cross-posted from: https://piefed.world/post/722385
Unfortunately it’s kinda true. People, in general, are far too willing to file themselves into boxes.
Back in the day when I still cared about meeting women I was always surprised at how my fashion aesthetic would attract the same type over and over again.
If you look at relationships like this, like there is some fixed set of people you are compatible with and that number exists outside of whatever personal adaptability or compromise you’re willing to make, then the number is probably actually a lot higher for a population of 8 billion people. Few people have any clue how large of a number that is.
Then if you DO factor in that a relationship is two-way, and you change, and your partner change over time to better adapt to each other and assuming you both want the best outcome, then that adds a variable that makes that number jump WAY up.
Depending on how much you’re willing to change or adapt, you can almost make that number anything you want. Of course, this isn’t the way to have a healthy relationship, your difficult choice is always deciding how much you’re going to change for someone, how much of your mental and emotional energy for change they are worth, and what your worth is as you are right now.
If your answer to that last question is “none” then that magic number drops to almost zero. Having no self-worth (or specifically, things about yourself that you’re not willing to change because of your values and ethics and desires for your future) radically reduces the number of people you might have success with. It seems counter-intuitive, but your adaptability, or passiveness in a relationship can do as much harm as being a stubborn ass.
Of course, looking at relationships this way of odds and numbers and ratios is utter horseshit, but ya’ll kids fantasizing about anime waifus and werewolf boyfriends and crying yourself to sleep because you can’t figure out the “magic trick” to being liked, just loooove to look at your lives in the lens of numbers and rules and systems.
Meanwhile, in reality, it’s more like the gambler’s fallacy. If the ball landed on red 40 times in a row, it says nothing about what color it will land on next. The person you will spend the rest of your life with happily may bump into you at the dollar store tomorrow and you both just feel so good about each other that you both make whatever changes and efforts needed to make it work. Life doesn’t actually follow any systems or rules of odds.
Not sure if I’m lucky to never having a girlfriend or if I missed out on a lot. Soon being 30.
It is told that if you hit 30 being a virgin you will transform into a wizard. If you study computer science that is at least
There’s this weird inversion that happens somewhere in your mid 30s where it becomes way easier to get laid as a dude.
Hard to say. Having only experienced having a girlfriend this year in my mid 30s, the breakup turned all the memories to pain. I think I’d have overall been happier without them at all. Especially since the relationship had come at a time when I finally felt securely past my traumas and had learned to love myself as I was. Now I have to try to do that all over again with freshly resurfaced and reinforced trauma.
It never gets easier imo. The more you love the other person the harder it hits. Just know that all relationships end on a long enough time scale. The amount of pain you feel can be evidence of the amount love you felt in the relationship. I hope you keep loving despite the inevitable pain that comes with it.
A relationship ending because we grew old together or something is fine to me, at least theoretically. It’s the rejection that hurts. The knowledge that everything up to that point meant nothing to her in the end
Neither
That depends on your values and interests
I value sex and are interested in having it.
Calm down Borat
/
Do you also value companionship?
Dead bedroom syndrome is real and not uncommon. Keep that in mind.
The latter.
Why would I lie?
If you account for inflation, it’s one in a quadrillion now.
