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I feel this should be answered with a number of pancakes. So, what do you say?
For me, I have far too many to count at this point, but one that comes to mind was a few seconds after the roller coaster ride when I decided I shouldn’t have had that sub minutes before the ride. I got to see that sub again almost immediately after that.
A hot day with still air, I poured gas on a brush pile and opened the valve on an old propane tank, the brush pile was slightly up hill from a wall and I was between the wall and brush pile in what amounted to a large cloud of mixed gas vapors.
I lit my zippo, I realized I fucked up when I saw the horror on my wife’s face and at that moment I understood how much she needed me and I had better try to live through this.
Like an hour or two before the wedding. There was no turning back by then, or so it seemed, at the time.
Whoops.
I was standing in the lunch line of my K-12 school when a kid I was only vaguely acquainted with quipped, “I want to leave the world the way I entered it, naked and screaming.”
This was during the height of the Yo Mama joke era, so I quipped back, “No one wants to hear what you and your mom do behind closed doors,” and the whole line got quiet.
Turns out his mom died in a car crash earlier that month.
Another one was when I had just moved to a different location for my company as a help desk tech. I got a ticket for someone named David, according to AD. I went into the area where they worked and asked the room, “Is David here today?”
The whole room went quiet. Turns out the week before I moved offices HR had a meeting to announce that David is now Alice.
Alice didn’t give a fuck because I was obviously not dead naming her maliciously. After that we regularly hung out during smoke breaks.
That second one is on HR - should have changed their name in the system.
Yup, I don’t think they ever had her name changed, but she was having trouble getting the state to approve the name change, which I’m assuming is why they hadn’t already done it.
Okay yeah his mom died but that was a pretty good clap back.
It was one of my rare moments of timely wittiness, so I was sad it didn’t land as well as it would have with a different kid.
The moment I agreed to take my ex back. She’d given me an ultimatum, and I took my friend’s mom’s advice that the answer to any ultimatum should default to no. But more than that it was a demand for me to live a very different life than the one I’d realized I wanted. She wasn’t happy with that, and to be honest with myself I wasn’t happy with her, I’d needed her for shelter. She wanted me to be normal and acceptable, and I wanted a life full of passion, excitement, and freedom.
We stayed together for a month after that. I’d agreed to get relationship counseling, but I only wanted it to help break up because I learned I don’t have a spine and I did love her and want what’s best for her. We didn’t last that long. I still hope she’s well even though last I heard she understandably hates me, though barring the apology I’ll never get I have no desire to forgive her for how she treated me in the breakup or in her rising discontent that led to the ultimatum.
A few months later though I met my wife by living the life my ex wanted me to stop. She’d also been through a recent breakup along very similar lines.
When I grabbed the bottle of Ranch dressing off the counter in the break room at work, and shook it. The person before me had left the cap unscrewed, just resting on top.
my wife did that to me. I typically spin the bottle instead of shaking it up and down.
I covered our galley kitchen, front to back, in ranch.
now I check every bottle every time.
This was definitely either a slow motion “NOOOOOOOO!!” moment, or a stand and stare at the mess for a min or so, expressionless, moment.
I thought the mess wasn’t too bad, but then I got to the bathroom and looked in the mirror.
Lashed out at someone who came to me for help then realized she would’ve been the perfect partner.
in a way she was the perfect partner to teach you something important about yourself. without her you likely never would have learned.
you just need to accept you weren’t the perfect partner for her at that point in time, and that’s okay.
My last roommate had an employer whose son died. The employer had a stark change of personality and started checking in on his workers more to make sure they were okay, getting paid enough, receiving the career benefits. It was a small company so not unusual to have dialogue like that.
My roommate invited friends over and they roasted this idiot dead-son guy becoming a total homosexual and pussy for considering that they might need to be compensated more. In 2023. In a location experiencing a rent crisis. One month in I realized I had moved in with a psychopath. Two more months later I was gone. Would have been sooner but I was in a crisis myself and had no options
I woke up in the hospital with an IV drip into my arm and an automatic BP cuff on my arm which blew up every fifteen minutes. Last thing I remembered was being at a party getting black out drunk.
I was in portland and hadn’t smoked weed in a 2 months. Had some friends over and went out to a small punk bar down the street. Drank, had some fries, listen to music, good times etc. Anyway we all have a bit much but I honestly felt pretty alright, not too drunk but some of my friends were. We got back to the apartment and i went out on the porch to smoke a joint after like another 30 minutes of chatting. It took maybe a minute or two and less than a quarter of the joint before I realized how badly I fucked up. I’d been crossed many times before and other than once it hadn’t been an issue. I was certain I was sober enough to handle a joint but I was a fool. I came in, super nonchalant, silently walked my way past everyone and laid down on the bed to try and stabilize the world. Their conversations flitted in and out of existence. Someone came in the room and spoke to me but they were almost as fucked up as I was and I couldn’t understand them or speak. I just wanted them to leave but if I moved or tried to speak I knew it would be over. Some time later my partner came in and I managed to speak the words, “bucket, I need a bucket” before leaning over the side of the bed and gagging. Thankfully very little of it got on the ground because she is very fast and I was puking very slow. It was fucking awful though. I hadn’t felt that bad since I first ripped a dab pen in high school.
Every one of us ended up puking that night lmao. What a surreal experience. We found someone naked on the bathroom floor, the room was filled with steam because they turned on a shower but didn’t get in.
Ope, yeah back in college I loved crossfading, but I had 3 experiences that ensured I never do it again. The first time I got shitfaced, did some bong rips, and got sick enough my friends had to check my eyes, but I was 22 and invincible, so I was miserable for the night and hung over for the following day and decided that apparently I could only overdo one at a time. A year or so later I was drinking heavily not to deal with life because personal tragedy, and so a few glasses of wine in I smoked some with a friend and same situation but two days of hangover. Then a year later, drinking out all night with the same friend at a party, and after I’ve sobered up quite a bit someone passes a joint around and after a single hit I’m vomiting all night with two days of hangover.
I still miss the days of just passing around a joint while sipping a beer, but I’m not willing to risk that anymore.
Was the dope laced or something?
No just strong and I was drunker than I realized
Bong after beer and you’ll feel queer.
Beer before bong and you’ll never be wrong.
But I wanted to feel queer
I was just a medical student. Called the senior resident when Mr. D wouldn’t wake up. Myxedema coma, likely triggered by the small dose of Ativan I ordered for him the night before. It was 36 years ago and I still think about him all the time.
At least you were kinda trying to do the right thing. We had a resident who insisted we hold a man down for a POC glucose fingerstick just because there A1C from a week ago said the EAG was like 400 and we had a court order for psych treatment.
Like sir. I’m not starting the precedent of restraining this man 4x daily to stab his fingers. He’s probably been living at 400 for months (if not years), a week or two more waiting for the antipsychotics to hit isn’t gonna do all that much more damage. Also idt the paperwork was completely in order to apply medical treatments under the psychiatric court order (not that I was super concerned about a homeless psych patient being able to hire a lawyer anyway but–). You you know what’s gonna really convince this man that both diabetes and hypertension really are government conspiracies to torture him? Restraining him 4x a day to stab his fingers over them.
Anyway he didn’t call the senior resident. ALL the nurses told him no so he called his Attending. at 9pm. ON A SATURDAY.
spoiler
she told him no
Thank you for standing up for those without much of a voice to be heard
Holy shit man. I am sorry for your pain. It’s definitely not your fault and insane that you could conceivably be put in a position to do that—and I’m sure no one would let that happen to you today in med school. Not your fault for the patient condition nor the condition that set you up to administer unsafe care.
So I was visiting a friend while he was house sitting, and we were drinking tequila and playing magic the gathering. After a bit I busted out my meme unicorn deck. For the whole match, every time I played a unicorn I yelled “unicorn!” and took a shot of tequila. After one of these, I immediately said “well shit”, marched into the bathroom and promptly threw up. Apparently the abruptness was funny as hell, and I haven’t lived it down since.
There really is little that’s more primal of an “oh no” than the about to vomit while too drunk
Can you still enjoy the taste of tequila? It’s the only one that making myself sick on it didn’t ruin the taste.
I can, I’m just way more moderate with it lol
I had $0.14 in my checking and $0.07 in my savings and my mortgage was three months behind and I didn’t have a job and I didn’t have anybody I could turn to for money. I realized how much I had and how I wasted it all. And knowing that climb to get back was going to be hard.
I recommend using these $0.21 to buy an avocado toast, or at least a piece of one
$0.21 isn’t going to get you a piece of one. However, if you can come up with another 4 cents and you go down to the bodega on 2nd there’s a slice of avocado toast they’ll let you get a nibble off of for 25 cents. They also sell loosie cigarettes.
How’d you get there?
So, did you start selling meth?
One time I was chopping wood with a wedge axe. These were big chunks of wood so it got hard stuck most swings. I’d leave the axe stuck on top and hit it with a sledge hammer to force it through which worked 95% of the time. (This is just how I was taught to do it lol)
Well one particular chunk of wood was lop-sided and I couldn’t get a good hit with the axe, so I held the axe near the head while I swung down hard with the sledge to try and bop it.
It was probably the cold or maybe the gloves but the sledge went juuust a little short and right onto my thumb. It took a second or two for the pain hit to register but mentally I saw it happen in slow motion.
Oh noooooo! Oh I cringed, that sounds so painful
“POLICE! DON’T MOVE!”
Their vision is based on movement.
Then what happened? Did they move, or ignore you?
Ah, the ol’ 5-0 reverso
The old cop swap
the snitch switch
