I’ll go first. My ex cheated on me with a dude, (I’m les, she’s bi,) brought home chlamydia and bed bugs, then after 13 years of no contact, texts me randomly to try and pull me into an MLM pyramid scheme.
Lazy ass hobosexeual played the part of a caring partner for 2 years. He was in someone else’s bed whenever I wasn’t home at night, I worked the night shift so that was pretty much every night. I was constantly exhausted after working 12-14 hour shifts all the time, so I asked him to get a job or do anything to bring money in. He didn’t want to so he found some lady who made more than me to take his lazy ass in. I (sadly) begged him to stay and kept in touch.
One day, he came over to help me fix my brakes and tried to kiss me. I turned my check because fuck that noise. He had the BIGGEST crocodile tears I’ve ever seen in someone over the age of 5. Told me that he still loved me, just wanted to feel like I wanted him there (me begging wasn’t enough I guess), said he didn’t love her, she had “gross fake tits”, said he only cared about her money and her boat he was living on, said he had to sleep in his car when HE left because he had nowhere to go, blah blah blah. I told him to leave and then I found her on Facebook. I told her everything he had just told me. That dumbass still went on to marry his lazy ass and he still doesn’t work.
That’s ok though, my current partner of 10+ years is a massive improvement. He’s not an alcoholic and he has a job, so I won that one 😁
Also. Fuck you Levi.
Hobosexual?! Sounds classist if you ask me.
Is this a joke, or are you just insufferable?
Insufferable on Lemmy?
I’m shocked. Shocked!
A woman I lived with for nearly 10 years fell under her fundamentalist family’s influence, and went off the deep end. We split up, and a few months later I get a call.
Now, first I have to tell you, the closest thing to a swear word they allowed themselves was “man.” So she calls me (she and her pre-existing kids were living there by now) and tells me that she and I were “married in gawd’s sight” which meant I needed to start sending her money. Well, you can imagine my response. And when she shouted behind her “he ain’t going to do it,” I heard her father scream “MAN!” Made my day, it did.
“I’ll pray you all the money you want”?
I mean, if we’re just going by god’s sight…
Amen
A-MAN!
My wife’s ex… She wanted a dog, he didn’t. They compromised and got a dog. She broke it off shortly afterwards, because she realized he was a full blown mask-off white supremacist. She got the dog in the split, because she was the one who wanted him in the first place.
We got married like a decade later, and the dog died shortly afterwards. She had him blocked on everything, but sent a “hey just wanted to let you know the dog died” message through a mutual friend who still talked to him. He tried to use “grief processing” as an excuse to meet up for lunch. He was still a blatant white supremacist, but hadn’t seen any of our wedding photos because she had him blocked on everything. I’m not white. I offered to tag along to their meeting, just to see his the look on his face when I walked through the door and introduced myself as her husband.
Why even send the text at that point though?
Yeah that dog you didn’t want, and hadn’t seen in 10 years. It’s dead. Want to get coffee?
The only assumption is you wanna reconnect.
I offered to tag along to their meeting, just to see his the look on his face when I walked through the door and introduced myself as her husband.
Oh man, that would have been priceless. The one-liners you could have used are endless:
- “Wait, this is the guy who thinks he’s the ‘master race’? Seriously?!”
- “Did you find out if he has to shop for his white robes in the children’s section?”
One day she randomly decided to visit my home when I was living with my dad. She was like my very first real girlfriend and real ex. But she was also one of those people who couldn’t decide for herself as to whether she was done with anyone or not completely. But I was open to chances at the time.
Anyways, she randomly came to my home, with her dad parked on the other side of the driveway. There was no violence or anything, I think we were a bit of time removed from our breakup so we allowed things to let time and whatnot decide itself. My dad was gone for however long and I knew he didn’t like the idea of any visitors coming over and didn’t seem keen on me having relationships (for some reason).
So we are talking, I’m trying to understand her and why she came over. Over the period of an half hour though, we’d be upstairs and I noticed she has tried multiple times into seducing me into fucking her. Rubbing her ass against my thigh, allowing me to grope her and everything. For all I knew, she was just tempting me to come back to her and we can restart whatever flinging and whatnot our relationship had going. After all of that, I had to remind her that my dad was out and could come back any moment, additionally I was thinking about her father too as to what the hell he’s probably thinking being here in this random ass encounter. Not like I knew him well.
She took the hint and finally decided to leave, before leaving me with something to think about and to talk sometime. Quite frankly, I still feel like this was a bullet dodged because I think she was trying to seduce me to fuck her in my home, to get some blackmail on me. Because we never got back together after this, we never had anything close to this again either. On the other hand, if I had a vasectomy and know I’d never get anyone pregnant, I probably would’ve caved into having sex with her. But then again I knew her well enough that even if that was the case, she’d probably scream rape.
My mentally ill ex husband, who kept a heroin and serial cheating habit quiet for over a year before I put the pieces together and kicked him out, created a website to make it look like he’d started a successful company and sent it to my friends and family members asking them to forward it to me since I had successfully blocked any form of direct contact with me.
It was pretty sad. You could tell that it was hastily thrown together, probably while he was high/manic. It also resulted in a large chunk of the people he initially sent it to blocking him as well, which likely increased his isolation etc.
Word to the wise, friends, you cannot save people from themselves, no matter how much you want to or how hard you try. Not everyone with mental illness and/or addiction issues will treat you badly, but, if they are not actively pursuing help on their own, there’s not much to be done. Life is short, don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Divorced over a decade, no contact since. My ex and I were in a stupid cult when we married, and apparently he still is. They don’t allow remarriage unless one partner has “committed adultery.” He wrote saying he sees online that I’m living with another dude, but can I confirm whether or not I’ve had sex?
I ignored it.
“No I haven’t had sex yet but I’ll let you know the moment that I do” followed by blocking them
I don’t blame you for ignoring it, but I read that as a request for confirmation whether they could remarry or not. I think I may have replied with the briefest confirmation possible and then refused any other contact.
He can remarry. We’re divorced. Its between him and the cult of they want to punish him for it. I refuse to give them any power.
“Sorry, but after our relationship I became celibate and it’s been great. Good luck! Please don’t contact me again.”
This is funnier and takes even less effort though.
I actually feel bad for the dude, though.
Not sure how awful you would want to be in that situation, but with a lot more effort it could be even funnier without any words but a lewd picture instead, if your partner is up for it.
Not an ex, but a ONS I had, got very upset it was just and ONS. She kept messaging me for days than nothing… 1 month later she sends me a vid how she is getting fucked and the message “look what you are missing out on”.
😂 Oh my god. If my ex sent me a video of her getting fucked, you best believe I’m forwarding to anyone she knows.
Well, if I’m being completely honest here, I’m the fucked up ex.
My dude, saying that alone is a big step. Keep it up.
We’ll be the judge of that. What did you do?
Right, but what did you do?
Joined lemmy. The sad bastard.
Well hey, on the bright side, admitting it is the first step!
Caught her cheating, and when I broke up with her she refused and stabbed me with a fork. I have 4 little scars but one of the fork tines was slightly bent so they don’t line up perfectly
So your skin is perpetually mildlyinfuriating? What a terrible place for a curse.
Guy I met had a scar like that on the back of his hand. Story was he had four brothers, all big guys. Mom would put the food on the table, but no one was allowed to take anything until they said grace. One night it was steaks, and they weren’t all the same size. When grace was done, they all went for a big steak with their forks. He was in first, but his brother ended up stabbing the back of his hand with his.
The fucked up and kind of funny part was that his brother’s reaction was to bring the guy’s hand over to his own plate by pulling it with his fork, and wiggling it until the steak fell off the fork onto the plate.
Yup, that’s the basic feral energy I picture for a family with 5 boys.
Maybe she was also finalizing the relationship by sticking a fork in you because y’all were done.
one of the fork tines was slightly bent so they don’t line up perfectly
That would irritate me more than getting forked in the first place.
I’m dad enough to suspect that my reaction to the stabbing would be “what the fork??”
And I’m 'tismo enough to seek corrective surgery to make sure the marks from the fork tines were in line.
If 'tismo is to mean autistic, that’s fucking beautiful and I’m stealing it.
The idea had crossed my mind once or twice, or extending the other three scars to match at the very least. But thankfully time has passed and they have faded now and it’s hard to notice
Please tell me she yelled “fork you”
I hope you filed a police report for assault and pressed charges. Looks like you dodged a bullet.
but not the fork…
Ha! Beat you by a minute!
He never had his car
Dodged the bullet, didn’t see the fork hah. I was young so I just ignored it, although looking back maybe it would have been for the best to report it. Maybe she would have gotten the help she needed.
But they should have dodged the fork…
The scarring sounds funny, are you willing to share a pic of it?
My ex wife contacted me last year claiming she found out she had syphillis and had it the whole time we were married. I got checked, was fine, and started wondering if she was just trying to fuck with me.
Did she call you on April 1st?
If so, best prank ever.
Not that fucked up, honestly, but here it goes anyway:
Had a GF, we ended up breaking up. And it didn’t take much retrospective to realize how much better I felt once everything was over.
Anyway, due to loads of mutual friends we stayed in touch, and it was pretty drama-free, so it wasn’tas complicated as it could’ve been. Plus when I was in the army a couple of years later I was stationed pretty close to her and those friends. And in the weekends I didn’t have much better things to do than to hang out with them.One weekend all of us were out getting drunk together. It was pretty fun, but I’m pretty sure that she was trying to get some sort of response/reaction from me as she was always physically closest to me and none of the others, and always found a way of making any topic a reference to when we lived together. Not sure if alcohol was part of her decision making, but honestly didn’t care, as I just ignored it all and focusing on having a good time with friends. As the small hours arrived and the bar was about to close she found some dude and became a heavy makeout session in public. When it was time to head home (or back to the garrison in my case) we all said our goodbyes. I don’t even remember if she was there or not, which should indicate how much I cared about what she did or didn’t do that night.
One of my friends asked me what I had to say about it, and I was relieved (and felt kind of clever about) that my earnest response was “Never before in my life have I felt so indifferent”.
After my mandatory service was over I moved away elsewhere for work, and we all basically split up. Then she contacted me out of the blue after a long while and said she wanted to visit me. I just told her straight up “No.” and that I had a life going on that didn’t involve her. Then there were some allusions to her self-harming, and I told her that her mental health was not MY responsibility and hadn’t been for a long time, but I was going to call her mom about it (they were really close). I just put my phone away as I heard some protests and fears in the other end. I had stopped caring about things like that from her long before that point. And that was the last time we spoke. 2007 or so.
And just for the record: I ran into one of our mutual friends a while back, and she’s still fine.
Did you call her parent?
No, because I knew her well enough to know it was a drama infused act.
Booty call over PlayStation network DMs
I can respect that; People have needs.
Although I would probably have assumed that a spam bot had gotten their login credentials.My thoughts exactly. Which is why I had to verify, in person at 2AM, that it was indeed her who sent it 🤦
😂 LOL
These are interesting to me, I never got a chance to experience this stuff myself. I have only 1 ex and it was from a relatively short relationship in high school, I got married to the second girl I ever dated and we’re still married decades later.
That first girl did cheat on me, so that sucked, but we never spoke again and I have no idea where she even is at this point.
One of my exes once sent me a Facebook friendship request more than 10 years after we’d split up. I’m still traumatised.
I understand. A Facebook friend request will do that to a person.
I feel like just using FB at this point will do that to you.
I’ve only had amicable breakups (37, male, single), except for this one: when I was still figuring things out in eighth grade, a girl that I had broken up with threatened to pour coke on me - which she was holding in her hand - which made me miss a final exam and the teacher wouldn’t have it so I failed the class. Dafuq.Just realized your question was about exes trying to come back to our lives. Never mind.
That’s ok, F- that B- that made you fail the class.
Given the story about OP’s exam, I read the “F-“ & “B-“ as grades and thought:
- “F-“ as a verb. I like it.
- “B-“ as a noun? Given the “F-“, it fits.
- ”B-“ for OP’s ex is… generous.
I thought it was F- for misreading the original prompt











