’s specialty therapy for sex-driven behavior - a therapist would know if you need something more than general aid.
Use this as a wakeup call and a motive to change, and get help in figuring out what needs to change, and why you’re in the spot you’re in. You aren’t alone in this, you just need to ask for help.
