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Which is why bidet is the only civilized solution.
Toilet paper is for dabbing your little tushy dry, not raking across, and smashing in, loose poopy on your ass.
Toilet paper is also for cleaning the seat and rim of the bowl, every single time. Bidets shouldn’t be amazing, but given traditional society, they certainly are.
Love my Japanese toilets. It’s funny that people find them gross here. I think it’s gross to only use paper to remove shit from your ass. If you get shit on your hands, would you only wipe them with paper?
Reading this and then immediately reading your username made me lol. But fair.
Yarp, and when you are cutting jalapenos and accidentally touch your eyes it doubles as an emergency eye wash. /s
I do love my bidet though
I bet your ass smells like apple pie.
Well you’re wrong because it smells like Apple Strudel but for reasons that are wholly unrelated to bidet.
Hahahahah, you dont know how to use the three sea shells.
I purchased a relatively cheap bidet recently and it is the single best life upgrade I have ever made . It paid for itself in the first 2 months of not having to buy toilet paper (or at least not nearly as much). It is amazing, I highly recommend.
You got that bum gun bro?
All hail the bum gun
The waffle rifle
Preach the bidet gospel, brother.
So many dudes can’t get over the butt stuff, it’s hilarious.
2 months! I should try this out… if i was still single, a 12 pack would last me like 3 months if not more. Having a wife? A 36 pack lasts like 1 month… its literally a roll a day. It drives me nuts because I honestly can’t understand how half of that isn’t just waste (if not more).
You’ll save loads of money over time. My wife and I used to go through at least half a cube of toilet paper each month. I installed a bidet and our TP consumption was easily quartered.
Yeah women in my house use over a roll per day too and I have no idea how because a roll lasts me over a month
I’m half convinced my daughter eats the stuff.
It’s a good strategy. When it exits it auto cleans.
Two things I don’t get about bidets: How do you know you’re clean, and how do you dry off without leaving toilet paper lint everywhere?
I don’t get about bidets: How do you know you’re clean
Precisely my question to those who don’t use them
You know you’re clean when there’s no poo on the paper.
If my arm was constantly covered by two layers of fabric this comic might have a point.
Also, just using a bidet is like washing your car just by hosing it off. Sometimes you need a good scrub.
Also, the appropriate thing to do would be to use soap and water.
I don’t think anyone “just” uses a bidet. I follow up with a couple wipes, it’s just more a finishing move than the whole strategy.
Which brings me back to the problem of TP lint on a wet ass
You can check whether you’re clean with a toilet paper, if you’re unsure. But I did so a few times at the beginning and never had stained toilet paper (so long as I didn’t stick it inside, I guess), so I don’t bother anymore.
In particular, you also feel cleaner when you regularly use a bidet (like you’re freshly showered), so that also makes it easier to feel when you aren’t clean…
It’s an assisting tool, not the primary cleaning method. Blasts off bulk material and loosens up whatever’s left, but you still need TP to finish the job. A lot less, but you still need some.
As for lint, that happens regardless of the use of a bidet. Nothing changes there.Disagree about the assisting tool. Yes, you can still find shit, if you stick your finger up your bum hole, but you don’t need to powerwash your intestines to be clean. They’ll be full of shit soon after anyways. So long as the outside of the door is squeaky clean, that’s as clean as you’ll get.
What sort of horrendously overpowered bidet do you have that can push through the sphincter like that?! And more importantly…
Where can I buy one?
Quite a few of the cheaper ones that just have a solid stream can be that powerful, at the right angle. Of course it depends greatly on your house’s water pressure, too.
… and yea as Ephera mentioned, you might have to relax a bit. It’s easy to resist but that much water pressure against the sensitive flesh is uncomfortable to say the least.
I use a hand-operated travel bidet, so it’s exactly as overpowered as my handshake is firm. 🙃
More seriously, I did say not everything past the sphincter will get cleared out. But yeah, I believe it is generally possible for humans to relax their sphincter, so if you angle the beam right, that should do the trick…
Why would you have the gun and not want to wash the deep parts and reach the intestines?
What if I want to powerwash my intestines?
Seconded.
I don’t have a problem with lint unless I have to shit while my ass is wet.
I’ve had to shit again after having just used the bidet (still sitting down), and given how clean I feel after having washed, I don’t notice the wetness at all, because I’m going to wash again.
That said, I hate the feeling of being barefoot on bare floor, so it’s not as though I don’t understand.
You dab, you don’t rub. And you get clean the same way you clean your back or head, you’re not looking in a mirror for those right?
My back and head usually don’t have poo on them. If I had something grimy like that on my head or back I’d want to have a wipe or a mirror to make sure there’s none left.
You know you’re clean the same way you know you’re clean in the shower. And just like the shower, some use a bit of soap when using the bidet.
Sometimes when I have a particularly heinous dookie I’ll get in the shower afterwards, and I make sure I’m clean by actually wiping my hand across it to see if there’s still poo.
You can do the same thing with a bidet and completely obviate the need to get in the shower.
As I understand, those who clean with soap on the bidet are already washing the hand that washes out the ass-crack, the same way as if you’re in the shower, and now to know your ass is shower level clean.
His look clearly says “WTF. ‘Out’ of?! How many knuckles deep do you think is normal, and who taught you that?”
Who shits anyway? Just go elbow deep, grab that sonova and drag it outta 'ere.
Which came first? Muddin’ for catfish or shit-fishin’ your own swamp?
I wrap my fist in TP, like a bottle brush, for my asshole
You would’ve found that watch the first day.
scoop shit out of your ass
I think OP goes deeper than I do. A lot deeper.
Try finger but hole.
I went to Thailand at the end of last year and used a simple bidet (called a bum gun) for the first time. The VERY first thing I did when I got home to the US was buy one of these kits for like $30 and installed it on my toilet myself. Took like 15mins and changed my life. Now whenever I travel around the US I feel like a savage, having to take a shit in hotel and office bathrooms without a bidet.
You can also buy travel bidets. Basically squeeze bottles that you can direct to the right places. Not as good as an actual bidet, but better than nothing.
I use one at home so I can use warm water instead of cold, works decently well
I was very happy to learn that some grocery stores and big box stores sell them (at least in the US)! I was on a trip to Salem, OR and was having a miserable time reverting to toilet paper until I grabbed one of those travel bidets at Lowe’s.
Truth. Ruined for life in the best way.
My exact same experience after having visited the Philippines. I got the washlet-style bidet that attaches to the toilet seat area, and as the other reply to your comment suggests, I have a portable bidet as well, as a backup. Bidets are unquestionably the best thing since breathable air.
And yes, if I have to scrape, it feels horrible. Like casually reaching into a septic tank and swirling an arm around.
Surely the in toilet bum gun isn’t sanitory?
When you get the runs, shit goes everywhere. Poop particles still fly on flush which is why closing the lid is better. If anyone has poo’d on that other than you, it probably has their fecal matter in there. How are those tubes even cleaned?
The mere thought stresses me out.
Before answering your question, I guess I’d have to ask my own:
Since poop particles will coat the inside of the toilet lid, do you wipe the lid clean immediately after the flush (to prevent bacteria from spreading all over the seat) or do you wait until you have to use the toilet again, and wipe the seat clean so your back isn’t in close proximity to the inside of a toilet lid that’s covered in poop spray?
I hear many laypeople talk about the aerosol effect, but never hear any guidance from the health authorities about it other than, “You should wash your hands after using the toilet.”
Also, the bum gun style of bidet is just like a miniature shower head. Whatever residue there may be would get washed away each use. It’s pretty trivial to wipe down your own hand-held bidet before/after each use, and the toilet seat style bidets nearly always come with a self-cleaning feature.
If you’re that stressed out over the idea, do what works best for you. Germaphobia is real. As for cleanliness, the Japanese are some of the most fastidiously clean people, and they generally have no problems using public bidets.
It would seem to me that if bidets were as unhygienic as some people find them to be, that countries where they are most prevalent wouldn’t have a prolonged history of using them, and wouldn’t be horrified by how other cultures have no problem scraping poop with their hands from between their butt cheeks.
You’re gonna love the episode of Mythbusters on precisely this.
Is it where they demonstrate that the toilet seat may be the cleanest surface in the house?
I’m unsure of that specific claim, but they do show that it doesn’t really matter where you store your toothbrush — fecal particulate abounds throughout every home. 😶
Okay, yep, I pulled up the list summarizing their experiments, and saw this listed there. We’re on the same page, then.
You talk about residue getting cleaned away, but without soap, that will not be effective.
As for wiping down toilet seat, depends. My own home, no. Outside, toilet paper and sanitiser.
It is a different level of risk when something touches skin compared to contact with an orifice.
Separate bidets don’t concern me like integrated ones inside a toilet as contamination risk is much less.
Based on what you’re telling me, you should continue to follow your current hygiene practices and disregard the use of bidets altogether.
Scooping…? Can I introduce you to a thing called fiber?
Ya seriously, if you have enough structure to your poop you won’t need to scoop. You can pull them out like when you make a small cut just big enough for 1 wiener in a pack of hot dogs to limit oxidation.
😳
Side note, I creeped your profile a little bit to make sure you would understand my humour, and clearly you did because you sent me the “I want a hot dog now” emoji. And I noticed you responded to someone who said Reanu Keeves was the most creative name they’ve seen and now I’m paranoid
Fiber is fantastic for emptying the bowels, but doesn’t obviate the need for toilet hygiene.
Also I’m pretty sure OOP meant scooping (or rather scraping) the shit from between the ass cheeks, not plowing into the farthest reaches of the bowels using an excavator. I could be wrong, though.
Get a bidet. Get a bidet. Get a bidet.
Why are we still neanderthals about this?
Because a lot of fear, outright ignorance, misconceptions, and other internalized beliefs.
In some cases people talk about “shit water running down my legs!”, so I don’t think they can visualize the water falling down into the bowl, and leaning a bit to one side to wipe dry. Or (possibly? idk) they think you stand up to use the bidet.
Another one is fear of the spray spreading bacteria around, or the like.
Then there is that the admittedly low bar for entry of installing the bidets is enough friction to not deviate from scraping-based insanity.
I got mine in pandemic during the TP outages. I have gone through so little TP since then. My girlfriend accounts for 95% of its usage because she won’t use it.
Wise move. Yep, I got one of those mega packs of tp around April of ‘21, still have entire rolls left. That pack cost ~ $13.
Also, my deepest condolences regarding your girlfriend. Not all can, or will, accept a better way when shown one.
Best argument for getting a bidet I’ve heard. Imagine getting poo anywhere on your body, you’d be rinsing it off with water. Why not your butthole? Needless to say I have one in each of my bathrooms.
Better than anything said in the movie
Hm Idk… When you clean a whiteboard with a rag does the rag become a cover for your hands to scoop up marker ink?
Instructions unclear. Brown marker stuck in my ass.
Effectively, yes, if you cover your hand with the rag. I’ve mostly seen people hold the rag in their hand, using it in the same manner one uses a broom to sweep the floor.
