I’m probably just an asshole nobody wants to talk to, but I can hardly even get a reply text from anyone anymore. A couple people have told me that they are just feeling burnt out/depressed/etc and don’t have even enough energy to answer a message anymore. But I’ve also had some long time friends just entirely ghost me in the last year as well with no explanation. It feels like I’m surrounded by NPCs. I’ve basically just stopped reaching out to anyone at this point. Outside of my work, literally the only people I talk to are my parents, sister, and my girlfriend. Everyone else seems dead inside. I used to have at least 10 people who I could call on a moments notice and all of those people are gone.
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People are being ground up by capitalism and it’s easier to just look at tiktok or play Baldur’s gate than actually engage with a messy person.
I try to stay in touch with people but it’s hard. I’m also kind of an insufferable asshole, and I think some people leave because they’re tired of “capitalism sucks” coming up
what i find ironic is the ‘capitalism sucks’ crowd are almost always the ones who are benefiting from it. they just aren’t benefiting as much as they think.
like all the tech workers with $500K in companyn stock and 150K salaries are the one sin my city who rant on about how capitailsm is bad and socialism/anarchy is good. or the trust fund babies. and they love to go on and on about how they should be making more and how unfair their life is, despite owning property, going on luxury vacations, and otherwise living very well.
i can’t really take such people seriously. most low wage workers i meet don’t have time to agonize about economic systems and which one is most ideal. they are more worried about keeping their job and how to deal with rent going up. they are more interested in going on about sports.
the irony being if you tell the people who whine that their house they bought has to go down in value to improve society, they lose their shit at you.
you can’t get rich from capitalism and then demand it be less capitalistic and then demand your asset/wealth keep going up. that’s now how reality works.
just like many businesses in my city whine about not getting enough business, but also are against more people living here or more growth/densitiy… which would increase their business.
It’s a bird!
It’s a plane!
It’s Strawman!
strawmen exist in the real world yes. it drives most people’s argumentation, yes.
saying i have making a strawman arguement doesn’t make the people who vote and talk this way go away. hypocritical people who say one thing, and then vote for the exact opposite policies in their communities, are very common. it’s called grandstanding.
Not sure why you’re being shit on so hard in the comments. Speaking as someone who’s pretty guilty of soft ghosting people, including longtime friends. I don’t really mean to do it. I lie to myself and say I’ll reply later. Reason why I’m not replying at the time usually being lack of energy. My worldview is so bleak and warped from what it used to be that it’s unrecognizable. Sometimes I feel like why bother replying, I’ve got nothing new and if they ask how I’m doing it’ll just bring them down with the same old shit. My texting is mostly mechanical. Order ready for pickup, meeting location/time, etc. And I’m getting tired of tacking on positive lies to keep the vibe acceptable. “…but I’m making things work”, “…but I’m doing alright”, “…but things will get better soon I’m sure.”
Same. I’ve always been bad at replying to people in general, and it’s worse with friends that I have to hype myself up to talk to just so I can match their energy. Not their fault, of course, but as you said, you don’t want to bring your friends down.
OP, I say keep trying. Everyone needs friends and the more, the better. Just keep the judgement low and try to be understanding of where people can be at in their life journey. I promise that they will appreciate you for reaching out.
As a side note, I’ve gone years without speaking to some friends and when I’ve dug myself out of a hole or they’ve crawled out of the woodwork, we’ve reconnected. And because we were understanding and accepting of what each other has gone through, our relationship is stronger.
people generally shit on anything they don’t immediately agree with.
It feels like I’m surrounded by NPCs.
I mean, that’s a big red flag even using that term…
the only people I talk to are my parents, sister, and my girlfriend
Get their honest feedback, and don’t get shitty if their feedback isn’t positive.
But if you think this is the reason:
I’m probably just an asshole nobody wants to talk to
Then work on being nicer, it’s not going to hurt.
After a while, try reaching out to some old friends, if you’ve done something shitty, that would be a good time to apologize. But you gotta put the work in before reaching out or you’ll get the same result.
when people repeat the same shit over and over, show zero intelligence or thought or originally… yeah hard to conceive of them as NPCs. even more so when they show zero empathy for their fellow human beings.
for a person to be human to be they need to show individuality, like the ability to process new information and develop thoughts about it… but this ability is increasingly going away. many many people have ‘outsourced’ their thinking to social media or self help gurus.
for a person to be human
They have to be alive, that’s it bro…
Using that term is a red flag, because it means the speaker is fine dehumanizing people, for something as fucking stupid as not “showing individuality” that is superficial enough a random stranger notices and is fucking entertained.
Only a complete and utter piece of shit is so blase about dehumanizing people in 2025.
If the only time you send me a message is when you need something from me, you’re just an NPC to me and I don’t feel bad about calling them that
Dude you’re talking to is onto something. These people don’t even do anything anymore. I don’t see them at local shows anymore, or hiking at the mountain. They’re not online on steam or discord anymore. They’re probably laying around scrolling TikTok like some NPC
I think my “dead inside” descriptor in the OP is probably better than NPC though, regardless they are husks of their former selves
don’t agree man. by that definition my dog is more human. she shows more life than most people i meet.
i’m not talking about strangers. i’m talking about people i’m interacting with face to face, having a conversation with. if i go out to a bar wtih you and you just endless repeat cliche phrases at me instead of engaging in a meaningful way, yeah i’m not going to regard you as a human being. because you’re not acting like one. You’re acting like a robot/npc.
many people are content to never think, that’s fine, but i don’t need to regard those people as human or desire ot socialize with them. i like socializing with people who use their brains actively, just like i also prefer to socialize with people who are physically active vs those who sit on the couch all day.
Misantropists be like: “Why does every human hate me for my views?”
i’m talking about people i’m interacting with face to face, having a conversation with.
Fucking obviously…
Wonder how much longer till you realize a 5 minute conservation with someone who’s only interacting with you as part of their job, isn’t enough to truly know the depths of their personality?
What is so special about you that requires everyone’s effort to cultivate superficial differences?
Even from this short exchange, I can assure you if it was face to face I would be monotone and put zero effort into the conversation. Not because I’m a fucking NPC, but because I want to stop interacting with you immediately, but for one reason or another can’t tell you to just fuck off.
Does it make sense now?
Do you understand what the common factor is when you and people like you constantly complain about “NPCs”?
Do you get that it’s just people obligated to interact with you and desperate for it to be over?
yeah well if you put zero effort in, why should i give you any effort?
taking the LCD approach means you are NPC. you dont’ want to put effort into your interactions so be it. I do.
my baristas and such thank me for being so kind and treating them like people instead of NPCs. it’s nice. try it sometime.
Not everyone is an NPC. but the difference is the effort they make. people who make an effort ot treat me like a person and show they are a person aren’t NPCs. if you are unwilling to do that on principal, because you think others are not deserving of yourself, well yeah, of course you are NPC.
and yes, many people i meet FREAK OUT because I put effort into conversations. they regard me as ‘too intense’ because i actually ask them questions and ask them to think. I’ve had so many girlfriends break up with me because 'it is too much work to be around you, i don’t want to think about things I just want to not think or make any effort."
some people actively embrace being NPCs, which is fine. their life goal is to be lifeless, boring, and safe as possible. to minimize thought and individuality and oftentimes attack anyone who demonstrates it. but I am not interested in socializing with them.
Their feedback was that I must just surround myself with shitty people. I’ve always been a people-pleaser and I’m starting to think that these relationships were lopsided to begin with.
I probably won’t reach out to any of these people again, because at this point they hurt my feelings and I feel betrayed. Ball’s in their court.
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Make post saying no one will talk to them
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Refuse to talk to anyone.
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Magically become popular without changing anything about yourself
Hey, if they reach out, I’m right here. But I can only take so much rejection
If you aren’t interested in doing the work, why should they be?
It’s always felt like I’ve been the one to message first and check in on people
You’re getting a lot of shit in the comments from people that I think is undeserved, at least based on what you have said so far.
I feel this feeling, too. I have always been one to reach out and organize and I have become tired of feeling like the only person that does that. Provided you aren’t actively doing anything wrong, I really feel like these other commenters are missing something.
When people like me, who want to organize, start feeling like no one wants it: what happens?
stop doing it then. you’ll feel better.
i did and my life is happier. it’s ok to be selfish and not be a ‘facilitator’ for other people. putting energy into relationships that leave you feeling drained is a no-win situation. and many people are happy to suck the life out of you.
my friends that remain… well when i interact with them i don’t feel that way. i feel like i get back what i put in. but yes i have way fewer social interactions.
same with romance. i used to put out a lot and get little in return… now i’d rather be alone and put my energy into myself. it’s way more rewarding
Get a reply
answer a message
It sounds like they’re already doing the work.
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yes.
for me it’s mostly that many people became political extremists and they basically tolerate zero disagreement. These people basically totally dismiss your humanity and the humanity of anyone who they don’t 100% agree with. They also massively overgeneralize other people/groups and take super offense at people doing the same to them.
I have no issue with my more moderate friends who are able to tolerate people of different viewpoints without entirely dismissing their humanity. They generally also are more open people, they are less offended, less selfish, and less self absorbed and actually listen to me.
Ya my closest cousin (43 year old man child) blocked me recently because I was sending him Charlie kirk memes lol. Dude sends me anti LGBT stuff but I crossed the line apparently hahaha
all i can say is i have bene ‘progressive’ my entire life. but the past few years i am no longer ‘progressive’ because i’m not calling for the murder of people i disagree with, apparently not thinking kirk deserved to die makes me a trump voter or something…
i don’t get that kind of crazy extremism. kirk can be a shithead and also not deserve to be killed.
I would have shot him myself if I had nothing to lose lol. Waste of skin, deserved execution
I’m in Canada which makes his outrage even weirder to me
based
do you think it’s justified for someone to shoot you if you disagree with them then?
I think if I pass a certain threshold of evil I should be killed yeah. That dude caused needless suffering for millions and easily meets the execution criteria
who defines that evil? because i’m sure your life as it currently is is evil to many folks. no doubt aspects of your life are causing suffering for others.
it’s not about you seeing yourself as evil man. nobody sees themselves as evil.
Charlie knew he was evil lol I don’t even think he honestly believed the shit he was spouting
burnout and depression are fucking real. i barely have the energy to hang out with my boyfriend some nights, let alone other people. though tbh if I knew someone’s taking my absence as an insult, I’d probably stop trying, and if they were referring to me as an NPC, I wouldn’t even feel bad about it.
also, just saw that you’re 31. I’m betting a lot of your friends’ careers are starting to really ramp up, and if they have kids, that’s where their energy is going
I’m assuming your age but I think its normal when people hit early adulthood to start drifting a direction and possibly start losing contact. At least for a few people, not everyone.
That being said, there’s a lot of unnatural disconnect lately due to stress and such and I think people tend to ‘replace’ them with parasocial or low effort social media relationships instead. Basically if you’re overwhelmed you can get some socializing in on Facebook or Instagram or the Ask Lemmy section of the fediverse and it feels like communicating but its actually leaves you wanting more but with less energy than before.
There’s also a possibility they’re dealing with something they haven’t been able (or wanting) to talk about.
The things that have worked for me are low bar meetups. That is, not a lot of time or effort to join. Like hey I’m jumping on XYZ game tonight, who’s down. Or there’s a new coffee shop near your house, want to check it out, etc.
A couple people have told me that they are just feeling burnt out/depressed/etc
That’s legit. A lot of people are. And when they are, they pull back, which leads to them getting even more depressed. It’s a pretty terrible cycle.
And it really is happening everywhere. There have been a lot of jokes (and rightly so) about the “male loneliness epidemic,” but while it isn’t male-exclusive and it isn’t sexual, there is indeed a loneliness epidemic. Some of it happens because online/social media/parasocial relationships feel like they fill that gap without actually doing so. But it becomes an epidemic because the diminished socialization with one person causes them to socialize less with their own friends, and it spreads like a contagion from there.
I’ve basically just stopped reaching out to anyone at this point.
I’ve talked about this with other people a lot, too, as I’ve gone through my 30s (I turned 40 this year): it really honestly always feels like “I’m the only one reaching out.” Like, it tends to feel that way to everyone I talk to, even the people to whom I feel like I’m the only one reaching out myself.
I think that’s partially for the same reason that teachers say they’re the ones doing all the work to grade students’ homework: teachers have to grade 30 assignments per class, whereas from the students’ perspective it’s “only one assignment, how hard can it be?” Meanwhile, the students themselves have multiple assignments from multiple classes to handle. In the context of this conversation, realize that while the individual touchpoints with a specific person feels like “just one friendship,” they’re trying to maintain several relationships, too. So you get the divided attention of all of your friends, because they’re dividing their attention across of all of their friends, just like you are. So you all feel like you’re shouting into the void, and you all pull back.
But it’s also partially because, in any friend group, the “squeaky wheel gets the grease.” You don’t tend to see a whole lot of outpouring of affection and care over people except when they’re in a dire situation. So if you seem outwardly fine, you might not get much in the way of proactive outreach.
Both of those factors get amplified significantly in the presence of (1) ADHD (I can literally just forget about contacting my friends for weeks) and (2) introversion (if you’re friends with a lot of introverts, they may find that just having your number in their phone feels like a strong friendship and feel no real need to reach out).
This imbalance shows up in a lot of peoples’ friendships. Sometimes it just means that one person is the “planner” of the group and just has to bring everyone else together. That’s an asymmetric friendship in a way, but if that person’s ok with it, then it’s fine. It doesn’t mean that they’re any less loved. That takes communication, and sometimes you just need to start up that conversation.
But it can also mean that you need to find new friends because you no longer fit with your old ones. And that’s also ok! As you grow up and discover what you need, you realize what you’re looking for.
Outside of my work, literally the only people I talk to are my parents, sister, and my girlfriend.
I would recommend joining a club or society or something. Not like a guild, but something that forces a little bit of conversation as a factor of its existence. RPG groups are great for this. If you have a background with a religious group and you’re still on good terms with it, maybe show up to some services. Service groups also can be great for this. You can even tag along with your sister or your girlfriend to one of her groups. Just try to find a way to get that socialization on the calendar so that it happens regularly and you can count on it.
Another option, though this is situational, can be to start a group thread. There’s less weight and difficulty around replying in a group thread, and it can be a place to just send memes or thoughts or pictures of a cool leaf you saw. Be honest and upfront that you want to socialize with people more, and that can end up being helpful. The reason this is situational is that it can help a distantly connected friend group feel more immediate, but it can’t really create a friend group that doesn’t already exist.
I used to have at least 10 people who I could call on a moments notice and all of those people are gone.
If those were people you only talked to at a moment’s notice, that might be the problem. It’s the scheduled, regular interaction that you both need in order to maintain the friendship.
Adult friendships are hard. And it’s a pretty safe bet that the answer to almost any friendship question you have that starts with “am I the only one who…” is almost certainly “no.”
relatable.
i used to be more social but cut back a lot. i’m happier for it. Why? because all the socialize I was doing was overwhelmingly negative. People just endlessly complaining, whining, and refusing to do anything constructive about it. I prefer my socializing to be constructive, so I mostly do it now around volunteer work.
I really do better with a handful of quality relationships than I do with generalized socialization, so I focus on that. it’s also why i’m happier single… because every romantic relationship i had was just endless agonizing about nothing and my partners absolutely refused to do constructive things to improve their lives and saw my own improvement as a ‘threat’ and actively tried to a sabotage it.
what i don’t get is why so many people’s friendships/relationships are built on an anti-growth sentiment.
Personally the job search is taking all my energy and yeah im always too exhausted to do anything special. I’m not looking forward to Thanksgiving this year, I just want to apply to jobs and then be alone feeling sorry for myself when recruiters ghost me. Sorry if you’re my friend, I’ll be in a better mood to socialize when I don’t stay up every night wondering if i’m going to be homeless next month. I’m guessing many people are probably in survival mode too right now.
Context needed: how old are you?
It’s extremely common to lose and gain a huge number of friends in your 20s/30s as you (and they) figure out who you actually are, move around, get busier with actual responsibilities, etc.
I am 31
Bingo. I’m 40. This dissolving social life issue is exactly what I went through after I turned 30.
It’s two things. One, from this point on your social life needs to be actively managed and maintained. When you’re younger, life’s circumstances do that for you. From here on out, it’s all has to be the result of your own effort.
And two, to do that you will need to work on yourself. The rails your life is on when you’re younger often mask and excaccerbate personal issues which, absent those rails, come out to others as toxicity you may be blind to. I say this without irony, find a good therapist and dig into your problems. Learn more about yourself and your past. Find a physical activity you enjoy and exercise daily. Improve your diet. If you have the means, go to all your medical appointments regularly.
It’s scary because it all has to be actively managed from here on out. But once you get a hold of it again (After getting ahold of yourself) it’s that much more actualizing as it’s an intentional social life of your own creation. Perhaps a smaller sphere than before, but just as meaningful if not more. It will take time, maybe a year or two. But you’ve got an upward trajectory in front of you.
are your friends marrying/having kids?
No, none of them are to be honest, and I don’t think any of them have girlfriends either. Think lemmy type people. Lol
I have changed jobs a couple times and honestly just lost interest in interacting with most people outside of my family. I am in the process of renovating a house by myself and don’t have the energy to go out and socialize with other so I just stay home.
Your former friends made new friends without telling you.
So you need to make new friends too.
