Like…
Idk why my mom got upset at me for making songs with lines like “This cruel world” or “The darkness of the skies”
I just want some catharisis¹ okay, what’s wrong with that?
(¹Am I even using this word correctly?)
I think my parents are just boring and doesn’t appreciate art lol…
For me it would really depend on the context.
I had an abusive mother and self-harmed, a lot. By my teenage years I was bouncing back and forth between self-harm and realizing I was not insane, my mom was an abuser, and starting to find adults and peers who would listen to me and recognize it. I also discovered I could channel my feelings through writing and art, that catharsis of expressing my feelings in a healthy was rather than just turning them back on myself.
As an adult, is it worth noting when a young person starts expressing themselves like that; absolutely. Shit’s rough, it can get overwhelming, and a lot of young people cut their journey short intentionally or recklessly trying to deal with it. Sometimes it’s just a young person piercing the veil and figuring out the world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and venting their disillusion. Other times it’s hopelessness. As an adult I’d like to think I could figure out which it is; commiserate with a youth about the bullshit but have the wisdom to know when to know when to intervene.
- You’re using catharsis correctly.
- Parents just don’t understand.
It seems like a copout but this is a cycle that has happened many many times. Your brain is developing and you’re exploring deeper concepts that reflect your new understanding of the world and it’s darknesses. Just a few years ago you were a much simpler animal to understand, and your parents probably took some pride in their ability to manage your emotions and keep you happy. Now you’re moody and pulling away, and they, like many parents before them, are getting worried. When you were younger they were your whole world, so they take it a little personally when they hear you talking about cruelty and darkness. It can make them feel like they’re not in control and that they can’t help. So they get worried in ways that they weren’t expecting and over react. Hopefully they can reflect on it and learn that your world isn’t focused on them anymore, but not all parents can make this leap of introspection.
Ultimately you’re not wrong, and they’re not wrong. It’s just a part of growing up.
I don’t get how so many parents forget being teenagers.
I think some people literally skip this phase of teenage, or they just skim the surface … and because many humans lack empathy, they assume anyone who says otherwise is being over dramatic or is mentally unstable
Not at all.
I’d try to find a way to explore those feelings with them. Maybe share some things I’ve seen or experienced that make me feel that way.
And then end with something that brings us both joy together.
The lesson should be that negative feelings are real and valid even when they’re overwhelming, and that there is a path through them while still accepting them as real and a part of you. And that there’s still joy to be found on the other side.
Strength doesn’t mean you don’t feel pain. It means you accept it and still define your life as you choose to.
So, yeah… Your catharsis is valid as fuck, my man.
I’d say the kid was paying attention to what’s happening around the world.
I’m wary of happy people, they’re either not paying attention to the world, or they don’t care. Being content is ok if you’re not being bombed, have food to eat, bed to sleep in etc but happy means you’re possibly a narcissist.
Being content is ok if you’re not being bombed, have food to eat, bed to sleep in etc but happy means you’re possibly a narcissist.
Okay I’m gonna devil’s advocate for my parents: Does growing up in CCP-land and growing up with the idea of “you can’t do anything about politics” engrained in you make you a narcissist?
I mean the alt-timeline would be that my parents became student protesters and um…
oh…
yeah…
In that case I’d never been born either… lol
That sounded like a strange take to me. Frankly, I don’t think of narcissists as being happy.
Those two lines made them upset?!
That’s nothing compared to regular teen angst content.
I was told to “stop being negative” and “think happy thoughts” and my depression problems will go away!
Wow Dr. Mom with the Psychology PhD in WeChat Social Media University! I’m so cured! 😭
(not a teen anymore, just a dependent young adult with depression, still with a teen brain that never really “grew up” lol)
The more I hear from you the more it seems your mom is completely oblivious to your world and your thoughts. I’m glad you are talking to us, and I hope you also have friends who can give you even better advice (and maybe a therapist when you can get there).
Just know you’re doing a truckload of things rn so if you manage to make it, that’s incredible, and if you shut down and need to take your time, that’s completely understandable even if your mom doesn’t get it.
My dms are always open if you need to talk to someone ^^
Looking back on my childhood, I see that my Mom had anxiety issues and there were a lot of cases where she was white knuckling to get things done while having a panic attack. She had developed some maladaptive behaviors to deal with this, in part because mental health wasn’t a thing back when she grew up.
It sounds like your mom had her own maladaptive traits.
She had developed some maladaptive behaviors to deal with this, in part because mental health wasn’t a thing back when she grew up.
It sounds like your mom had her own maladaptive traits.
Growing up in the 1960s/70s China that was wrecked by Imperial Japan just a few decades before they were born and with food-insecurity tends to do that… 😞
as someone who’s been …in trouble… for things I have written, let me share my thoughts.
from my end, I treated “my” words as expressions and, while derived from, they were not rooted to reality.
(aka not everything said is how I “feel”) it seemed to be an idea to me at the time to sort of explore these ideas so more were naturally made and delved deeper into $sensitive_subject, where once folks happened to read them (I had accidentally left some on a printer at end of a work day - doh)having said all that, parents do things out of love and protection so their response isn’t mean or cold. it’s sort of expected with love in the mix.
i never really found a audience for my expressions of that era but that’s not necessary for just expressing yourself without many repercussions. I’d say find your zone and poke at it. I’m on the side of art that says it’s all ok. when we ban things we don’t like well it’s obviously a slope of slippery configuration.
Getting upset with your child for expressing negative emotions is deeply unhelpful no matter what’s going on.
Ah, I see you’re back for your periodic dose of Your-Mom-Is-Full-Of-Shit.
Reminds me of my own mom. When I was younger and started writing my own stuff, she’d similarly complain that what I wrote was too negative. So I demanded she supply me with a topic she’d approve of, and she came back with - and I’m seriously not making this up - “Making children happy at Christmas!”
Yeah, I never wrote that song.
You do you bro. Write whatever dark shit is in you to write. I don’t have to tell you why it’s a good thing - you already innately know why. Don’t show it to your mom because she doesn’t get it and stop pretending she will.
I’m the kind of acidic fuck who’d say something like, “Mom, you know why I’m so negative? Because it was your job to raise me as a positive kid and you failed. And it’s a failure you’ll never be able to atone for.”
Just got a call from the school a few weeks ago about something my daughter was overheard saying at school. I thanked them for reaching out, but she’s just in a dark humor phase right now, and she often says wacky shit as a joke.
For most parents, your child is your heart, if something happens to your child you feel like your heart would just stop. So as a parent you are often vigilant to sensitivities, and they don’t even want to consider their child could consider it (Its the worst thought ever). So if they see that i think that might come out expressed in a range of other emotions such as anger or negativity.
Your poetry is great, and TBH its often a format to express dark topics. Don’t stress, and give your mom a hug.
If this happened suddenly, I would gently monitor but not panic and jump to the worst conclusion. I have a good relationship with my kids. They have different ways of expressing feelings like this and I’m familiar with them because I know them as the people they are. I’m protective of them, of course, but I also try to give them some room.
Hahaha my goodness…I listened to Death Metal and my lyrics were definitely not a cry for help…but definitely horrible and super duper cringe.
As with many things, it’s important to ask what things mean to others.
In addition, if you trust the other person, you can also open up about your concerns.
Sometimes, others can give you reassurance. And sometimes they can’t. Both possibilities are something we need to be open to.
It’s important to accept whatever is brought to the table and, based on that, choose what kind of person you’d like to be.
My first thought would not be suicidal ideations.
I would certainly explore with him why he is using those lyrics to see how things are in his life.
I am very happy to know, really know for sure, that mine have no suicidal tendencies.
